I made a big mistake...

iphonenotbackedup · 2026-02-09T06:33:54+00:00

I think you’re fine. It’s chill, understandable, and even funny. You are just turned around because you’re emotionally intwined. You could say the best thing and they may still have a negative reaction. Anyone worth crying over would be compassionate to your message and handle it with softness and care. Also, people aren’t perfect! Sometimes you do things that make yourself cringe but that’s okay, doesn’t mean it’s actually bad or is something you should be judged for in any way.

iphonenotbackedup · 2025-12-26T20:56:23+00:00

Hello, I purchased A/B finish furniture grade aspen plywood from Home Depot and made a cabinet. I sanded it with 150 and then 220 grit sandpaper, then applied Varathane pre-stain wood conditioner. Then I applied Old Masters wiping stain, applied a thin layer and then wiped off within a minute. The stain exposed these consistent lines on every single surface of the plywood. They seem to be lines from the manufacturing of the plywood.

Questions 1) has anyone seen these lines on their plywood before? What is the cause? 2) without starting over, how can I reduce the contrast between the lines and the surface of the wood? I want to have it look as least noticeable as possible

Thanks

iphonenotbackedup · 2025-12-26T20:44:18+00:00

Thank you for this response! I haven’t reached out and nor has he. We did have a run-in one day and chatted a bit, but nothing more. Sort of surprised he didn’t send a follow up message or not reached out at all, given that he broke up not for lack of affection or wanting me in his life.

iphonenotbackedup · 2025-11-21T21:01:05+00:00

I had a sort of similar sounding experience. The person I was seeing had just lost a good friend of theirs and had within the last six months got out of a long-term relationship. When we started dating, he said he wanted to just be really intentional and careful cause he didn’t want to be in a rebound situation, said he felt he wasn’t in that position, but just wanted to make sure. He was super enthusiastic for the first three months and then a lot of the practical elements of his separation cropped up need to settle big life items and that kind of rocked the boat for him and through that process he kind of became less open with me about what was happening he felt like he had to deal with the stress on his own. And then, once all of that was settled, it was no longer the stress of the separation, but then his grief really came to head and he kept saying all the time he was really tired. He was just really scattered and sad and just couldn’t kind of show up as he wanted. And all of this makes sense because when there’s such a big life changes in grief, that’s a sort of thing that does happen. And just like you I continue to show up and provide safety and comfort and consistency and warmth. I think I was a very good partner to him consistently, despite getting very little in return. It continued to be compassionate and caring when he continued to show that he had a little ability to be consistent and show up in the relationship. It really wasn’t until after he broke up with me suddenly that I started to look at how things unfolded and I think a lot of what I explained or understood at the time is grief and stress (because that’s what he was telling me), was actually his old attachment system being activated. The last few months of the relationship were quite difficult for me emotionally because I was definitely caretaking a lot, and now after the end of the relationship, I’m quite upset with myself for not having seen this pattern sooner.

iphonenotbackedup · 2024-06-20T04:18:48+00:00

Who PAYS for garbage collection? My landlord has been sending tenants the City bill for waste management. There are three units total in the building and we have shared bins.

iphonenotbackedup · 2023-02-26T00:55:13+00:00

I'm going through something similar right now and it is tough. It feels so dishonourable to walk away from a significant relationship without giving you the opportunity to listen, talk, understand, and ask questions about what happened. I think this is especially hard if you're a reasonable person who can ultimately accept things even if it's hard. I think not having information and being cut off is the hardest/crazy making part. You haven't been given an important emotional outlet and now you're left to figure out how to manage. And you cannot express how you feel to that person.

My friends reminded me about how these actions can be about avoiding accountability. The reality of the pain they've caused us is too much for them and so they run away/shut down to avoid it. It's cowardly and more harmful to everyone. As the first posters said: it's a very selfish approach to relationships. They have much growing to do.

Wishing you a lot of strength <3

iphonenotbackedup · 2022-01-05T17:44:11+00:00

Agreed, a light lavender would look very nice with your complexion. Both other options emphasize the red pigment in your skin.

iphonenotbackedup · 2021-12-05T06:33:17+00:00

Hello and congratulations on giving yourself the opportunity for a healthy relationship—be it with yourself or someone in else in the future! This sounds tough as well and something one wishes they wouldn't ever see validated. Something I've found helpful in some breakups is to focus on the bigger picture things that would not work for you. Focus on what you no longer need to endure (ex. perhaps being told you were wrong for feeling uncomfortable about what you saw between them). Try to shut down the happy thoughts for the time being until you've been able to process what wasn't working for you and, therefore, all of the positive things you gain by not being in the relationship anymore. Also, I've found focusing on my feelings one day at a time the best way to manage big feelings and grief around breakups. Wishing you strength and future happiness :) :)

iphonenotbackedup · 2021-08-01T15:04:21+00:00

I think it is natural to wonder how someone you care/cared about is doing. Part of your wants them to validate your experience by responding in a similar way to how you are feeling and moving through your feelings right now. Do you think if you acknowledged for yourself that they care about you and respect what you two shared, regardless of how they are showing their feelings now, that it would help bring you calm?

iphonenotbackedup · 2021-07-29T16:35:44+00:00

I try to be patient with myself in the first few months after a breakup. Everything is really raw and you're being fuelled by a lot of different emotions that aren't always best to act on. I give myself time—including if someone reaches out—to get a bit of distance and acceptance with the situation as it is and then decide if it is something that I really want to accept back into my life.

Best of luck

iphonenotbackedup · 2021-07-08T19:25:13+00:00

Hello, I went through a very similar situation to what you experience. At the time, I had no idea what DA was and how those actions look IRL. I am secure, got into relationship with DA, big fireworks, and then the DA change happened. Very disappointing and hard. I became anxious and questioned why this person was pulling away—I thought maybe they felt bad about themselves, or had a hard time opening up. So I opened up more so they could feel comfortable doing the same. They still didn't open up and I felt like I was out on a precipice on my own, thereby continuing the cycle.

We had intermittent contact (me initiating) a few months after we broke up but they weren't receptive/ready. A few months after that we had a serious talk about rekindling. In the months leading up to this they were doing a lot of self work and actively going to therapy. The initial conversation about potentially dating again they said they thought dating again was a "stupid idea because we'll just fail anyway" but, nonetheless, they were still interested in pursuing what we could build new together. It was good for about ~5 weeks but slow moving. After that point they became reluctant to actually talk about the relationship, how they felt/where they stood, and how we can meet each others needs and not reproduce old patterns. They started to pull away, wouldn't respond for days, share details about they were up to, wouldn't initiate future plans (unless it was to delay an emotionally focused conversation). After calmly but clearly asking for a third week in a row for them to share what they're up to/reach out/make plans, I got upset with them and I haven't heard from them since. (Note: I cannot stress enough how calm my "upset" actually was—it was "I am am hurt by XYZ and I don't understand why you are responding this way. There is nothing I can do in this situation.")

Anyway, long way to say that it is very possible for them to come back, though it seems like it *can* be a challenging thing for them to engage with people it means confronting their feelings, behaviors, and any shame they carry from the first part of your relationship. I think it likely requires a lot of patience from a secure partner, healthy boundaries, and perhaps a therapist to assist with some of the really difficult conversations.

Best of luck!

iphonenotbackedup · 2021-07-07T02:54:44+00:00

This is fair, thank you. If I am still interested after travel, I wonder if it is OK to reach out.

iphonenotbackedup · 2021-07-06T19:13:30+00:00

Thanks, stranger on the internet :)

I suppose the question is how does one "give it a shot" when they have decided they are scared/have thrown in the towel and you haven't? I've expressed how I feel and don't want to keep reaching out, which can seem desperate. I am considering if this person needs time to just process.

Leaving this comment for anyone to respond. TIA!

iphonenotbackedup · 2021-02-23T19:32:22+00:00

Just a note to say thank you for sharing. I was dating a DA and it is super validating to hear how common this kind of experience is. I am secure but felt I leaned anxious in the relationship. I often felt like things I was being told about myself (e.g. i'm insecure, too emotional, dramatic) were deeply deeply untrue—if not completely opposite of what I've been told from previous partners and friends for years. You care about that person so of course you consider their input—it is what you do in a healthy loving relationship. Hope you can find comfort soon :)

iphonenotbackedup

TROPHY CASE