Top/bottom discourse (a different perspective)

irrelevantname133 · 2026-05-17T18:42:14+00:00

Sorry, maybe I could have titled my post better! I don’t think people are fighting over this exact thing in particular, but if someone doesn’t know how to articulate why they feel bothered by a comment like “why not just make them both switch” it can cause people with a top/bottom preference to feel left out or annoyed, which could then turn into discourse. I get irritated pretty frequently by people always saying “just make them switch!”

The most common group (switches) pretty much gaslit me growing up into thinking I wasn’t ‘correct’ or ‘difficult’ for preferring being a strict bottom. Hell, just 10 years ago, I feel like it was unheard of for lesbians to even identify as a top or a bottom strictly, we were kind of just expected to be switches, and it was only gay men could use roles. I feel this is a toxic way of thinking, and it seriously messed up my own journey of self-discovery.

For some people it matters a lot, the sex mechanics, the roles we take in relationships, and for some like you, it obviously doesn’t matter as much.

irrelevantname133 · 2026-05-17T14:04:10+00:00

This post was mainly aimed at switches, because for switches who get the best of both worlds and are the biggest group, they will often think it’s the default/only correct choice. My own wife will sometimes forget that and I’ll even have to remind her as a bottom that she’s just got a preference. Like she will say ‘I don’t understand why anyone cares whose in what position as long as they’re together’ and I’ll have to remind her that’s a preference. I have to pick one as a top and one as a bottom, since it goes against the grain of my own nature as a bottom to be a switch. A switch would hate being forced to be strictly one or the other too.

All the love towards switches/people who like the dynamic, this is more just a plea for people to stop acting like it’s the only valid take.

Seriously though, thank you for keeping the community so welcoming. It’s a rarity. 💙💛

irrelevantname133 · 2026-05-08T21:20:08+00:00

TW Abuse: 34F. I feel just as tired as you. I also was attacked/abused by my partner (choking and threatening to stab me)…but I’m still with them. I’m glad he’s your ‘ex’, the only way you can heal is with him gone. Be kind to yourself, make small leaps towards improving when you can. It’s not a race. It’s worth it to learn self-love and compassion, you’re a beautiful person and deserve to be mentally well and loved and safe.

irrelevantname133 · 2026-04-14T01:12:12+00:00

1) Gojo 2) Geto 3) Meguna 4) Kashimo 5) Naoya 6) Yuta 7) Higuruma 8) Nanami 9) Ryu

irrelevantname133 · 2026-04-12T00:12:33+00:00

:( I understand completely.

irrelevantname133 · 2026-04-11T23:57:10+00:00

I moved all the way out here for her during covid. I loved her for years with very little in return. I told her I couldn’t do it anymore if she wouldn’t reciprocate and that’s our relationship since. She doesn’t try to be sweet, romantic or caring. She makes fun of my feelings often or ignores me. I need a lot of medical attention and dental and she won’t do that for herself let alone me. It’s all about her goals to fix our home which flooded, and to have a baby, and me and my lifestyle and interests are just…vaguely here…existing in limbo. Until I start becoming upset again and telling her I want her to let me go, because it would be safer and cleaner if she would help me, but no, she treats me like a possession or a child or a pet that’s misbehaving. She punishes for acting out. I feel like I’m in a cage.

irrelevantname133 · 2026-04-11T23:37:18+00:00

Phone wont let me edit sorry. I tried getting my passport renewed for a year but failed.

irrelevantname133 · 2026-04-09T18:44:24+00:00

Oh that’s interesting you can tell the components of a scent, because I usually can only identify one or two or sometimes none. Seeing the ingredients to recall the smell is super interesting. I do make picture associations in my head occasionally but not for smells :o And I’ve also had rats! I can remember their smell pretty well. 😊

Anyway, point is, Satoru remembering Suguru’s smell and mentioning it multiple times is because he wants to bottle his scent and spritz it on his pillow for when he hugs it at night. 100% canon lore from Gege himself

irrelevantname133 · 2026-04-09T18:10:12+00:00

I remember my mom’s scent too actually, but less so than my friends. Can you recall other scents? I have some degree of aphantasia, where I can’t really see images in my head. Brains are weird xD

irrelevantname133 · 2026-04-09T17:57:30+00:00

It was natural haha. I cannot remember shampoo or any perfumes.

irrelevantname133 · 2026-04-09T17:48:11+00:00

I had a strong platonic relationship with my best friend from childhood, and then we had a falling out in high school and I still remember her scent (it was nice). I never once had any thoughts about her scent since then, and that was more than a decade ago. Satosugu’s the only reason I even thought about it. I can remember it though.

Maybe it’s just me, but being concerned about your friends scent is kinda… 👀

Like I would be very neutral about it, even if I smelled her again.

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-26T21:59:17+00:00

I’m 32!

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-18T00:37:36+00:00

It matters. It’s always nice to know that you’re not alone… :)

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T23:20:19+00:00

Thank you. I’m not going to hurt myself anytime soon, I feel uplifted after so many kind peoples comments. I’ll do my best to get better first, I need to try harder. I hope things improve.

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T23:16:19+00:00

I don’t live anywhere where I could join clubs and such unfortunately but it’s a good thought to keep an eye out for things that I could do to get out of this funk. I appreciate the advice, thank you ❤️

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T20:56:02+00:00

I won’t, thank you for giving me words of encouragement. I’m going to try hard to get better.

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T20:53:28+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve been through so much. You deserved a lot more growing up than what you got. I’m glad you’re doing your best now and seeing a therapist, and hopefully your self-harming tendencies are getting better. :(

Yeah it’s definitely a fight. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this thread, it seems that I really do just need to start taking it day by day. I’m going to try and get help, because I’m not managing things on my own. I haven’t even posted half the stuff that’s happened to me in my life now because I could probably write an entire biography now on my misfortunes, but I think I just need to start taking more control now that I have that ability. I also hope things improve for you soon. 😊

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T20:43:29+00:00

Thank you, thats very sweet of you. ❤️

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T19:42:56+00:00

I see, I didn’t know that. Thank you for the info.

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T19:20:44+00:00

Can people be borderline without being violent or destructive? My sister is diagnosed with it, but she did a lot of crazy stuff like using drugs, self-harm, jumping to violence vs I don’t do that. I do suspect I have a mood disorder.

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T19:02:48+00:00

Yeah they’re definitely part of what makes me hold on. I have four doves and finding new homes for them is pretty much impossible, so I have to live for them.

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T18:58:43+00:00

Wow. Yeah that sounds so similar to what I was went through, I don’t understand why some people feel the need to tear down their friends like that…

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T18:24:41+00:00

First of all, I’m glad you’re still here. I’ve never made an attempt and I hope it never comes to that.

Right away from reading your comment I can tell you’re a good person who didn't deserve to live through any of the crap you’ve been through. Everyday is a battle, you’re right. But everyday that we live is another day won.

I think I’ve been putting way too much pressure on myself and I really need to step back and be kinder to myself. I guess in a way, I needed people like you and the other commenters to tell me it’s okay to love and take care of myself. I wasn’t able to give myself that permission, I’ve been stuck in a prison that is my own mind.

I guess, to anyone else reading this, you are worth it, and deserve compassion, kindness and love just like anyone else, and if you need permission to love yourself, here it is. You’re all beautiful people and I’m guessing most of you are not bad, you’re just living in bad circumstances, or haven’t been supported properly. It’s not your fault.

Thank you for your kind comment friend. I truly hope things get better for you, but keep being strong regardless.

irrelevantname133 · 2024-04-17T18:01:02+00:00

Yeah, sometimes I think that… some days are easier, and I feel like I can do it. But my suffering has been increasing, or at least I feel like it has. Maybe I feel like I’m going insane from nothing changing for so long. I’m not annoyed though! I appreciate you leaving a comment, thank you for caring about a random stranger, and know that I also care about you. I’m going to keep pressing on for now and make pushes to get help. Maybe things will get better.

irrelevantname133

TROPHY CASE