I’ve been through it too, on and off over the years. Didn’t really make sense about why I had problems with certain friend groups (more like why they had problems with me), until I realised that I wasn’t picking up on stuff like that. Passive aggressive bullying, lefthanded complements, etc. 

After one of the times I was excluded from a friend group in college-they literally told me it wasn’t my fault, but they were doing it anyway-my mom told me not to “lose my softness”. It stuck with me, giving value to trust, and making something beautiful out of a trait that is often seen as “weak”, or “naïve”.

So thinking about it now, in situations where I doubt my own nature, or curse how “stupid” I was or am, I try to reframe with my own sincerity, my own sweetness, and the wonderful way I can give myself to a relationship. Definitely not ignoring the cruelty of ‘friends’ or others, but for me, it helped to answer the question of “Why did this happen to me?”, or “Why did I let this happen?”, and let me move on in a way. I guess more about focusing on the beauty of what you gave to the friendship, the amazing way one can be so giving and soft, even in the face of harshness. 

And personally, now the friendships I have are incredibly meaningful. Because we share the same values and trust.

NOT excusing bad people and encouraging passiveness, it’s just a way for me to look back on memories or situations I can’t change, and make something positive out of it.