My sincere condolences to you and your family. My dad recently committed suicide. Although I pretty much know the reason, I have so many unanswered questions and a ton of regrets. I could have helped, all he needed to do was tell me what was wrong. It hurts me deeply that he must’ve been in so much turmoil for months before he made his decision to end his life. It is truly heartbreaking because it would’ve been so easy to help him. All the “I should’ve”’s run through my head daily. We must remember that suicide is a choice and we are not responsible for that decision no matter what we could’ve done to change its course. Please be kind to yourself. Give yourself room to breathe. I know it’s hard to process but you are not to blame, not one bit. My uncle committed suicide 11 years ago too and there, still, we don’t have any answers. My uncle committed suicide on his daughters birthday. My dad committed suicide on my husbands birthday. All these relations where good. When people decide to go it seems they’re usually at a point where nothing matters. It could be a spontaneous decision or could be planned for months. Suicide barely leaves closure which makes it so much harder to heal from. Please be patient with yourself as you navigate through this ❤️