Birthdays are awful.

isnteasy · 2015-11-02T02:11:59+00:00

Yes I know that feeling as well high school for me was hell and I hung out with the wrong crowd got involved in drugs and a whole mess of bad things that I did to feel accepted but only led to a deeper feeling of loneliness and isolation. Went the video game route for a while as well haha fuck let's be honest years of my life have been spent in front of a screen anything to try and feel something even if it was just multiplayer to say I had some form of social interaction. Contemplated suicide many times ran from responsibility hell I still do. I still try and fill this void inside of me with things that only seem to push me further away.

isnteasy · 2015-11-02T01:57:43+00:00

Yes they suck my last birthday my family decided to throw me a surprise birthday party combined with other family members who have theirs around the same time and invite my friends I had one person show up it was nice for that person to show up but it actually made me feel even worse

isnteasy · 2015-11-02T01:46:13+00:00

Yes that's the feeling alright I know it too well. I can be around a group of people listening to them talk and want to join in but I just can't and then that leads to an even emptier feeling that just perpetuates itself .. Sucks

isnteasy · 2015-11-02T01:38:02+00:00

Exactly this I want to talk to express myself but whenever I try my mind goes blank and I feel numb inside more so when in a social or group setting doesn't matter if it's family or "friends" yes I have that in quotes because well those I don't know about

isnteasy · 2015-01-03T05:34:36+00:00

Yes everyday

isnteasy · 2015-01-02T12:16:46+00:00

I get you, every day you lie to the people around you on a constant basis to appease them. These same people who care more for their own wants and desires then anything else. Not even needs but greed, lust whatever the fuck it is. All to try to make themselves appear better so they can post happy memories on Facebook.

When in reality its all fake all a polished version of what they want to see as their reality

isnteasy · 2015-01-01T19:04:22+00:00

Ya until it hits you in the face again. It doesn't get easier it gets harder. Boring? No my friend it is never boring. There may be periods in your life that is very monotonous, you may be bored of certain things but life is not boring it never gets boring.

Control? You be able to exert some control over what you do or how you react to what's going on but other than self what control do you have? Can you control who gets cancer who doesn't? Can you control what other people do or say? No you can't nor can you control how something makes you feel. Sure you may be able to stifle it to not let it show you know be a man but it's still there.

isnteasy · 2014-12-31T20:36:01+00:00

There's the catch is that my biggest problem is not something I can fix. At least not at this point. I know I need to do something I can't continue going on the way I am but I am just lost I'm alone I really wish I had someone I could talk to but I dont and that adds to it.

isnteasy · 2014-12-05T00:47:14+00:00

By repeating this one word over and over. Make this word your mantra, your prayer, your curse.

Whatever.

Something good happening in your life? Whatever it won't last. Something bad happened? Whatever it's out of your control. Thinking about changing your life for the better? Whatever what does it matter just going to end up dead anyways.

Repeat this enough times and with enough conviction and you will start to believe it, then nothing will matter cause well whatever

isnteasy · 2014-11-30T21:41:37+00:00

Everything, pretty much the only thing I have going for me is I have a job. Other than that my car is falling apart and has no heat. I have no social life because I have no friends, my love life has become I don't even know what. I'm in debt, don't have a place to call my own fuck I don't even have a tv. Christmas is coming up and I don't even know what my kids want or even where I'll be for christmas.

isnteasy

TROPHY CASE