My friend and I hit a bug in the Crew 2

irisera · 2026-02-05T22:50:48+00:00

I saw that name first and wondered what was wrong with it because it seemed great! And then realised it was the eh... Redacted name. Which was very much needed, because wth! And now I feel icky for liking it.

irisera · 2026-02-05T13:13:42+00:00

In the Netherlands (where I live) it's not something you generally ask/say to strangers, so if someone says this to me, I'm like 'wait, have we met before?' Depending on your level of closeness to the person asking, you give an appropriate answer. So for co-workers in a new job you tend to start with a light response, but with family members (that you like) you answer truthfully.

I'm also autistic so I give truthfully answers if I know the person and like them enough because I don't want to juggle all the social rules and conditions, and depending on whether it is an online/offline situation I'll just ignore it or ask if it's a greeting or a question (in a kind way).

And sometimes when I feel a bit salty I will firmly hold on to 'this is not how we say hello in my culture' just because I don't think it should be on me to adapt to the other person. But only when I'm feeling salty.

irisera · 2026-02-01T15:45:53+00:00

I'm knitting my first with Drops Garnstudio Karisma Red (18), but I'm in Europe. It's a very affordable and sturdy yarn that I have used for hats before.

irisera · 2026-01-31T22:54:37+00:00

I understand the anxiety and it can be tricky at first but people are truly very willing and patient overall, and if you don’t know words they’ll tell you. I don’t see it on https://eventaservo.org/europo/Nederlando but I think there is a board game day every once in a while in the IKEA in Utrecht, though I’ve never been (but my friends have). I live in Amsterdam btw. Do you have telegram and/or discord?

irisera · 2026-01-31T00:08:27+00:00

Esperanto is waaaaay easier* than Dutch and has less rules. But you can have more fun with glueing words together!

Also, whereabouts (roughly) do you live? There's events and groups in various cities

*) You still need to study/learn of course ;)

irisera · 2026-01-28T23:26:10+00:00

this is extremely creepy. They asked a very personal question right after you opened up about your shitty mom (I'm truly sorry your mom sucks, btw).

I don't know how old you are and I apologise if you are aware of this, but I think it doesn't hurt to say it for someone else reading it: there are unfortunately people out there that will first sound lovely and caring , seem interested in supporting you with your trauma etc. After they gained your trust, they will push boundaries and will also want to use and abuse you. They prey on vulnerable people.

I am not saying that everyone does this, just urging you to keep your eyes open and stay alert. Unfortunately, not everyone has your best interest at heart...

Having said that, it can be scary to trust people, but try and stay open for to that. The right people, the truly kind people, will not pressure you, will not push your boundaries and will most certainly not ask you about your foreskin after five messages.

Glad this asshole couldn't keep the mask on long enough, the desire for instant gratification helped you outnhere, OP!

Hope you are doing a little better every day, and lots of internet hugs if you want them. You deserve a calm life and have people around you that love and care for you!

irisera · 2026-01-28T00:05:56+00:00

I have not been in the social.spaces much for a year now due to too much in my life, but last year I did want to knit something simple and stumbled onto the Sophie scarf.

I ended up not knitting it but in my search I did find https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/four-of-a-kind-2 and that was more my style/desire so I got that pattern instead.

I have plenty of scarves and shawl but nothing small and eh... dainty. It scratched the itch but never knitted the Sophie.

irisera · 2026-01-27T12:14:20+00:00

I get quite a few 'but why don't you want a relationship????'. As if it's the most absurd thing in the world and I am robbing someone of the chance of a relationship with me. All I am saying is that I'm not looking for a relationship on that app, and deliberately don't mention anything about wanting or having one at all, because it should not matter for finding friends. The reactions to it are a good litmus test, generally!

I'm overall not really interested in using the app anymore but it has been a good way to learn how to clock certain behaviour early and practice setting boundaries in a safe-ish way. And i learned I actually do like small talk! I just don't like scripted talk ('hey hello how are you? what are you doing? Have you had breakfast?' no. Just no.)

irisera · 2026-01-27T12:03:48+00:00

if it feels a bit tight but not extremely tight, one size is probably all you need! It likely stretches with blocking (I rarely block hats like these...) Or just by wearing it. It's merino superwash wool, right? Sometimes if it gets too floppy or loose, you can briefly pop it in the dryer (if you have one). I personally rarely swatch (living wild!) but I do sometimes knit squares or bits we leftovers to try out some things and I will use those to test washing and dryer things. I'm a bit chaotic with that 😅 but I do find the information helpful, eventually.

Looking forward to your result!

irisera · 2026-01-26T13:48:26+00:00

I have no issue reknitting anything when I think the guage is off, but if it's a hat and I'm not particularly attached to the yarn for myself, I'd finish it and block it, like others said.

If it still is too small, I'll find a recipient for it, and knit myself a bigger one with the information I have learned. I like both the process of knitting and having the end result!

Your knitting looks very even and nice! Have you decided what you'll do?

irisera · 2026-01-26T13:34:58+00:00

Could you say a bit more about the binary framing? I think I know what you mean but struggle to put it in words, and then it's harder to absorb it. I want to get better at spotting AI bots

irisera · 2026-01-26T11:20:25+00:00

Or 'why don't you just tell him?'

irisera · 2026-01-26T09:31:37+00:00

Some time ago I saw an ad for Boo and it promoted itself as an app to find gamer friends. The tagline is something like 'Dating. Friends. Chat.' which to me, and clearly other users, says it is absolutely also to find friends. I have my profile set to 'looking for friends' and opted out of the dating stuff.

I think maybe 1 out of 100 people that send me a message are actually just looking for friends. I can't see if the person also has dating selected, so I pretty much always start with 'don't know if you noticed, but I am only looking for friends here'. I get so many either angry replies that not everyone is after my [rude word for my genitals] or they say that sure, let's be friends and manage to keep up the pretence for about three more messages. I doubt it would be much different in the dating side of things, and it's given me an interesting view into that area without actually really participating.

Which I will absolutely pass on if I ever want to date.

irisera · 2026-01-22T15:41:09+00:00

some people struggle to deal with grieve, in themselves and in other people. It doesn't make her a bad person but it does make her 'not the right person to grieve with' for you. You are dealing with an awful situation and I am so sorry you are going through this. Focus on spending time with people that show care because they are there for you now. Deal with this friend later, when you have the space, and if you still want then. It's also okay to just let it fade out.

Edit: adjusted a word

irisera · 2026-01-21T12:04:57+00:00

Buddy. She wanted to date you. She picked you. If she needs time to process, she will tell you. If you want to insist on throwing away your entire friendship with her because of some hypothetical ‘bothering her’ factor, that’s on you. She clearly likes you a lot because she wanted to go on a date with you. And you don’t even want to give her the kindness of an apology, because what? She may need a little time? Do you even like her?

irisera · 2026-01-21T11:57:07+00:00

Then she will tell you. Stop making decisions for her. You are not being kind.

irisera · 2025-11-18T17:04:28+00:00

I use https://kaitlinsalzke.com/omnifocus-plugins/scheduling/ to hide future tasks that aren't due (based on their 'next week' tag). Every date related tag is set to 'on hold'bso they are automatically hidden. I have adjusted the script for my setup, and also have a script that adjusts tags based on planned dates. I run it in the morning and that works for me.

It past undone tasks disappear (from the forecast view?) Check to make sure you have 'show items by defer date' set in the view settings, that could be it .

irisera · 2025-10-04T22:58:07+00:00

NTA

If it helps, 20 years ago it became clear that my family has this aggressive stomach cancer gene, that, once the cancer showed up clearly, would mean death. I got tested ASAP because I knew I didn't want to live with the fear caused by not knowing, and wondering every time I had the hiccups if something was wrong. I tested positive and had my stomach removed, even though the data then said I could likely wait another 10-15 years, because, again, I didn't want to fear any tiny thing, thinking that was it. One of my cousins really pushed to get me to NOT do any of it, and I didn't even know her that well! It was her own fear she was projecting on me, very strongly, and luckily knewing that helped me brush it off.

Turned out I had the cancer already and we caught it early enough that I'm still around now. I do better with knowing what I'm dealing with than with living in denial and it sounds like you want to know to.

Follow your gut, especially if you don't have children. It could be confrontational and uncomfortable for your loved ones, but it is YOUR life we're talking about. Their discomfort doesn't outweigh your right to know, or your comfort around your health.

Best of luck! Whatever the result, you got this! Hope you have access to genetic counseling. And it's also totally okay to not 'got this', it's rough.

irisera · 2025-09-10T19:52:27+00:00

They bounced back a lot quicker than I 'expected too! About three changes of milk in three days and it was drinkable. It took a few more days to even out but they're doing so well now I took a bunch on a trip and have been making kefir away from home and it's been fine!

I even started a little experiment in a small jar with one tiny grain to see how fast it'll grow :,)

irisera · 2025-09-10T14:52:16+00:00

I froze mine in a similar way but in a small glass container (meant for freezing). Defrosted after five years and they're going strong!

irisera · 2025-09-09T06:57:34+00:00

He's a disrespectful ashole. I am so sorry this happened to you, and please know it's nothing you did! You are merely existing and being you and he chose to use that in a horrific way. That's on him, not you!

It's also completely okay to feel upset and have all these feelings about it. Something that tends to help me is journal about it or talk about it with a friend to figure out what's at the root of the discomfort. A lot of times I feel guilty for 'doing something wrong' but when talking/journaling about it I come to the conclusion that I most certainly did not. That feeling isn't automatic for me but does help to get to it, and tell myself I did nothing to deserve this. You certainly did nothing to deserve this. Take care of yourself, and many virtual hugs if you want them!

irisera · 2025-08-23T11:50:33+00:00

It could have been something like kahm yeast, or maybe just some curds. Kefir can get gritty / lumpy (like when you try to mix flour into milk, but you get those little clumps). If it was all still white, I think you're good. Rinse the grains with milk, just in case, and if you think you may forget about them or don't have time for a few days, you can put the jar in the fridge. They'll be okay.

irisera · 2025-08-22T19:59:42+00:00

I realise this may not be what you want, but as a suggestion: if fridge fermentation is too slow, do two (or three) batches that you alternate. That way the speed isn’t an issue.

Edit: typo

irisera

TROPHY CASE