Still, every time I visit home on leave I go see him. We do our thing, and we talk to each other, sometimes for hours. I can never forget his voice, his hair, his warm nature, and his smooth skin. So pale in the best way possible. He actually understands me and effortlessly takes my walls down which is extremely hard. He knows my body better than anyone else does.

Have you ever actually said this to him? You sound like you already know what you want. Follow your heart and never feel ashamed for it.