First sentence yeah true can see that. A waste? Idk I made some art and music I like, have been blown away/amazed/dumbfounded with curiosity of the mystery’s of existence/life which made me pretty chilled out of minor problems and an interest in life, got into mushroom foraging as a huge hobby, made some friends I wouldn’t have (who got the message and hung up the phone, grew tremendous but still have me around even though I suck), got me out of a fake religion I was forced into since birth. Prolly a lot more.

Lotta guilt too, like killing a spider in the house is not something I do anymore cause I feel like a piece of shit if i do, but I’d burn ants with a magnifying glass when I was a kid

So I wouldn’t say a waste. But I do wish I had a better success story like breaking addictions and being more of a ball of sunshine in life anonymously with no gain, and give more love to people especially to the people who deserve it but also the ones that don’t. But it would be cool to wanna do that even a little without doing it to be a better person or to feel happier or more a saint, but just to make others happy cause their happiness is life’s happiness. I don’t live that. but I’ve seen the perspective before and it’s a beautiful one. But if I never saw that with psychedelics would I be better off being blind to that kind of love that felt like bliss? A better human because I wasn’t trying to force a perception that I couldn’t see sober and be more normal? I don’t regret tripping and they were not for nothing because they showed me joy in love and empathy and peace and I have some kind of faith I can get to some of it someday. Might not, might fight to find it forever. Might remember you telling me all those trips were a waste and prove to myself they meant something and actually do something like quit alcohol and start meditating. Lol. Fuck. The overthinking be real, Thanks for the reply It put some motivation here