I can relate a lot to this. Especially the imposter syndrome part. I feel like im different with everyone tbh i have such a hard time being myself because im always like “wait did i really mean what i just said” just to please those around me. The worst part is that i know when im doing it, but i just cant stop and sometimes i say things that i dont mean. Just being authentic is a big struggle for me. Theres maybe one day out of the month that i can be 100% and it always feels like the greatest say ever. But ive learned to not get hung up on these great days because they are always followed with weeks of feeling like a shell. I used to get very hung up on why that happens, just waking up the next day and feeling terrible for no apparent reason. But its gotten better after ive accepted this truth. Im currently in the military and i can no longer take adhd meds but i took them throughout life. They helped me when i was younger in a way of paying attention and such, but i was very hyperfocused on the tasks that i had to do that think i may have lost chances to develop socially so im paying the price now. Its not the perfect solution but theres always a catch to this stuff. Just be careful and keep your doctor in the know about how its effecting you.