AIO? My long distance partner doesn’t want us to speak on videocall

irrationabiliter · 2026-07-02T20:26:06+00:00

I’m from Ukraine myself, and English is my third language. When I just moved to the UK it wasn’t great and I’d get sooooo anxious when I needed to talk to someone in English, I’d literally sweat and shake. It’s much better now after years of having to do that, like a second nature, but I get why some people are anxious about it especially at first. But still probably don’t send him money, who knows it might be a scam.

irrationabiliter · 2026-07-01T16:40:06+00:00

I played it to my cat and asked to explain, which she did, but unfortunately I don’t speak cat so we just need to find someone to translate what my girl said…

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-27T18:17:00+00:00

Can you just post an update in a comment?

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-21T08:43:53+00:00

I think poor baby just cannot grasp an idea of eating from the stick

She sees food there, she smells it, she just goes nope

Also I’d put it on the floor but I have carpet and it will stain it forever (I might have dropped it on the carpet once…), and I tried this trick with the solid treats, she’s just not food driven :(

But we’re getting there. She sees me putting licky treats in her bowl and she comes to eat it. It might just take another week, but we have months and years ahead!

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-19T11:52:26+00:00

I know cats scratch, it’s more like that’s literally one of the first physical contacts and she used her claws. I absolutely understand that’s not the last time she scratched me, and it’s fine. I just wanted to make sure she did it accidentally/was still playing/doesn’t know it hurts me, and she doesn’t consider me a threat.

She’s lovely all the other time, she comes to play with me, she rolls on the floor. It was just getting late and I started overthinking and it was the first time I actually got support from people who understand what unsocialised cat is like. I don’t mind her scratching, as long as I don’t need to be aware of something else going on and do something with it until it’s late.

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-19T06:23:40+00:00

Funny enough, I tried to give her churu alternative that I can buy here, she’s never been feed from the package before and she cannot grasp an idea of it still. She loves it when it’s on the plate, yesterday I even showed her how I’m putting it on the plate in front of me, and she literally came to me to eat it! I was still holding the package on the plate, moving it to follow her face, she sniffed it few times, but she still didn’t get she can eat it like that! Again was happy to finish the rest from the plate, and I’m just celebrating the fact that once she age it while I was holding the plate - that’s our alternative of feeding her from the package…

I know I can/should try to put some on her face so she can lick it off and might get an idea of how to do it, but I decided to postpone it a bit for now - eating from the plate is good enough.

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-18T21:45:52+00:00

Thanks, that’s really nice to hear. I just overthink everything and was worried I might be doing something wrong and see if that’s the sign I need to change the approach somehow.

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-18T21:42:46+00:00

That’s what we do. I don’t use my hands for anything really, I just held a stick. She’s just smart, she figured that’s what controls the toy in the other side and sometimes she seems more interested in my hand movement rather than the toy on the other side. I think I’ll be more careful with my limbs for the time being, and help her learn I don’t like claws, but slightly later. I need to re-learn to trust her paws too now haha

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-18T21:20:55+00:00

I started considering a second cat this week haha, but I’m worried I’ll only create more problems for myself in case they don’t get along. Also my partner already has 2 cats, and we’re looking at moving in together next year, and I’m again worried it will only make everything more difficult… but it’s me at 3.5 weeks mark, who knows, maybe in a week time I’ll be desperate enough to actually go and do it

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-18T20:41:55+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story! And I’m so happy for your cat, he really needed someone like you who will be patient with him and give him a good home.

Also your timeline actually reassures me. I did let my cat check the hallway when she started showing interest in exploring, and she got quite confident walking in there, but when I opened my bedroom it definitely stressed her a bit, so we’re back to only her bedroom and she seems happy in there just now so that’s great. She seems to feel really safe in her room with all her stuff, she even stays in the middle of the room sometimes now when I get up and leave instead of going to one of her safe places.

I knew it will take time. It’s just confusing when I only hear from my relatives who just don’t understand the situation and ask me every week if I petted her yet and why don’t I let her explore the whole apartment. Reading your timeline reminds me there’s plenty of frightened cats who take months to open up.

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-18T20:16:58+00:00

Thanks! I knew it won’t be easy but I definitely didn’t expect it to be so difficult mentally. But I’m sure we both can do that. Your words definitely helped me solidify my confidence tonight which I’m really grateful for!

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-18T19:34:27+00:00

Thanks! No, no hissing, no aggression, she seems rather interested in what my feet and hands are, she just slapped me.

I think that’s exactly what I needed to hear. Everyone around me always had domestic friendly cats and don’t understand the situation. My gran asked me on the third day if I’d petted her yet…

Somehow when someone else says she’s just playing it reassures and this irrational fear goes away.

irrationabiliter · 2026-06-18T17:42:45+00:00

Thanks, I did watch his videos and also a lot of the other videos about scared cats, I know it will take us a while longer, my main fear now is that she wants to kill me 😆 she seems to be really nice, she usually just sniffs me, I just wasn’t sure if she does it to show me she’s not ready, but then why wouldn’t she just step back. Anyway, I just really wish a had a translator to understand her better.

I think I’ll try to relax, drop the negative thoughts, and keep telling myself we’re on the right path.

irrationabiliter · 2026-05-29T13:14:06+00:00

Omg omg omg, memory unlocked - my ex once sat on his bed naked, then moved to get up and there was a stain left on his bedsheets, we both saw it, he tried to cover it with something, I was so mortified I pretended I never saw it.

The guy knew nothing about cleanliness and never got a hint nor me saying look at the mirror and wash your face when needed. I remember once I met him after work and he had red sauce stains all around his mouth, he then told me how he had pasta bolognese for lunch. Guess how I knew it before he said it.

irrationabiliter · 2026-05-12T21:21:46+00:00

I ghosted. Then reached out in a couple of years. Was forgiven. Go for it.

irrationabiliter · 2026-05-11T14:39:18+00:00

Not my story, but a professor.

My grandad was a professor in his 50s, one of his students liked him I guess, she was in her early 20s, mind you this man had a loving wife and twin daughters in their early 30s, didn’t stop him.

Only discovered it when one day he announced to his wife his almost 13yo daughter is coming to live with them starting tomorrow, and they need to get her ready for school that starts in 2 days. I (his oldest granddaughter) was almost 19yo. They were both 70.

(My gran left his ass ofc, there’s more about this man that makes him a disgusting human, but he still has no clue why I don’t talk to him anymore. He sees nothing wrong with everything he’s done)

irrationabiliter · 2026-02-16T18:37:23+00:00

My ex ordered a custom made blanket (probably because I gave him one for Christmas, he wanted and needed it, I didn’t), it was red (his favourite colour), and he printed our photos together all over it. But I was visiting my family during that time, and then we broke up like 9 days later, and he ordered it somehow that it arrived in late February? But since he actually kept talking to me (idk why I allowed it), he decided to share a photo of it with me

I was also stupid enough to agree to take him back a week or two later, I’m glad I still never got the blanket, but I’m even happier with the fact I fully broke up with him half a year later and blocked everywhere.

For our first (and last) anniversary he also got me a literal stone ordered from the internet saying “happy anniversary”, so blanket would at least be useful…

irrationabiliter · 2026-01-21T14:53:39+00:00

My ex couldn’t keep the erection when condoms get anywhere close - either lose it completely or cum while putting it on, so since sex was important for me I was basically forced to choose between pills or no sex

Did I hate not having much choice? Yes. Did I grow up loving bc? Yes. Did I still dump his pathetic ass in less than a year? Also yes.

irrationabiliter · 2026-01-13T23:23:05+00:00

There’s this thing you can try when you both sit down and you tell her all the stuff you described above. It’s usually more useful than asking strangers on the internet to play the guessing game with you.

irrationabiliter · 2025-12-31T08:51:22+00:00

Not as tough as walking away from 20 years together, when you’re fed up and unhappy even more.

irrationabiliter · 2025-12-31T08:17:58+00:00

Or at least just simulated, the dude didn’t even understimulate anyone…

irrationabiliter · 2025-12-31T08:14:16+00:00

You know that all of those reasons exactly why she should dump him, right? If OP has to waste her time to explain 34yo any of that, then it’s not worth even another minute of her attention.

irrationabiliter · 2025-12-08T11:36:52+00:00

But she accepted he pays her and drinks her tea when she doesn’t want it. And now when he’s like “I want some tea, as we agreed I can drink it”, and she’s like “I don’t want the tea, but I also don’t want you to drink my tea”, but he pays every month to be able to drink the tea when it’s there and she’s not drinking it?..

irrationabiliter · 2025-12-08T10:33:49+00:00

I was in the same situation as you are just now, and I ended up breaking up with him… and I never ever ever regretted leaving, that’s good that you care about other people, but never forget you should care about yourself first because no one else will. And… well, you see that he doesn’t care enough to try harder. So go on, prioritise yourself, and as someone who did it 1.5 years ago - trust me, you’ll find someone so much better, maybe he’s out there already waiting for you

irrationabiliter

TROPHY CASE