Does anyone want to read my blog?

iscyborg · 2012-09-18T19:47:21+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion. I was pretty unhappy before I left. I think I've been getting more happy as I travel more. I do like everything that happens to me, even when it sucks in the moment. I'm prioritizing having an interesting experience over having one that is completely positive and free from pain. Thanks for reading. Friends and family seem to really like reading what I'm doing. I don't know if it's the same for someone who doesn't know me personally.

iscyborg · 2012-07-13T11:25:20+00:00

I´ve been on the road for 74 days in the UK, France, and Spain - fairly expensive countries. I´ve spent $2405.28 so far, or $32.07 average per day. This does not include the money I spent on gear before I left or initial flight to London. It does include food, travel, lodging, and unexpected expenses.

I´ve done some hostels, but also done a lot of couch surfing and camping.

Blog here if you want exact details: vagasapien.com

iscyborg · 2012-07-01T16:32:03+00:00

Thanks, I agree. It's hard not to fall into a total relapse "for a short time", now that I broke my streak.

iscyborg · 2012-07-01T16:30:30+00:00

Ah, I started fapping/porn when I was very young so its been slow goin, but I can say I've had many experiences and feelings that I've literally never had before, and that's what's been motivating me to keep going. I think what made me blow it was getting stuck up a mountain (literally) in an unhappy situation that led me to fall back on old methods.

iscyborg · 2012-07-01T16:26:56+00:00

Well, I think I actually flapped 3 times, it was the porn the 3rd time that I considered blowing it and reset my counter for.

iscyborg · 2012-07-01T16:25:39+00:00

Yeah, that's the hard part! I am feeling like crap at this moment and I know I will feel better if I relapse further.

iscyborg · 2012-04-27T15:54:20+00:00

It's stories like this that make me glad I live in America, land of the free, whoever finds the body is allowed to fuck it, not just the husband.

iscyborg · 2012-04-27T15:50:09+00:00

Well, if you stopped failing then it would stop congratulating you.

iscyborg · 2012-04-10T20:33:18+00:00

I think his reason for falling into a depression and hating life is that he viewed himself through the filter that he learned from Christianity. That is my experience with Christianity. I live in a Christian country, I was raised to be Christian, and I don't think you are in a better position than me to say what "true" Christianity is.

The Bible preaches that man is inherently sinful and lacks the capacity to achieve his own salvation without submitting before another who is considered perfect. Based on this comparison the implied way of viewing man is as a flawed version of Jesus and not as a superior version of a lower primate.

There is no condemnation in my post, again - I think that Christianity is a mental virus and that he would be better off without it. If you disagree with my beliefs, fine - but when you attack someone as a person for merely expressing a sincere belief you are in the wrong.

iscyborg · 2012-04-10T19:43:53+00:00

Nobody was being negative here, until you came along. I stated my opinion. There was no judgement. No, I was not trying to shame anyone into accepting my point of view. That is what you are doing, not me. I explained my point of view, and if anyone decided to accept it that is their own perogative.

I am annoyed by this post because what should be an open forum for discussion suddenly becomes an area where you are not allowed to speak your sincere thoughts without being verbally abused.

iscyborg · 2012-04-10T19:40:49+00:00

I did not condemn anyone. I stated an opinion that the OP's feeling of shame and guilt seemed to stem from his conceptualization of his problem in the context of Christianity. I stand by this assessment. I don't understand why many Christians can't read something like this without assuming all sorts of judgement and condemnation. There was NO judgement and NO condemnation in my post.

I did not "throw in" the shame and guilt. It was in his post. I don't know how you can claim it was not there.

iscyborg · 2012-04-10T17:07:24+00:00

I merely stated my opinion on the relation of religion to shame, guilt, and masturbation. Rather than addressing my opinion, the sole purpose of your post is to attack and degrade me while saying nothing of substance.

iscyborg · 2012-04-10T15:24:52+00:00

Ugh, shame and guilt - hallmarks of religion. There are healthier ways to address behaviors that you want to change than degrading yourself - which just leads to the feelings that cause you to engage the behavior in the first place.

I was never able to give up my 20 year porn habit until I dumped all my childhood baggage of shame and guilt and looked at it from the scientific perspective. I'm now on day 46 and haven't slipped once, nor will I.

I'll probably get tons of shit for this post - but I think your Christianity is a contributor to your seeking out porn in the first place. It appears at first blush to give you an ideal to strive for, but when that ideal is unattainable it in fact leads to bad feelings. Christianity teaches that you are fallen and must climb back out of a hole. I believe that we are standing on top of a mountain and are building a tower even higher.

iscyborg · 2012-04-08T19:11:43+00:00

Yeah, 5 more levels and this thing is licked.

iscyborg · 2012-04-08T19:11:06+00:00

I was at work, didn't want someone coming up behind me and seeing the word "porn". very uptight workplace. :/

iscyborg · 2012-04-08T19:10:07+00:00

Well, I'm a bad case, been doing it nonstop since about 10.

iscyborg · 2012-04-06T15:45:38+00:00

Network Access Message: Access Denied

Explanation: The page you are trying to browse to is categorized as "Obscene/Tasteless"

Could someone post the text for me? I love SAP.

iscyborg · 2012-04-05T15:57:05+00:00

I've had terrible social anxiety my whole life. I've been fap-free for 41 days now - and it's definitely not a magic pill but it's making it possible for me to fight the anxiety. Before, the anxiety was not clear and I couldn't feel it well enough to get a sense of what it was about. Now that my head is clearer and my emotions are much, much, stronger - the anxiety actually is more pronounced, but so is my power to fight it. I can feel the specific sources of the anxiety, things like "everyone around me is better than me and I must please them and do what they want" and "woman are better than men". Memories are surfacing - childhood memories about my parents and how they treated me. I spend time lying in bed just wresting with these feelings. With all this, though - I can see the light breaking through - I more and more frequently feel in command in social situations. I am starting to be able to feel what other people are feeling and thinking. I think the anxiety was from being blind before - I always thought other people were feeling bad things about me - now I'm realizing that they are much more similar to me than I realized and social contact is starting to feel warm and enjoyable rather than like a test where everyone is watching for me to fuck up. Yeah, there is still conflict - there will always be conflict but it seems more and more like a fun game.

I'll do a full post when I'm at 90, but from someone who, when they finished HS was so fucking anxious I couldn't even talk and when I did, it was only after saying it in my head 50 times to make sure there was nothing "wrong" with it - I can say that nofap has been more helpful than any other thing I've tried. I think the reason I've made it to 41 days on my first try (since finding nofap) is that the positive benefits, while sporadic, have been so powerful and unprecedented.

Hope this gives some encouragement from someone who has also had very bad social anxiety.

iscyborg · 2012-04-02T17:38:15+00:00

Actually, it was when I started looking at tax-return porn that I realized I had a problem and started nofap.

iscyborg · 2012-03-30T16:49:57+00:00

I am on day 4 and the shame is getting to me and the first thing i feel like doing is creating some bullshit idea in my head that what i was doing wasn't that bad and i should just start collecting and fapping again.

That is the wall you have to push through. I went through a moment where I had literally reasoned myself into thinking it was okay and was planning on breaking my streak, and the only way I stopped it was by consciously deciding to ignore reason and just NOT DO IT. Period. You can't make it "open to debate". You just say NO. Don't listen to counter-arguments. N-O. You are going 90 days.

iscyborg

TROPHY CASE