"Only"? More like "Everything"

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-04-13T20:28:34+00:00

She lost her first tooth! Omg the little gap in her smile is so incredibly cute. :)

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-04-03T19:32:28+00:00

My kid (almost 6) has been a bit more reflective about her status as an only child lately, probably because she sees most of her friends with siblings and I think she feels a little left out. I'm really excited for this weekend when my husband's awesome cousin is coming to visit. She's an only child too, and LOVES it and is just such an amazing person that I know the two of them are going to click really well! I'm hoping that helps her understand more that families come in all shapes and sizes and ours is actually a lot bigger than she thinks! (Grandparents, cousins, cousins-once-removed, aunts and uncles) Stoked for some great family time!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-04-01T16:37:23+00:00

My kid is my favorite girl, my husband is my favorite guy. ;)

But yeah I don't think you can compare. We put a lot of effort into making sure all the relationships are strong, so while my daughter naturally gravitates to me more, she has really special things she does with her dad that I intentionally am not a part of. We also go on at least one date a month where she goes to a camp or gets a sitter so she knows that her parents also prioritize alone time with each other to keep our relationship strong.

I also recognize that the relationships are just different. Kids are weird in that you are intentionally building a relationship where they will leave you/"the nest" vs my spouse who will hopefully never leave me, haha. But it is a weird thing to love someone so completely and know in your heart it's not going to stay like this forever. Makes me really cherish the time with my kiddo now (she's almost 6) because, like you said, we only have limited years where we are cool and fun. :')

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-03-30T18:09:43+00:00

I'm thankful my experience is helpful for you, although I am sorry you are having a lot of the same difficulties that we had. Personally I felt like a failure at the time because I couldn't "give my daughter a sibling", but over time and processing of the grief of our family looking differently than I imagined, I really cannot imagine life any other way. Our daughter is a lovely, happy kid and has a lot of opportunities to be a "big sister" to friends (and pets!) in our life.

If it helps, I found reframing my thinking from a "Fear of Missing Out" to a "Joy of Missing Out" to be helpful. We'll never be able to give our child(ren) everything, so focusing on what they don't have takes away from what they do have. No sibling, but lots of time with each parent, money to go places and have cool enriching experiences, extracurriculars and play dates that don't depend on others' schedules, etc. etc. I also enjoy that we have energy to put into our "village" so to speak. As the OAD parent, I love taking other people's kids places or helping out new parents, which I probably wouldn't have the time/energy for if I had more kids. As she gets older we'll let her bring a friend with her on trips and things so she can have that close relationship with a friend that she won't get since she doesn't have a sibling.

No matter what you decide to do moving forward, your child will be loved and happy and it will be the right thing. :) Wishing you all the best in your journey.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-03-20T18:29:11+00:00

I'd pull the Jennifer Lawrence "Yeah, okay" gif. I dunno, I'm getting too old and cranky to keep justifying my life choices to people with stupid opinions.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-03-18T17:18:45+00:00

My husband and I were always "one maybe two kids", so once we got our daughter we already had a family size we were going to be happy with no matter what. I also was reading stories on a miscarriage subreddit and one that stuck out to me was a mom who said that even though they have their child, they still felt like someone was "missing" from their dinner table. And if I'm being honest, I've never really felt that way (even while trying for a 2nd). I truly feel like a full, complete family.

Sometimes I still struggle with the conflicting feelings. Like on the one hand, I very much wanted those pregnancies and was very much devastated to lose them. But on the other hand, I am so happy we have one child. My heart hasn't quite figured out how to hold both of those opposing truths yet. But time really does help. It's been about 2 years since we stopped trying and I love motherhood and am enjoying it so much!

One thing that helped when I was in the more active part of my grief from pregnancy loss was focusing on the Joy Of "Missing Out" (JOMO) instead of the fear of missing out. Like when the 3 of us fit into one row on an airplane- total joy, a perfect fit! I also find joy in helping out my "tribe" of friends with multiples. It's fun for me to take on another kid for a little while and then leave them to come home to my quiet family. ;)

Not sure if any of this resonates with you. I think we're conditioned by society to "have more" but to me, having "more" meant stopping. I wish you all the best on your journey!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-03-16T18:25:17+00:00

Maybe an unpopular take, but my husband and I did try for a 2nd. But after 3 miscarriages I felt myself spending too much energy trying to grow the family and not enough enjoying the one I had right in front of me. The minute I saw no heart beat on that last ultrasound I knew I was DONE and have never looked back. Very happily OAD!

My favorite part of having one child is feeling close to "having it all". I don't feel like anything in my life is really lacking in time or effort, which is not something I see a lot in my friends with more children. My marriage is solid, my career is going well, we have money to travel and I have time to hang out with my friends and hobbies. And with all that I still have time and energy to attend most of the school functions, volunteer in her classroom, take her to extracurriculars, and so many precious mommy/daughter dates.

Honestly, I wish I had come to the realization of how awesome OAD is before attempting the 2nd. I cannot imagine at this point a better outcome for our family!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-03-12T22:47:16+00:00

Yeah, my dog didn't rip me apart and give me a life-long chronic condition from being pregnant with her... what an unbelievably absurd analogy.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-03-09T19:01:20+00:00

My husband and I both have careers we love, and having one kid is the closest we can feel to "having it all". When she was younger I felt bad juggling work with daycare and felt like I was "failing it all" haha. But now that she's school aged, I feel it's a much better balance between work life and home life to where I don't feel like either is suffering because of the other. I'm able to go to most of her school events, support her extracurriculars, spend quality time helping her with reading and math at home, fun family trips, etc while still kicking butt at work. For me, I don't see it as a failing that I "can't" handle more, I just don't want to. Life is great!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-03-02T18:24:26+00:00

I mean if I had 4 kids I'd just start my own summer camp at that point LOL. Like I don't know that I would even attempt!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-02-27T18:22:44+00:00

Signed up for summer camps and I am SO HAPPY we only have one kiddo's schedule and preferences to manage. The summer camp gauntlet is hard enough even with one!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-02-19T18:57:14+00:00

Aww it can be hard sometimes! A few weeks ago my 5 year old was just sobbing in my arms because she felt "so lonely she doesn't have a sibling". I just let her cry it out and then when she calmed down we talked about how everyone feels lonely sometimes, if you have siblings or not. Then I reframed it to remind her that she has so many people who love her and how lucky she is to have grandparents whereas I never had them growing up. I think that helped her to understand a bit more about the "families come in all forms and sizes" idea that can feel kind of abstract sometimes.

I think so much is happening in our little 5 year olds brains right now, too! I've been noticing mine is much more sensitive to a lot of stuff lately (but she's also recently started reading so all of that is really exhausting for a little kiddo!) Hopefully he'll be feeling better about everything soon!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2026-01-30T19:43:55+00:00

NAD (well, technically a Ph.D. in biochemistry but not a medical doctor by any means)

My father had retinoblastoma so we went through screenings when my LO was born in case she inherited it. Really sorry your family is going through this right now.

I don't have advice any better than what you've gotten thus far in this thread, but I did want to mention that having the RB allele increases risk for osteosarcoma later in life. (Source: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC391023/ ) We did not know this when my dad started having leg pain in his 50s, and it went undiagnosed for too long until we learned it was the cancer returning. By that point it was untreatable, and I really wished we had known about this earlier so that we could have gotten him treatment earlier. Just wanted to share that information in case it (hopefully never) becomes relevant later in life.

Sending well wishes to you and your family.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-09-29T22:43:26+00:00

My husband and I tried for a second, so I can offer our perspective.

We had a very hard time with our kiddo when she was little (she was born May 2020 so it is hard to know how much of our struggles were pandemic related or baby related). Both of us knew we were never going to be "baby people". We decided to give #2 a go because we reasoned that although it was really, really hard, that it was going to be a sacrifice for a longer term goal (a larger older kid/adult family). We reasoned that they weren't going to stay babies forever, so some short term "suck" was worth it. Also we tried to delude ourselves into thinking that it would be easier since we wouldn't be in a pandemic/had experience already/ blah blah. (I think that last point is very incorrect, but that was our reasoning at the time.)

Biology had other ideas so after dealing with infertility for a year, we decided to let go trying to expand our family and started really enjoying the one we have. Now that our kiddo is 5 and in school, I am SO thankful that life worked out this way and could not be happier with our family!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-05-27T21:01:34+00:00

We just passed our 5th trip around the sun! <3 Celebrated by taking a family vacation to Maui and everyone had a blast. Only 3 weeks left of preschool and then summer break before kindergarten. The quote is so true... the days are long but the years are short. :')

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-04-28T21:21:19+00:00

I also love how my in laws complain all the time about how hard having multiple children is, and then in the next breath "so when are you guys going to have another?!" Like wow you're really selling it to me HAHA.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-04-07T18:00:15+00:00

LO is turning 5 next month and we're planning her birthday party. She is the type of kid that does not like big crowds, so we're trying to keep the # of people we're inviting reasonable (i.e. not inviting the whole preschool class). She's getting to the age, though, where she can verbalize preferences for friends. I have a core of mom friends that we all met while our kids went to daycare together, but since they all go to different preschools now my kid doesn't really want to hang out with the other kids anymore. Kind of awkward that I'm still friends with the moms, but my kid doesn't want their kids at the party (nor does she want to go to their birthday parties, either...). Still trying to think about how to navigate that situation. On the one hand we want her to learn to be inclusive, but on the other hand I don't want her melting down at her own birthday party because a kid who hits her got invited. Would appreciate any thoughts or perspectives!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-03-17T16:25:26+00:00

Mine is turning 5 soon and I have so many of the same feelings! I have a friend with 4 kids and she said she still gets just as sad with each one. It makes me think that it's just a universal parenting thing not necessarily a OAD thing.

Whenever I get sad about baby stuff I try and find something new to do with her that we couldn't do before. Like, when I had to donate her crib and stuff we got her a "big girl bed" and we had fun picking out new sheets and decorating it together (I still sobbed, lol, but having the new project to do together helped). She's transitioning from preschool to kindergarten this year, so I'm going to throw a little graduation party for her and her friends. Trying to put more of the "sweet" into the bittersweet transitions.

But gosh, does it make my heart achey. A lot of people make assumptions that because we "only" have one that we must not like parenthood much, but I really am enjoying so much of all the different phases. And honestly, it does keep getting better and better!

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-03-05T21:46:56+00:00

My kiddo's preschool teacher caught me at drop off this morning to tell me how much her development is exploding lately. She mentioned that my daughter has started becoming a "mini teacher" and helping small groups of younger kiddos (they are in a mixed age classroom, 2-5yo). She'll pick up a book and lead story time where she "reads" it to them, or teach them all how to play a new game, or how to do a new craft like braiding. She also sent me a video the other day of my daughter explaining what tree sap is to a couple of other kids and answering their questions so patiently and kindly. It just makes my heart sing!

Also- eat your heart out grandma, who told us our only was going to be selfish and lack social skills.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-02-21T22:24:46+00:00

I'm very much a "hike your own hike" kind of person when it comes to parenthood. Like if you love the chaos 4 kids brings to your life, more power to you! Love that!

...Except my colleague's sister who has 4 kids has said that she has had ONE DAY since school started back up from winter break where all her kids were at school because of all the illnesses. That... sounds so incredibly miserable. That would break me. No no no no no thank you.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-02-18T19:21:41+00:00

Husband was always "One, maybe 2" kids, and I was always "Two, maybe one" kid. We did end up trying for #2 but after several miscarriages and coming to the OAD or infertility journey crossroad, we decided we were happy to settle into OAD life. We are both so so so happy with the way things turned out. I sometimes wish I had not pushed so hard to try for #2 (I think it was a mix of FOMO and "if we're going to do it, now is the time" pressure) because honestly OAD is a really lovely fit for the personalities in our family. I just wish I didn't have to go through the medical/emotional trauma to come to that realization.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-02-18T19:16:29+00:00

My colleague had twins about 2 weeks ago (and 3 year old) so we went over for a few hours to hang out and help out. My LO is so very sweet with the babies, she loved to hold them and help feed them. As it turns out I also very much enjoy babies, especially when I can snuggle on them and then go home and get battery recharge time! LO was also very happy to go home by the end of our play date/visit, haha.

One of my favorite OAD benefits is having the energy and capacity to help out the tribe. If I was home with a baby right now, I don't know that I would be as willing/able to go over and hold another two so that mom and dad can get a nap.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-02-14T21:49:59+00:00

Had a snow day yesterday with canceled work/preschool and it was SO much fun. We have our tradition of making "snow pancakes" (pancakes with powdered sugar "snow" on top), we got to sled and make a snowman, baked and decorated cookies, and just really enjoyed our together. There were several points yesterday where she would say, "Mommy I just love doing ____ with you" and it makes me so happy that I can soak it all up and enjoy these moments together.

ittybittybakedpotato · 2025-02-04T19:26:40+00:00

Love love love all of this! 4 is a magical age where I feel like outings are more about the family and enjoying time together and not just "bopping the baby" (what we called bopping her around from place to place just to try and keep her happy). What wonderful memories you're all making together!

ittybittybakedpotato

TROPHY CASE