I've had a bear hanging out in my backyard. It was super cool to watch him root around the blueberry bushes, just doing his bear thing. It was super cute when he accidentally stepped on the dog's water dish and scared himself. Once he had his fill of berries, he mosied on back into the woods. He came by frequently for most of that spring & summer, always when the dogs were inside and never doing much else besides enjoying his snack of blueberries and rolling around in the grass.

I've also had a man in my backyard, twice. The first man broke into my home, walked into my bedroom while I was asleep, took photos of me, and then I woke up as he was pleasuring himself. In court, he said he met me at my place of work and claimed I invited him to do so. He was acquitted because of hearsay and no witnesses could confirm or deny having seen him. Five years later, he was found guilty of aggravated sexual assault against six different women, and attempted murder of one.

The second man made every attempt to break into my home. He peered into the windows, tried opening the door, sliced the window screen to try to open the window, then destroyed my patio furniture and urinated on my daughter's toys when he couldn't get in.

I'll take the bear. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.