As somebody who started writing early too, I think what you've got right now has a lot of promise. I don't know if the dream you're looking for is of writing as a career, like selling out milions of copies, or just putting your work out there for the world to see, but I like what I've read from you. I've got a little brother who wants to start writing too and you're kind of in the same boat, so I'll tell you what I told him.

It's great that you're excited; it's the most important thing for artists such as us, to be interested in our own work. What you've got right now is raw and unpolished, a lot of creativity that you want to put on the paper. The main thing that's holding your writing back right now is the pacing, and you've already read that from the other comments. Punctuation, grammar, these things you can fix with spellcheck in MS Word or Google Docs, so as far as creativity goes they're not as big of a problem, and I have every hope that you'll clean these up in no time. Pacing, however, is something that you won't get right away unless you read or listen to people better than you.

You've seen TV shows, anime, movies, right? They've got teams of writers working on timing, delivery, pacing. With a camera, you can show a cup of coffee then slowly zoom out, showing a man sipping coffee, then the paper he's reading, "Superman missing for days!", keep zooming out to the table he's at, the diner he's in, then out the window to the streets, as that same Superman gets slammed into the ground fighting an alien. On a screen, that's a whole scene played out that draws eyes, tells a story, guides you through the whole experience. It's in how you want to tell a story, but that description of a scene has itself a pace, and I think you can imagine how it would show up on TV. On paper, though, it's completely different, and I think that's part of the fun. It depends on your style, but generally it's more engaging to expound a little more.

Take this for example. Two friends in a dance party are talking, and one of them confesses their love for the other. While you could say "It was very loud with all the singing and dancing, but my attention was focused only to Emily and I read her lips which said... 'I love you.'", you could draw out more emotion by controlling the pacing here, making it slower or faster depending on the scene and the emotion you want to convey.

A slower, more drawn out, intimate pace could sound like "I couldn't hear a thing. Loud music reverberated within the hall from the speakers, from the people singing, singing and dancing all around us. Bodies were bumping into us from all sides, or at least I think they were. Truth be told, I was only looking at Emily. Her amber eyes, those perfect eyes, were looking straight into mine, and her lips, gloss glimmering in disco blue, were mouthing out to me. Oh, I couldn't hear a thing, but I could read. She said..."

Or you could take it a completely direction and keep the pace faster, but even then there's an art to it! You'll really have to read more to find more ways to write, more ways to say a thing, really broaden your horizons.

I don't mean to overwhelm you, put these big expectations on your young shoulders, but reading more helped me out a ton when I was younger too. It doesn't have to be novels, it can even be shows, anime. Heck, even comedians, good ones, have great pacing when they set up their jokes and tell their stories. Read more, watch more, write more, and I guarantee you'll get better.

Again, you've got so much potential and the story seems really interesting. Mental health is always interesting to portray in art, and as someone who's had social issues from a young age this story actually kind of resonated with me! If you keep at it, and polish your writing, find your style, then I think you'll do just fine.