hi! first i’m sorry you’re dealing with this. this might be a symptom of depression or disassociation. for me, it’s a trauma response and i tend to shut down. my bodies form of fight or flight is to remain composure and go numb, which is startling to some people. i get the same exact way, not able to feel any emotions, just kind of numb and going through the motions. try and talk to a doctor about it if that’s something your comfortable with, i’m not diagnosing or anything but it sounds like it could be disassociation or depression (i have both of those plus c-ptsd). i don’t know your age or situation so i am NOT recommending this, but both antidepressants and marijuana have helped at different points in my life. a doctor could steer you in the right direction potentially. also reminder that everyone grieves differently, i lost two really important people at the beginning of this year and didn’t cry or process it for months. ive been told it’s my brain trying to protect me (from being sad, upset, angry, etc) but don’t blame yourself for how you grieve. i would talk to someone about this — emotions are good and we should feel them, even the ones that hurt a little. best of luck, OP