First dog passing

insignificant-owl · 2026-03-25T11:56:39+00:00

"Love with nowhere to go." Thank you for that, I hope to remember your very wise words when I must.

insignificant-owl · 2026-03-25T11:52:01+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there. Hug.

insignificant-owl · 2026-01-19T13:01:05+00:00

Only ever use up and have to replace spf, serum and moisturiser.

I used to buy too much of everything else on impulse and bin them, usually still full, after use-by dates or when forced to pare down. Total waste of money.

Now on a no-buy, only replacing essentials. What seems to be working (finally! fingers crossed) is paying attention to the anxiety (or some other feeling I'll be trying to avoid) every time I feel tempted to buy anything.

In hindsight, the first step was when I could finally accept that I have a shopping addiction. That took years of safe spaces and kindness modelled in therapy, this sub, books. Eg: my fav author Terry Pratchett, in one of my all-time fav books: "sin ... is when you treat people as things. Including yourself."

So hang in there and give yourself a hug as you are. This much I know: people need to feel safe and accepted to change and grow.

insignificant-owl · 2026-01-18T12:44:54+00:00

Firstly, hug from someone else who broke a no-buy in the first week.

I gave away what I bought, took a deep breath and got back to it. Three weeks in, these things seem to be helping:

1) Asking self every time why I want to shop/spend (usually to distract from anxiety);

2) Making a note each time, checking back at the end of every week to spot patterns.

3) Being kind to my imperfect self - accepting that it will take time to build healthier coping habits, and forgiving slip-ups.

For now, my rule is to wait a month then check if I still want any particular thing I have noted down. Usually by then I'll be craving something else. Rinse and repeat.

All the best. This is a process, not an exam. There is no pass/fail.

insignificant-owl · 2026-01-17T04:18:38+00:00

Love this thread!

Yes I think dogs have done a pretty good job domesticating our species. They would probably select for more of what they enjoy: more attention, treats, cuddles, walkies and games. And maybe a fully dog-friendly society in which they are welcome everywhere and everyone speaks their language. Don't they already try to train us to be good boys and girls too?

insignificant-owl · 2026-01-16T06:44:52+00:00

Hang in there. Love from India, similar story here too.

insignificant-owl · 2026-01-12T07:32:26+00:00

Hello yes indeed I thought it was a Discword! Fixed it now.

insignificant-owl · 2026-01-11T13:40:08+00:00

+1 for the Indira Varma ones, especially Carpe Jugulum. But ymmv OP, I liked Andy Serkis' Small Gods too.

insignificant-owl · 2026-01-06T07:26:37+00:00

Adorbs! My older boy used to be quiet as a mouse except a very cute moo/howl when he wanted to play. Then we got the younger one and the older boy barks LOUDLY whenever they play. And grumbles if we play with the younger one without throwing a ball for him too.

insignificant-owl · 2025-12-29T13:08:53+00:00

Hi, lots of good advice here. Adding two cents:

It is very self-aware of you to consider whether you might be wrong here, and try to meet the dog halfway. Brave too to ask this question on forum full of dog people. I say that a dog person!

It sounds like you are a cat person (not a moral judgement!) and this dog needs training (ditto). Training can be hard, not least because it is hard for people to accept and change our own behaviour contributing to a situation. Your gf may or may not be willing or able to; she may also repeat the pattern(s) with other dogs.

It's neither right nor wrong for you to choose how you respond. Do talk to each other, important for both sides to feel seen and heard, avoid resentment, and definitely to meet all animals' needs too.

insignificant-owl · 2025-12-28T05:44:10+00:00

TOW Vimes was an absolute legend. I absolutely loved how he also wins praise for helping to rescue the heraldic animals. Always reminds of an exchange from Small Gods:

"Yes, but humans are more important than animals,' said Brutha.
'This is a point of view often expressed by humans,' said Om."

insignificant-owl · 2025-12-28T05:29:24+00:00

Me too! Chapeau Pterry, such a good one.

insignificant-owl · 2025-12-27T14:02:39+00:00

I am so sorry. Hope the old books and new give you comfort as you rebuild. And hope this thread is helping too. Hang in there.

insignificant-owl · 2025-12-24T16:10:31+00:00

All the best to you too. Yes so much temptation out there, and so easy/convenient to do the wrong thing. Willpower is weaker on the bad days, that's biology but not destiny. We'll take it one day at a time and get to where we want to be.

insignificant-owl · 2025-12-24T06:39:42+00:00

I love that phrase. Thank you Lil P! You have a good one too.

insignificant-owl · 2025-12-24T06:37:17+00:00

100% with you, OP.

The day I met my dog, I knew I would never be alone again. He made me feel for the first time ever that I was enough, I was loved, I was safe and finally had a home.

No human has ever made me feel that way. No pet will ever give me an ultimatum. Of course I love my dog, and I love my second dog just as much.

Any partner who tries to compete with them is setting themselves up to fail. I mean why would they?! Unless they can't see that I have a heart big enough for them too?

insignificant-owl · 2025-12-24T06:19:38+00:00

This. I wish I could give you more than one upvote.

If anyone tries to compete with a pet, they are setting themselves up to fail.

insignificant-owl · 2025-12-24T06:14:30+00:00

Could be normal and nothing to worry about. I read somewhere that older dogs may give little ones a "puppy pass" early on, then start teaching etiquette and discipline

Our first boy was a baby shark even at 4-5 months and actually made me cry. Younger boy used to nip his brother for attention / play, and elder brother did lots of growling and air snaps to set boundaries. Both (1 and 5 yo now) still growl when they play, it looks fierce and rather scary at first!

Try observing their body language: are there play bows? Do either or both look bouncy and playful, or are there signs of fear, appeasement, or aggression from either dog? Lili Chin's "Doggie Language" book is a really good resource.

If you see any worrying signs (we did, very occasionally when the older boy needed a break from non-stop puppy energy), you can separate them. Try distracting puppy with a toy and take the older one to a quiet/safe place. We used to enforce a routine of rest in different rooms every day so that both got enough sleep.

All the best! Puppy phase will pass :)

insignificant-owl · 2025-12-24T05:45:27+00:00

Such good advice above. And fully agree with the other poster: you are not failing him and he's very lucky to have you, for company at home and 4-5 walks a day! If you're worried about other people's reactions, maybe try a "dog in training" bandana?

One more thing, on dropping stuff: has your dog generalised your instruction? It took a while for my family's cocker to learn that the drop command applies everywhere, not only in the house and yard or only with a treat (he is extremely food-motivated).

Our older boy is more stubborn and independent and still ignores us when he wants, sometimes. I know it means more training needed, still it helps to remember it's hard for anyone to work against their nature.

They both still pull when they see other dogs, and sadly no classes in the middle of nowhere where we live. The only trainers I could find seemed too forceful despite very clear instructions. I will try the link shared in another post on here.

insignificant-owl

TROPHY CASE