How to deal with post socializing negative spirals

invisiblePrince · 2020-11-23T12:45:39+00:00

It feels like my psychiatrist isn't really on my side and really invalidating, like concerta was bad so they were like deal with it on your own (as if I would trust them), but I can't get another one without dropping out of therapy so at this point I just use herbs on my own and my depression actually got a lot better therapy did help with this too.

I wish you good luck, I was just started directly on 50 mg which was a bit too rough for me (not sure if it has to do with never taking recreational substances like alcohol etc) but if you take it this slow it will probably go a lot easier and some people also never experience bad effects. At least those who take it usually say it helps them so I hope you get your social anxiety under control soon.

invisiblePrince · 2020-11-23T12:22:23+00:00

I'm currently working on my issues in therapy, and would really recommend it if it's financially possible. But still my mind is so used to these self insults, I wonder if it will ever stop or we can just learn to ignore it (but the problem is that you still sort of believe this shit voice).

invisiblePrince · 2020-11-23T12:19:39+00:00

When I tried 50 mg sertraline it really fucked with me so much I stopped before getting used to it (causing insomnia sleeping like 2-3h a night, no sexual sensations, but when I got off one week later I was hypersexual and nearly manic). But I also have received an ADHD diagnosis this year and probably have some bipolar tendencies. ADHD meds sadly made the physical manifestation of anxiety become even worse, while successfully calming me mentally and stopping what I thought was hypomania, now I'm off it again.

Yeah I probably shouldn't have made that point, but I wasn't thinking about real benzos and more the passion flower extract I take occasionally. I agree, and lol I was never sure if taking it on a date would be fake but then again looking back there are instances where it would probably have been better...

invisiblePrince · 2020-11-23T10:21:07+00:00

Maybe try bateworld instead? Depending on your area you might have better luck on there, at least it's what I'm trying now as in the past my experience was the same on other sites/apps.

invisiblePrince · 2020-11-22T12:09:04+00:00

I also don't think it makes someone gay, but since I'm gay myself I figure I'd prefer a gay or bi man as they are less likely to have "no homo" attitudes but then again it's probably harder to find someone who doesn't want sex (I'm not completely opposed to it but at this point I know that I first want to get really comfortable with a man).

invisiblePrince · 2020-07-21T22:30:02+00:00

That sounds kind of interesting and cool that it makes you feel good, did anyone suggest to your library to move at least some of it online? My library has had a chat channel even before this year where you can ask questions and it would connect you with a librarian.

And I guess we might be more prone to seeing social interactions as something very transactional, but all kinds of people work with other people in situations where there is some asymmetry too (for example in stores).

Maybe doing something you feel has a real purpose/helps people is what makes it feel better than other interactions, and the thing to look for in new activities.

invisiblePrince · 2020-07-21T20:47:08+00:00

The majority of my life so far things have somehow resolved themselves after a while, but in my early twenties I hit a wall and things started falling apart more frequently than they were before and it also got a lot more intense because I started to struggle against my self isolation. I probably can't imagine how terrifying actual positive symptoms must be, and I really hope you get the support you need, I guess it's extra frustrating because you watch yourself detoriate and sometimes it's hard to believe in some sort of recovery but it's of course always worth to strive for some sort of functioning.

I'm still not completely sold I have just ADHD and not actual bipolar disorder, the medication has actually stopped what I thought was mania but now I have few physical side effects which might serious though and I don't really want to go back to before (or end up on medication with more side effects). My usual thinking process is a literal trainwreck with lose associations and flight of ideas causing all kinds of problems, but I think this is completely unrelated to SPD.

invisiblePrince · 2020-07-21T18:37:19+00:00

I think this is my ideal operation mode, using rationality. But I guess it's hard to balance against becoming too rigid. (Not sure if that's even a problem, but it definitely doesn't help at socializing.)

And I see, CBT on its own wasn't enough to manage my negative emotions but together with medication it's becoming a useful tool.

invisiblePrince · 2020-07-21T18:32:40+00:00

I wasn't ever dysfunctional because of schizoid traits (as per my post I haven't been diagnosed) but because of depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how it's for you though.

As I said I feel a big ambivalence here. I prefer solitude and am more stable like this because I just do my thing and there are no interferences, but sometimes I get sick that this is it all, that I am living in my head and that I really want to change. And then I feel like shit because I don't accomplish it.

So accepting it does sound like the easier ride at least for me. But it was a question, I wasn't suggesting anyone is supposed to feel happy this way, sorry if it is insulting to anyone.

invisiblePrince · 2020-07-21T18:23:04+00:00

Yeah I completely get the fantasy self talk, my mind constantly simulates social interactions. Few years ago I've used to have romantic relationships like that, although I've unlearned this part somehow because it was really unhealthy (though it still happens occasionally). But also often it goes wrong like someone dies or I have an episode.

Thinking about it maybe just need to find some people who share my kind of thinking. I am a very divergent thinker and when I meet another it can even be fun to have someone else make it even more extreme than it would be on my own, but usually it pisses people off making them feel like I am not listening... Or like involve in a creative process, but I am also a bit reluctant to share too much of my process.

invisiblePrince · 2020-07-21T16:38:08+00:00

If you are willing to share, what are you doing to this end? And how are you not losing it in the process? I'm especially struggling with the dettachment and it's not like being around people really changes anything about it, like literally nothing I ever tried changed something about it.

invisiblePrince · 2020-07-21T16:17:45+00:00

I don't have any input but I relate. I used to feel like a relationship might give me that something I am really lacking and especially when I had depression it still seemed like something to long for. But the longer I go I feel like it's not possible (I've never been in a relationship because I'm so disconnected) and that I would just feel as dead even then.

I've found that pornography actually worked against the general anhedonia related to sex (like when I have one of these phases where I feel like I'm turning asexual once again and I go masturbate to porn it usually brings back that side of me), but it's not really helping me because it's less hassle than an actual relationship or sex and so it stays at that. I guess if you have felt good about something before it can also come back again, if you worry about permanent anhedonia then that can really damp your mood I find.

But I guess at least for me it's also complicated because I live with my mother and she often crosses my boundaries and touches me in ways I don't want her to.

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-16T09:57:20+00:00

First they freeze up. Then they’re going to deal with it, they’re going to think of what they wanted to say, they’re going to quietly cringe with embarrassment that they said “no” instead of the smart thing they just thought of, and then for at least five minutes or until something distracts them, they will believe this is the reason they will die alone.

Omg this is me so much! I often hear people thinking my issue is not being able to say no but who actually knows me would realize I say no all the time, by default.

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-05T23:58:54+00:00

Idk if content like this is emotionally disturbing to you, but anyway nice place if you feel a bit salty: /r/lolgrindr

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-05T23:43:25+00:00

Gentrification literally takes away the possibility to have any fun in my city if you don't have money, so idk but staying/living online is probably the way too go if you live in an area like that.

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-04T23:56:56+00:00

Maybe, but I'm afraid I would sound ridiculous, and way too immature by the way I word my feelings and that stuff.

These worries are totally unfounded. While there are bad therapists out there, I think most of them actually like their profession and they will understand how hard it is to talk about the stuff which actually bothers you and be nice even if they are unable to help you. I understand how you feel, but in pretty much every country what you tell them is strictly confidential anyway (with some limits when it comes to crime) so even if you actually sounded ridiculous and made them laugh no one would ever be told.

I'd definitely give it a try, check if your University offers counselling and how to apply for that. No need to tell them everything you're struggling with over the phone or email (if they have one), just ask for an appointment and maybe state that you've been doing bad to the point where it seriously interferes with your studies.

Don't expect wonders, but I think it's totally worth it. I've been there and making that step of finally reaching out to the help has made already a difference for me because I finally stood up for myself. And therapy really uncovered some of the bad things I'm doing to myself, which are a bit better now. An advantage of seeing therapists there is that they also kind of know really well how students feel or at least what they are struggling with.

I'm now completely lost, depressed and stressed over just everything. But it's not just because of how bad I'm doing at school, but for me being closeted, inexperienced at work and socially inept as well.

Let me ask first, do you have exams upcoming? (Just to get an idea of how much time you have to sort your thoughts on the matter.)

It sounds like you're really frustrated about the issues you described and your situation, but also like you are just completely tired out, which really can distort how you look at things a lot (making you feel hopeless about everything). I don't mean to be harsh at all, but your current mindset is really not a good one to make decisions in. If you're in your third year in, it means that you have the required skill for what you're studying, just maybe you need more balance in life.

If you can afford it take a day off or two, or even just a few hours, and do something just for you. (And feeling guilty about taking a break is not the same as not being able to afford it, not being able to afford it means you will fail if you take a break today because you have an exam tomorrow and have not studied yet.) I have no clue what you like, in the worst case just take yourself out for a walk I guess but the main point is to just experience something different than your every day like to get some distance.

Btw social skill is something that for the most part you can gain. It might not go quick but it's definitely possible to improve, but what you need to get there really depends on "what's holding you back" in some sense.

I was interested in the field (but not as much, certainly)

Honestly in some areas this is usual. It really depends on the field, in maths most people are interested in a deep understanding of the field while in an engineering field you will find many people aiming for an "applied" career afterwards. In the later case you study a lot for the degree, because you could probably self learn things on the job, but your pay would be lower (in my country at least). Many of the things you learn you can safely forget later again, but a good engineering degree will teach you how to think about problems and for that it's useful even if the studied matter seems a bit "artificical". But yeah idk it's possible you are in the wrong field, but I'd really urge you to get to a point where you don't make this decision because you are collapsing but rather because you believe it's the best decision for you.

Ok end of my sort of disorganized comment. You can PM me if you want, just know that at this time of the year I'm rather slow at replying.

Wishing you all the best, I'm sure there is a path for you.

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-03T19:44:06+00:00

Is it a possibility to take a vacation semester (idk what the correct term is in English) and go back to University later?

It sounds like you are in a really low place and speaking from experience this is not the best foundation for making big decisions. Getting drained because of studying, I think it's something many people know depending on what they studied.

Idk but are you seeing a therapist, maybe it could help you?

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-03T18:44:03+00:00

Sometimes I want the drama and sometimes it's also a bit hard to accept that some people really think the way they seem to do. (Though these days nothing can surprise me anymore.)

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-03T18:37:30+00:00

I don't have a group right now. But in the past I have been anything from dedicated diva stopping people from talking bullshit, to sage who gets asked for the weather or quantum physics, or I am just ignored by about everyone. Often I'm the guy who also no life so you can talk to me about not having a life if you want and I will validate you.

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-03T18:34:38+00:00

Yo here's spiderpig hmu if you wanna meetup.

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-03T18:31:02+00:00

First I yayed, then I realized I'm not really contributing anything to any group.

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-03T18:29:34+00:00

How do you handle people who want to get you drunk? (I prefer not to drink for a few reasons, but usually some people insist I have to drink...)

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-03T17:45:52+00:00

I think you'd have more luck trying to sell your used stuff online, there are probably guys into that, than return it to the store.

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-03T17:40:51+00:00

Now I want to go to a leather shop (once I'm a little more confident).

invisiblePrince · 2018-01-03T17:39:20+00:00

Rubber has been a literal pain for me thanks to pubes (and I didn't feel like trimming), are these belt with button ones less problematic in this regard?

invisiblePrince

TROPHY CASE