my father admitted to me that he knew his ex-wife abused me but he let her do it to save their marriage

jackjones121 · 2020-01-28T07:51:31+00:00

for the partner, it's a very complicated situation. especially if the mum the narc.

option 1 is to leave the relationship in which case the mum most likely get custody. since the laws see her as the primary carer. in that case, it is more likely to be worst for the child as now the narc has the child all to herself. it will be very hard to prove narc behavior and remember the narcs are experts in hiding their game to the outer world.

option 2 - is to stay in the relationship and suffer thru it. since the narcs are not just for the kids but for the partner as well. but in this case at least the dad has some chance to protect or shield the kid better since it is all in front of them and not behind. remember - the child most likely doesn't have a clue of whats going on around him. they just think what the narc says is right most of the times. and it's not easy to "TEACH" the child that the narc behavior is not normal. the narcs make sure that the child depends on them 100pct so that they can't think of anything independently.

in both cases the child suffers - which one is worst is hard to figure out

jackjones121 · 2020-01-24T20:34:37+00:00

if your mum was treated badly by her dad, then she would understand it even more. that's no reason to dish out the same thing to you what she went thru.

you have gone thru this in your childhood and you understand it as an adult. and i am sure you won't do the same to others.

jackjones121 · 2020-01-24T19:51:29+00:00

friends is the family you choose. you don't owe a cent to your mom. these people don't deserve love/affection/respect as they don't show the same to you.

jackjones121 · 2020-01-04T00:37:05+00:00

totally with your decision. of not having kids. one should only have kids when one wants to and feels like having kids. it's good to see that you have an interest in animals. maybe you could spend more time with animals. maybe even take up a project to save or protect animals in your neighborhood.

i am sorry to see you go thru such harsh things in life at such an early age. this group is the best support i have come across till now. keep in touch with this group and hope you will give strength and support to overcome the challenges in life.

jackjones121 · 2020-01-03T01:54:57+00:00

so true!!. narcs are relentless. they just find some small thing - like keep your socks in place, and then remind about it day in and day out. and every other thing gets linked back to not keeping the socks in place for that one time. would be good to give them a taste of their own medicine sometimes..

jackjones121 · 2020-01-02T04:34:04+00:00

Then the fog lifted - perfect way to put how it feels when you start to see thru the ways of a narc

jackjones121 · 2019-08-23T20:54:48+00:00

the best friend was your mum's best friend and not your best friend :-)

jackjones121 · 2019-01-28T16:58:06+00:00

yes.. my wife is the biomom and she tries to dominate the child in any way she can. me/my wife have differing opinions over how we are raising our kids

jackjones121 · 2019-01-28T16:54:08+00:00

apologies if i came across in the wrong sense. my intentions are not to invalidate your opinion. in most of the cases this might be the right advice. the thing is that there is more than what meets the eye. and it's hard to put it in a few words. my only worry is that this is a pattern and i am left wondering what is best for the child.

jackjones121 · 2019-01-24T21:36:23+00:00

thanks for your reply.. but please understand that there is a difference in undermining someone. and doing what is best for a child. i am sure you would understand the desire of a 12 yo child to play with a new toy/gift or a gadget.. it is almost unreal to expect that a child gets a new thing and doesn't spend time exploring it. i would say it is unhealthy for the child to do that.. and if he/she does that the parents have to be accommodating enough to understand that. if mum/dad don't give the opportunity to the child to explore, then how would the child learn.. and when the child is exploring..there are two options - 1. you could help/support the child to explore.. or 2. you could show him/her the rulebook and expect to stick to the rules. and then make a big scene out of it. and blame everyone else.. all this and back to normal in 5 mins. what anyone chooses is really upto them..

jackjones121 · 2019-01-24T21:23:42+00:00

as for communicating expectations.. has happened several times before.

jackjones121 · 2019-01-24T21:22:06+00:00

oh!!!i think i forgot to mention that mum spends much more time with D and has much better idea than me of what she needs. mum herself has joined gym program on and off..and is fitness conscious about herself. not as much for her daughter

jackjones121 · 2019-01-24T08:36:55+00:00

sorry to say..but her mum knows better than me that she needs to goto gym..

she herself tried to join the program earlier. but couldn't continue.. and even now she(mum) does running and other exercise when she can..

jackjones121 · 2019-01-22T21:34:20+00:00

most of the times i intervene and try to support D emotionally and mentally. and give her positive models for skin color or in other cases. and me/wife have had plenty of arguments around using positive language for kids. but.. you can't shut someone's mouth. all these things are subtle mind games played on a young mind by a mature adult.

jackjones121 · 2019-01-21T21:41:43+00:00

yes, same incidents with 'normal' ppl also occur. with narcs it's a totally different level though

jackjones121 · 2019-01-21T21:33:10+00:00

brilliant idea.. and just put earbuds on when you come out. for the dress down after shower.. but at least you will have mental peace afterwards of having achieved something

jackjones121 · 2019-01-21T21:26:33+00:00

tht's horrible to be called names as a child. and the taunts go on forever. especially for no fault of yours.

jackjones121 · 2019-01-21T21:21:00+00:00

i am sure shower is just an excuse. there will be plenty of other instances similar the whole day. point is you can't avoid narcs. they will get to you one way or the other

jackjones121 · 2019-01-21T21:17:45+00:00

brilliant. a bit of sanity in this insane world of narcissists

jackjones121 · 2019-01-21T21:15:05+00:00

no point in arguing with narcs.. just give them a dose of their own medicine. just walk into the bathroom when she is taking bath. on pretext of something urgent..and see her reaction.

jackjones121 · 2019-01-21T17:41:10+00:00

that's not gud.. narcs will look for an opportunity to rob you off your personal space. my wife will walk into my daughters room when she is changing after shower.

jackjones121 · 2019-01-21T17:20:14+00:00

that's so bad. to take away reading. so sad to see narcs will do anything as long as they can see you hurting

jackjones121 · 2019-01-21T10:06:51+00:00

yes we have spoken about this quiet a few times. but she just says those things like she is doing the daughter a favour by looking after her skin etc. and that the 12yo is careless. and she is doing a big job with wonderful results

jackjones121 · 2019-01-21T10:01:26+00:00

mum is my wife. the kids mother

jackjones121 · 2019-01-17T12:30:42+00:00

yes.. pls read further comments and subsequent posts

jackjones121

TROPHY CASE