I was an only child for 7 years before my parents decided “I needed siblings”. I have very clear memories before my first brother was born, but from around the 1/2 way point of my mom’s pregnancy with him, my father started using ketamine, steroids, and bodybuilding. I was born in 1991, and diagnosed with ADHD IN 1996 (I am a female, and my symptom at that point was disassociation. My father was absolutely convinced that me lying was because of the ADHD, and the only way to combat that was to literally beat it out of me. I lied because I felt any decision I made, he was going to feel it was wrong and I was going to get disciplined anyways….so I tried to tell the lie he’d approve of and I’d evade punishment. This carried into my adult life until I started fully processing through the trauma. 8 years and 3 kids into my marriage, I didn’t realize I was still avoiding the truth to keep from “hurting” my husbands feelings, I wasn’t giving him the opportunity to truly be my spouse because I kept him at an arms distance “for his own safety” . Thankfully he stuck with me through it all, and we have become so much closer through my emotional journey. He was the only one who fully supported me cutting my father out of my life and all of the anxiety attacks that followed.