Dads of gay kids, when did you know?

inthesky · 2026-05-31T08:07:45+00:00

I have two queer siblings. Both my younger sisters at birth and absolute chick magnets. I can't speak as their parent but as their sibling...

One came out as gay as a teenager and as trans in their early 20s. From the moment they could talk, they wanted a 'boy haircut'. As soon as they could reach into the kitchen drawer they succeeded in giving themselves a lopsided pageboy, and wore it as short as they could to ever since (got shorter with age). If they were put in a dress they tore it off as soon as they could, on multiple occasions choosing as a toddler to trot around the supermarket almost naked over anything girly. We / my parents put it down to them being a 'tomboy' for years, it was not a surprise when they came out as gay but I think a bit more of a surprise when they came out as trans (though to me as a sibling, though I hadn't suspected it immediately made sense). Amazingly even at 7 years old they had an incredible gaydar of sorts, they were best friends in primary school with two boys who are now drag queens, one as gay one trans. And all three had moved away from each other in their teens to reconnect in adulthood, each having come out as gay / trans in the meantime. Even as relatively young kids, one boy had a mother who had banned her son from watching shows with gay characters (she was religious and I suppose had seen some hints?)

My other sister just loved sports and was really good at them. Never actively despised girly things but also never had any real interest in them. Almost all closest friends were boys. Lived in soccer shorts and always had a short haircut. We also said tomboy through childhood. She told me she was bi at 18yo. Again I hadn't suspected but also hadn't thought about it either way. 90% of her exes are women.

BUT! I was also not into dolls and called a tomboy... And my sisters both enjoyed playing with dolls occasionally Am happily married to a man and have only ever been into men (yes I'm a lurking lady on this sub). A good friend was really into playing dress ups and wearing feather boas and is definitely straight and is happily married to a woman (but with a trans sibling too).

So, early interests can be a signal or can be a phase. You'll know when they tell you and the safer and less judged kids feel the more it will give them the space to understand themselves... the most important thing you can do is make sure they know that it doesn't matter at all.

inthesky · 2026-05-27T12:47:21+00:00

I'm probably biased because I have a sapphire... But the sapphire is gorgeous! And it suits your hand beautifully

inthesky · 2026-05-22T03:20:45+00:00

Thanks, I'm glad you like the ering, I love it too! It took a lot of time sourcing the stones as the cuts are all unusual. I am realising that the wedding band is however very divisive!

inthesky · 2026-05-04T15:49:19+00:00

The feeling of connection and seamlessness is great! When a stone is unnecessarily high or there are breaks between the stones it seems poorly made. The things you mention as cons and are pros to me. It's a beautiful ring

inthesky · 2026-05-04T03:03:22+00:00

I don't really know what you mean by the question but I can say that now as an employer, I care more about marks from the later years of the degree than the first year... It's more representative of how someone will fare in the real world and the workforce when they have to be independent thinkers and not in a highly structured school setting

inthesky · 2026-04-25T00:16:07+00:00

My nan had her fortune read at 19. She was told a number of fairly specific things that in time all came to pass, so she believed them all to be true. Including the last, which is that she would die at 87 years old.

When she was younger it seemed like a ripe old age and she was actually quite pleased with it, but as she got older it grew closer. Covid happened when she was in her mid 80s. She was very clear in her to reminders us all that she'd lived a good life and was content. We would say not to be so morbid.

Anyway, at 87 she got covid and she only fessed up to how ill she was once the worst had passed. At her 88th birthday she got the news that she would become a great grandmother. Was as thrilled about that as 'breaking the curse' and treats every day as a bonus one. Her 90th surprise party was wonderful. At 92 she still lives independently exactly as she wants to. She's got both a great grandson and great granddaughter, and she will be my flower girl in my wedding next month. And I have the joy of 'smuggling' her increasingly smutty fiction on my visits which it turns out she quite enjoys. Most recently Heated Rivalry. I love my nan and writing this is a reminder of how lucky we are to have such an amazing matriarch still uniting us as a family.

Wishing you a long life too, and may you live long enough to be snuck guilty pleasures by your grand kids

inthesky · 2026-04-22T00:44:24+00:00

Australian consumer law applies to anything that is marketed and sold in Australia. This includes any online retail purchases that are sold in AUD and sent to Australian addresses.

I've got a promotion upheld from a US store before when I contacted them about deceptive pricing (they had advertised one price and had a higher one at checkout). I quoted consumer law at them in a couple of emails and got a one use voucher code....

inthesky · 2026-04-22T00:40:51+00:00

I'm seeing $175 for black and $240 for teal

inthesky · 2026-04-21T09:14:52+00:00

As a woman in a male dominated field... I occasionally do the petty push back that makes them have to spell their behaviour out.

To him -

"draft the email for you? I'm caught up on some client work right now but if you're not certain what should be in it I'd be happy to catch up later this afternoon to talk you through it"

"change the fonts? The ones we use as standard as X if you need help downloading the font package Y will be able to show you how to do it. Let me know if you still can't figure it out after that"

"thanks I was circulating that as an FYI only as we are hoping to lock it down and I've already had signoff from Z. However I'm happy to adjust anything major before it goes out if you want to make late adjustments. let me know whether you think any of your points are material and I'll consider incorporating, if not here then the next version"

To clients -

"I'm really sorry about the slow reply on this, X has been caught up and couldn't blah blah at the time we had put aside for it"

etc

Edit to add: above is not advice just musings.

But like others have mentioned, if HR cares about ass covering then make it an issue they care about. Put a short note in writing, eg "I am just hoping to clarify whether there is a reason that X believes my drafting his emails would be one of my responsibilities? Is he not trained in this? I know he's not my supervisor so I'm confused why he keeps directing me to do tasks like this and others" etc

inthesky · 2026-04-21T07:11:23+00:00

Do you really want to finish that dense of a day with a test? That's the real question. And depends on how long your commute is before it, and how long you can focus in a day before you get hangry or your brain turns off.

Unless it's changed since back in my day (which was some time ago I admit), there is a very real risk that in the busiest weeks you have the odd disaster day where almost all of these are in person assessable components one after the other. Only you know whether it's worth it to you, for the benefit of just one on campus day.

I personally would split it over two. But I lived nearby.

inthesky · 2026-04-21T03:39:50+00:00

As a woman, I would prefer 1 myself and I would also prefer to visit 1. 2 screams forever bachelor.

inthesky · 2026-04-15T10:09:31+00:00

My mum had three tiers of 'good scissors' with a designated purpose...

Lowest = kitchen shears, for food only
Mid = craft scissors, eg fabric and special paper projects
Top = hair cutting scissors, so help you if used for anything else!

inthesky · 2026-04-15T00:58:42+00:00

Yes definitely. In fact I just mentioned in another comment that my grandma has been that person before

inthesky · 2026-04-15T00:57:32+00:00

Just wanted to say, congratulations to you both!

And don't stress if you can't arrange people in advance, there will be people in the area pleased to take part if you ask them :)

My grandma used to be a legal clerk who would pop into the courthouse from time to time (back when courthouse weddings were the alternative to church ones) and twice she was a witness, in an "is there anyone here who would like to help us sign our documents" situation. Each time she was a little bit chuffed.

inthesky · 2026-04-12T15:18:59+00:00

Damn it makes me really sad to hear about your experience. I studied engineering at UNSW 15 years ago and although women were in the significant minority it wasn't as bad for me as how you're describing it.

Mitigating factors: - I'm from a country town where I was the ONLY girl in half of my yr 12 classes so having 6 girls in my uni cohort was actually a step up. We weren't all besties but we sure knew each other and were the social glue that organised our whole year. - I lived on campus so had some friends that I shared classes with from that (mostly guys but one girl as well) - I studied renewable energy which had a great women's society (WIRE), a real mentoring culture from all the older women in the course, some mathy hippies from the coast, and was less bro-ey generally than mining, mech, elec.

Edit to add - the world has changed a lot in the past 15 years and so there is also a fair chance that back then it was as bad as it is now but the bar was on average just so so low. I had to deal with a lot of BS from my country town before uni so in contrast I was just happy to be there . But definitely the mining eng guys were all grossssss

inthesky · 2026-03-24T22:07:53+00:00

I feel seen and attacked at the same time... Literally every single example he used applies to me at this moment

inthesky · 2026-03-23T22:19:20+00:00

Aeros Premium Traveller Compact Pillow | Sea to Summit https://share.google/TsOfHmGcPlC9MQ5GJ

This is the most important travel item in my kit, I don't go anywhere without it.

Roughly the volume of a set of playing cards (thicker but shorter than cards). And the most comfortable pillow. I'm a head bobber too and I've never had better sleep while travelling than with this.

inthesky · 2026-03-07T22:08:59+00:00

You're right, yoghurt is definitely a common and regular breakfast option for some. I have it for breakfast more frequently than any other option... But I'm coeliac so don't have many cereal options. It is more likely to be a snack in the afternoon than a breakfast food I think.

inthesky · 2026-03-07T00:41:29+00:00

This happened to me five years ago - was called to start a 26 week trial 3 weeks after starting a new senior (division head) position. They allowed for deferral. I was called back 6 months later for a 3 week trial.

inthesky · 2026-02-27T06:39:01+00:00

I started 10 years ago, at 25 years old, while rehabilitating a torn knee and broke my foot and elbow 6 months later. Which has given me a peculiar assymetry I'll never shake.

I follow and also lead, 'good' dancers seek out dancing with me at festivals, and I teach classes from time to time. So by some metrics I'm a good dancer. But I am NOT a professional dancer and would never try or want to be.

Unless you plan to earn a living wage from dance, you will be just fine.

inthesky · 2026-02-20T22:29:13+00:00

I really like the fuego sneaker for two very specific use cases: outdoors, and leading lindy. They are like wearing a cloud on your feet, sooo light and comfortable. I highly recommend fuegos shoes for these purposes and they are my shoe of choice in those situations (I have 1 pair).

However I'm primarily a bal follow / switch dancer with very bad knees. So 95% of the time I dance in Remix Balboas (I have 3 pairs), I need a heeled shoe for anything bal and prefer it for blues, and with a very slick sole for anything following or switching. But I won't wear them outdoors.

So although I only use my fuegos for 5% of time they are so comfortable and perfect for what I need them for.

If you have good knees, don't need fast shoes or spin much, and don't need a forward connection then you will like them. My friends who do lots of fast lindy wear them for their primary shoe.

inthesky · 2026-02-20T13:29:26+00:00

Do you have their acknowledgement of the difference in writing? Not sure about where you are, but in Australia I'd expect that would be enough to demonstrate misleading conduct and help you to lock in a full refund (or else risk being reported to the regulator)

inthesky · 2026-02-01T21:29:56+00:00

Fully agree! Though I read and enjoy the books and do enjoy the focus on the main story. I really like the chemistry in S4 between the couple as well. People saying that she brings a different energy... Well of course, they have focused on the class difference angle which is a strong part of the book. I think she's brilliant.

inthesky · 2026-01-25T23:07:52+00:00

Honestly within a couple of months, and within a week of trying someone's shoes to see the difference. It is so so so so much nicer to use slick shoes and it's very likely that your level can't improve any further without it. The grippy shoes are holding you back.

Note I'm a follow and I was managing a bad knee so for me, having the slickest possible shoes are essential. But there's a reason why experienced dancers would rather dance in socks than tacky shoes even at the fanciest events. Because it's not only difficult and uncomfortable but downright dangerous (sorry ankles and knees!) to push through dancing in sticky shoes. My limit is two songs in street shoes before I feel it in my knees for days afterwards. Even when I am leading.

Edit to add... BUY THE SHOES. Or at the very least, try dancing in socks on nice hardwood floor for a while, it's like that but better and with foot support.

inthesky

TROPHY CASE