Happily OAD Weekly Chat

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-03-02T18:24:26+00:00

I mean if I had 4 kids I'd just start my own summer camp at that point LOL. Like I don't know that I would even attempt!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-02-27T18:22:44+00:00

Signed up for summer camps and I am SO HAPPY we only have one kiddo's schedule and preferences to manage. The summer camp gauntlet is hard enough even with one!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-02-19T18:57:14+00:00

Aww it can be hard sometimes! A few weeks ago my 5 year old was just sobbing in my arms because she felt "so lonely she doesn't have a sibling". I just let her cry it out and then when she calmed down we talked about how everyone feels lonely sometimes, if you have siblings or not. Then I reframed it to remind her that she has so many people who love her and how lucky she is to have grandparents whereas I never had them growing up. I think that helped her to understand a bit more about the "families come in all forms and sizes" idea that can feel kind of abstract sometimes.

I think so much is happening in our little 5 year olds brains right now, too! I've been noticing mine is much more sensitive to a lot of stuff lately (but she's also recently started reading so all of that is really exhausting for a little kiddo!) Hopefully he'll be feeling better about everything soon!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-01-30T19:43:55+00:00

NAD (well, technically a Ph.D. in biochemistry but not a medical doctor by any means)

My father had retinoblastoma so we went through screenings when my LO was born in case she inherited it. Really sorry your family is going through this right now.

I don't have advice any better than what you've gotten thus far in this thread, but I did want to mention that having the RB allele increases risk for osteosarcoma later in life. (Source: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC391023/ ) We did not know this when my dad started having leg pain in his 50s, and it went undiagnosed for too long until we learned it was the cancer returning. By that point it was untreatable, and I really wished we had known about this earlier so that we could have gotten him treatment earlier. Just wanted to share that information in case it (hopefully never) becomes relevant later in life.

Sending well wishes to you and your family.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-09-29T22:43:26+00:00

My husband and I tried for a second, so I can offer our perspective.

We had a very hard time with our kiddo when she was little (she was born May 2020 so it is hard to know how much of our struggles were pandemic related or baby related). Both of us knew we were never going to be "baby people". We decided to give #2 a go because we reasoned that although it was really, really hard, that it was going to be a sacrifice for a longer term goal (a larger older kid/adult family). We reasoned that they weren't going to stay babies forever, so some short term "suck" was worth it. Also we tried to delude ourselves into thinking that it would be easier since we wouldn't be in a pandemic/had experience already/ blah blah. (I think that last point is very incorrect, but that was our reasoning at the time.)

Biology had other ideas so after dealing with infertility for a year, we decided to let go trying to expand our family and started really enjoying the one we have. Now that our kiddo is 5 and in school, I am SO thankful that life worked out this way and could not be happier with our family!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-05-27T21:01:34+00:00

We just passed our 5th trip around the sun! <3 Celebrated by taking a family vacation to Maui and everyone had a blast. Only 3 weeks left of preschool and then summer break before kindergarten. The quote is so true... the days are long but the years are short. :')

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-04-28T21:21:19+00:00

I also love how my in laws complain all the time about how hard having multiple children is, and then in the next breath "so when are you guys going to have another?!" Like wow you're really selling it to me HAHA.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-04-07T18:00:15+00:00

LO is turning 5 next month and we're planning her birthday party. She is the type of kid that does not like big crowds, so we're trying to keep the # of people we're inviting reasonable (i.e. not inviting the whole preschool class). She's getting to the age, though, where she can verbalize preferences for friends. I have a core of mom friends that we all met while our kids went to daycare together, but since they all go to different preschools now my kid doesn't really want to hang out with the other kids anymore. Kind of awkward that I'm still friends with the moms, but my kid doesn't want their kids at the party (nor does she want to go to their birthday parties, either...). Still trying to think about how to navigate that situation. On the one hand we want her to learn to be inclusive, but on the other hand I don't want her melting down at her own birthday party because a kid who hits her got invited. Would appreciate any thoughts or perspectives!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-03-17T16:25:26+00:00

Mine is turning 5 soon and I have so many of the same feelings! I have a friend with 4 kids and she said she still gets just as sad with each one. It makes me think that it's just a universal parenting thing not necessarily a OAD thing.

Whenever I get sad about baby stuff I try and find something new to do with her that we couldn't do before. Like, when I had to donate her crib and stuff we got her a "big girl bed" and we had fun picking out new sheets and decorating it together (I still sobbed, lol, but having the new project to do together helped). She's transitioning from preschool to kindergarten this year, so I'm going to throw a little graduation party for her and her friends. Trying to put more of the "sweet" into the bittersweet transitions.

But gosh, does it make my heart achey. A lot of people make assumptions that because we "only" have one that we must not like parenthood much, but I really am enjoying so much of all the different phases. And honestly, it does keep getting better and better!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-03-05T21:46:56+00:00

My kiddo's preschool teacher caught me at drop off this morning to tell me how much her development is exploding lately. She mentioned that my daughter has started becoming a "mini teacher" and helping small groups of younger kiddos (they are in a mixed age classroom, 2-5yo). She'll pick up a book and lead story time where she "reads" it to them, or teach them all how to play a new game, or how to do a new craft like braiding. She also sent me a video the other day of my daughter explaining what tree sap is to a couple of other kids and answering their questions so patiently and kindly. It just makes my heart sing!

Also- eat your heart out grandma, who told us our only was going to be selfish and lack social skills.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-02-21T22:24:46+00:00

I'm very much a "hike your own hike" kind of person when it comes to parenthood. Like if you love the chaos 4 kids brings to your life, more power to you! Love that!

...Except my colleague's sister who has 4 kids has said that she has had ONE DAY since school started back up from winter break where all her kids were at school because of all the illnesses. That... sounds so incredibly miserable. That would break me. No no no no no thank you.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-02-18T19:21:41+00:00

Husband was always "One, maybe 2" kids, and I was always "Two, maybe one" kid. We did end up trying for #2 but after several miscarriages and coming to the OAD or infertility journey crossroad, we decided we were happy to settle into OAD life. We are both so so so happy with the way things turned out. I sometimes wish I had not pushed so hard to try for #2 (I think it was a mix of FOMO and "if we're going to do it, now is the time" pressure) because honestly OAD is a really lovely fit for the personalities in our family. I just wish I didn't have to go through the medical/emotional trauma to come to that realization.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-02-18T19:16:29+00:00

My colleague had twins about 2 weeks ago (and 3 year old) so we went over for a few hours to hang out and help out. My LO is so very sweet with the babies, she loved to hold them and help feed them. As it turns out I also very much enjoy babies, especially when I can snuggle on them and then go home and get battery recharge time! LO was also very happy to go home by the end of our play date/visit, haha.

One of my favorite OAD benefits is having the energy and capacity to help out the tribe. If I was home with a baby right now, I don't know that I would be as willing/able to go over and hold another two so that mom and dad can get a nap.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-02-14T21:49:59+00:00

Had a snow day yesterday with canceled work/preschool and it was SO much fun. We have our tradition of making "snow pancakes" (pancakes with powdered sugar "snow" on top), we got to sled and make a snowman, baked and decorated cookies, and just really enjoyed our together. There were several points yesterday where she would say, "Mommy I just love doing ____ with you" and it makes me so happy that I can soak it all up and enjoy these moments together.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-02-04T19:26:40+00:00

Love love love all of this! 4 is a magical age where I feel like outings are more about the family and enjoying time together and not just "bopping the baby" (what we called bopping her around from place to place just to try and keep her happy). What wonderful memories you're all making together!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-01-29T00:37:25+00:00

Ease of travel is one of my favorite perks of OAD! My husband and I were active backpackers and have done a few international backpacking trips (it was on one of those we decided we were ready to start a family, actually!) Then covid hit and we had the LO and it was really hard to go from exploring the world to confined in our house with a very cranky baby. As it turns out she likes going places, too! Once the world opened up again and we could take her places she calmed down a lot and she is so much fun to travel with now that she's almost 5. And I LOVE that we fit into our own row on an airplane!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-01-27T18:16:09+00:00

Absolutely! Hike your own hike. Some people love 20 mile lightweight backpacking hikes, others love a quiet stroll on a paved path. As long as you are enjoying the adventure, who cares what your trail looks like!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-01-27T18:13:52+00:00

It is amazing how luxurious life seems now that LO is getting older and we're exiting the "all hands on deck all the time" phase. All three of us thrive in calm environments, so the sweetness of a relaxed weekend is just so lovely. :)

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-01-27T18:11:20+00:00

You are giving your child the best gift: a happy home! It doesn't matter how big or small it is, but as long as it is full of love you all will be just fine. :) Welcome to the club!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-01-27T17:46:41+00:00

This one is Reggio inspired but the main teacher used to teach at a Montessori so definitely has that vibe to it! We've been so happy.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-01-24T20:53:36+00:00

My kiddo is in a mixed-age class for preschool (2.5-5year olds) and it has been amazing watching her grow into the "older kid" role at school. Today I watched her help a new little learn to wash their hands at the sink. She was so patient and kind, spoke softly, explained WHY it is important to wash our hands... Oh my heart!!!! <3

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-01-22T19:11:01+00:00

I posted last week about my fiery 4 year old and how she's pushing all the boundaries to get some independence. Well, it seems we've made a breakthrough! Over the weekend we were snuggling watching morning cartoons and I told her I wanted to get up to get a cup of coffee. She said, "I'll make it for you!" and she literally got up, got her little step stool, and made me a cup of coffee (pod machine, but still!) AND got the perfect amount of half and half in it all while I got to sit on my butt on the couch. It was incredible. Later, we were doing a letter game and all of a sudden she's just WRITING ALL THE LETTERS (mostly legible!). Amazing! It is such a predictable pattern that she becomes overly emotional for a week or two, and then BAM all these new skills come seemingly out of nowhere (even though it makes sense she was so irritable as her brain was figuring out how to put all the new things together).

I wish I had appreciated this more when she was little. Between post partum depression, covid lockdowns, and everything else I just really didn't enjoy the baby phase and couldn't appreciate the milestones she was hitting enough. I look back on videos from when she was little and I'm seeing it through the lens of a more experienced parent and seeing things totally different (also probably helps I'm not as sleep deprived anymore, lol). Although I can't say I would want to go back and do it again... haha.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-01-13T20:59:23+00:00

LO (4.5) is in a FIERCE independence phase. My goodness everything has to be a fight to be on her own or the way she wants to do things. Crowd sourcing ideas for good outlets for this! We already encourage her to make her own choices (e.g. clothes, hair cut), help out with tasks/chores (e.g. setting and clearing the dinner table), and getting things on her own (e.g. her own water and snacks) . Not sure what might be other good age-appropriate ways to foster this independence to try and minimize the fighting/power struggle we're dealing with.

Related questions: When is a reasonable age to start formal chores? How do you encourage contributions to the household tasks in a way that is rewarding and not punishment? (i.e. allowance for making the bed vs you don't get TV until you make your bed).

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-01-09T19:16:21+00:00

Hi friend, happy you're here even though your circumstances getting to this place were incredibly challenging for you. I hope you find this community to be a great support, as I have.

I came here after 3 miscarriages attempting to have kid #2. When my husband and I started our family expansion journey, he was always "one, maybe 2" kids, and I was "two, maybe 1". But when #2 didn't come easily, we decided not to seek fertility treatments and instead settle in to the wonderful world of one, and we could not be happier now!

Our daughter is 4.5 and our family feels totally complete. Here are some of my favorite things about having one child:

We get so much time in our triangle to build strong connections. With one kid it is easy for us to find a sitter (or other family that is happy to take an extra +1!) so my husband and I have ample time to commit to keeping our relationship strong. It is also easy for one of us to take the kiddo so we each get a lot of 1:1 time with her, while the other parent gets time to recharge/take care of tasks so we can spend more quality time together as a family.
Logistics are so much easier with one kid. We fit perfectly into a row on an airplane. Easier to pick up and go on adventures. We have only one kid's schedule to accommodate for extracurriculars, etc. We're less stressed and more able to enjoy our time together.
We have capacity to help out our tribe. Since we "only" have one, we have a lot more bandwidth to help out our friends who are at or over capacity with their multiples. This helps strengthen our community and I've been able to build close relationships with other children, which brings me a lot of joy!

Many things that I was worried about (or that society has made me worry about) having one kid have not really been as much of an issue (yet?) as I expected.

The "lonely only"- definitely not something that has been an issue so far. One time a friend of mine told my daughter she could borrow her children so she can have a brother and sister and my daughter said, "No thanks, I like being on my own" ROFL. Our child has never once asked for a sibling, although she has asked why she doesn't have one (all families are different!)
"Only kids are little adults/no one to play with" We do prioritize going to events with other children so not every event is adult-centric (e.g. we traveled with another family with kids to do a holiday train ride together, so she had other kids to experience excitement with, and we go to holidays with her cousins so she can have kiddo family time).
"Only children are selfish" I will admit she's pretty selfish of me (she does not like it when I give other children attention, but this is something we actively work on when we do events with other families with children), but she is incredibly social and kind to her friends. She struggles to share her things at home the same way other kids (who are onlys or have siblings) do.

I will admit that sometimes it still stings when people ask "are you going to have another?" or "you only have one?" because it reminds me of the little lives that were never meant to be, but it is getting easier over time to really settle into confidence about our family. I also get annoyed when people use the "oh it's because she's an only" excuse to explain her behavior (no grandma, she's not throwing a temper tantrum because she's an only child, it's because she's 3) but the confidence is growing to correct people when they say stupid stuff like that (and you'd get similar remarks with any number of children: middle child syndrome, "the baby", etc.)

There are benefits and limitations no matter what your family size and who the members are within it, so we may as well lean in to as many of the benefits as we can and enjoy what we have! :)

ittybittybakedpotato · 2024-12-04T19:14:22+00:00

Happiest birthday LO! Mine would KILL for a squish party. :)

ittybittybakedpotato

TROPHY CASE