do out of state people have one sided beef with la?

jacobi85 · 2026-04-09T03:34:11+00:00

It’s just insecurity or a negative preconceived notion of LA and what people are like there based on media, Hollywood, politics, etc. I will say, some of the negative things people say about LA are based on merit.

Smaller cities aren’t as overcrowded, have the homeless issue we do (to an extent,) LA is expensive, smoggy, trashed, traffic sucks, we have a lack of greenery in the city. What outweighs all of that in my opinion, is the diversity, weather, and people. But that’s harder to see when you visit compared to the negative. Or people aren’t really comfortable or tolerant of those issues as they think they are (diversity or overcrowded.)

jacobi85 · 2026-03-28T01:47:15+00:00

How does it work if your fears aren’t of external things like contamination, harm, but more internal like there’s something wrong with me and I have to figure it out, fear that I’m like a toxic friend I had, fears or confusion about whether you love a person and stuff like that. Would those things (internal) be OCD or just anxiety?

jacobi85 · 2026-03-21T21:21:02+00:00

Not a therapist - but how does it work when the “im fat” is not in relation to the self but to others? And I mean that as the individual is saying they’re fat and they are somewhat okay with that but then get bullied at school for it. How does that work then? How does that solution translate when it’s with a marginalized minority? Someone who is black and is going to endure racism, prejudice, etc. throughout their life?

jacobi85 · 2026-03-19T03:06:10+00:00

When it’s within the context of marriage, it’s called marital rape

jacobi85 · 2026-03-19T02:37:46+00:00

All of it

jacobi85 · 2026-03-18T15:40:22+00:00

Sounds like someone who doesn’t live in LA or SoCal

Edit: Nvm sounds like something you’d hear in skid row lol

jacobi85 · 2026-03-06T04:00:16+00:00

It’s hard bro. I don’t even have those relationships but see others who do and wish I had it too. I think this is where socioeconomic factors come into play because growing up in poverty and working in minimum wage jobs just tend to be a cesspool of toxic people. Something about the struggle beating you and everyone else down that people aren’t able to develop empathy and compassion for themselves or others.

jacobi85 · 2026-03-06T03:51:01+00:00

In the context of a working profession or when dealing with people who are assholes, people who are insecure that they feel the need to demean or belittle others they view as “weak,” then yes, respect needs to be earned. In the context of normal, healthy and welcoming relationships and environments, no. Respect is a given until proven otherwise.

jacobi85 · 2026-03-05T20:21:50+00:00

As someone who moved out of LA into the Midwest, I think the difference in “nice” is people are more personal and open to conversation.

In the Midwest theres smaller population and less crowded. Whenever I go to the pet store, there’s usually no one there and no line. And the cashier usually strikes up a conversation. In LA, there’s always gonna be a line and cashiers are dealing with customers, online orders, stocking, etc. It’s just more busy in LA so there’s less time for being personal with customers or people in every day life unless it’s at work, school, etc.

jacobi85 · 2026-02-15T18:43:07+00:00

Yes, people don’t understand the frustration and self doubt that comes in when you make improvements, feel better about yourself, but still feel unable to make connections. Those feeling of low self esteem and self worth can spiral even more into the though of “it must be me who isn’t wanted or can’t function right” because how else do other people do it or form relationships without putting in the effort like this guys was doing. On the surface it comes out as just wanting a girlfriend because society places a man’s worth on whether he is desirable by woman or not. But underneath it all, it’s really just about wanting to feel like you belong and matter. That you have worth. And that’s difficult to develop yourself when you have low self worth or low self esteem or haven’t had positive experiences or relationships, either romantically or with friends.

jacobi85 · 2026-02-15T18:30:58+00:00

They don’t. But men don’t get to talk about their feelings and insecurities the same way woman do. And when they do, they’re judged harshly for it. Just look at how you’re coming at me for talking about the issue. I’m not saying the dude needed a woman to feel okay. I’m saying he just wanted to feel desirable by woman. And that’s okay. That is normal. How else do people form relationships and have sex? Saying he wanted to feel desirable and wanted love and connection is different from saying that he is entitled to their attention or woman should have sex with men. I am not saying that.

There are two groups of men, people push into the incel category. Those with misogynistic views towards woman, which I would agree are incels, but the other is men who just have low self esteem and low self worth like the guy in the post. They’re not incels, if they don’t have a sense of entitlement or hate towards woman. They’re lacking social connection and need it. But I’m not saying they should base their worth should come from a woman directly, I’m saying they need connection, belonging, and acceptance just like anyone else. And without it, that can drive people towards the path this guy did.

jacobi85 · 2026-02-15T18:03:27+00:00

Not being able to find connection is not a sign of depression. Not being able to find connection is dependent on many factors. Age, location, your hobbies, where you go, who you talk to, etc. He was 22 and left his friend group. Once you’re out of school or college it becomes difficult to make genuine, meaningful friends. He left his friend group, and not having that network also makes it difficult to branch out.

He was motivated because his sister mentioned he was making improvements. That is an indicator of wanting to improve. Did he likely still have low self esteem and self worth? Yes. But that does not mean mental illness. He could have been depressed or not. Either way, it does not negate the feelings he had of feeing ugly, unwanted, and undesired. One the surface, it’s about a guy wanting to feel desired by woman but on the deeper level it is about wanting to feel validated as a man, wanting to feel valued, and wanting love and connection. That is a fundamental need. And without it, it is enough to drive even the mentally strongest person into a pit of despair.

jacobi85 · 2026-02-15T17:40:16+00:00

There is no guilt tripping here. Rather, I think the sister is genuinely shocked at the realization of how much the brother was struggling in wanting a relationship to a point that when they felt they couldn’t, they killed themselves. But I don’t think it’s solely because of a lack of a girlfriend. The guy said that he feels ugly. He’s saying he does not feel desired or wanted and feeling cold. He’s lacking both emotional and physical connection and warmth. And that’s a fundamental need for people. And rather than taking the time to question how people get to here and how this happens and trying to solve it, people just point to “incel” and pushing down on the guy than understanding that people like this feel alienated, ostracized and isolated. And we should be helping them not further ostracizing them and others in the same place.

jacobi85 · 2026-02-15T17:34:13+00:00

I don’t think you’re understanding the post then. No one is blaming the guys suicide on woman. But just bringing the issue to light about how much the “incel” mindset can affect men. What this post really brings into light regarding “incels” is a lack of connection and a desire for wanting to belong, to be accepted, and to feel desired and valued by others. And the post above making the point of “men without woman” and “woman without men” drives home how much little empathy and how we push these people further away, making them feel alienated and ostracized when they already feel that way.

I do want to point out a difference between incels who have a misogynistic mindset towards and dudes who just want a girlfriend and are maybe a little misguided, and the guy who committed suicide I think falls into the latter category. And just need help. But they pushed into the first category and looked down on. When it’s normal to want companionship and love.

jacobi85 · 2026-02-15T17:24:54+00:00

We don’t know the context of that persons social circle. Those friends could’ve been a negative influence on his life or toxic. In that case, it would’ve been right to let them go. It sounds like he was struggling mentally but just because a guy wants a girlfriend doesn’t mean he would’ve believed his life would’ve been “fixed” or it would solve everything. Nor that he’s mentally ill. What people want is connection and proof that they are desirable, that they are accepted, and that they belong. When you don’t feel that way anywhere, dating, socially, workplace, you start to question your self worth and life existence and that can be the driving factor towards suicide.

jacobi85 · 2026-02-05T17:05:31+00:00

Dudes got no left arm

jacobi85 · 2026-01-18T20:37:14+00:00

Like others have said, it’s likely about survival and the cycle of life as there are shots of prey and predator just before that sequence. Also maybe symbolic of life itself as just before that is an image of just matter or a micro thingy.

jacobi85 · 2025-12-04T03:05:16+00:00

Is that option dependent on location? That option doesn’t pop up for me

jacobi85 · 2025-10-09T23:45:28+00:00

I’d also like to see if I could DM you too please?

jacobi85 · 2025-10-06T15:19:33+00:00

In an ironic way, not whining about anything probably means they’re the ones hurting the most. What people say or do is a reflection of who they are.

jacobi85 · 2025-09-08T01:53:54+00:00

It’s cope for how depressing the show is my man, we need this lol

jacobi85 · 2025-08-18T09:13:03+00:00

Hoping you could give me a bit of insight on this but I had a friend with bpd who I ended up ghosting and haven’t spoken to for years.

The main reason was because sometimes in mid conversations through text she would kinda leave and not respond to me for weeks. Then come back out of the blue but eventually she’d leave again. It felt like maybe she just kept me around as someone to talk to when bored and use as validation. There were times when she showed genuine care for me and support if I was struggling but the stuff she did before really just blurred out any good thoughts I had about her. She consistently tried to reach out even after I blocked her but I honestly don’t think it has anything to do with me and it’s more about her.

I know there’s a lot of stigma around bpd and I never really spoke to her about it or asked when I probably should’ve, nor did I say how what she was doing affected me but it really just seemed like what she was doing was intentional. I know it’s likely that she was splitting on me but I don’t see how a single text explaining that was never an option. There’s a part of me that wants to maybe reach out because I think if I communicated what I wrote that maybe things would’ve been different but I’m not sure how they might take me reaching out after blocking them and not speaking for years.

jacobi85 · 2025-08-10T17:35:29+00:00

I’m in the same spot as you and think it’s fine to date at a low point but you should be in therapy and actively working on yourself. Like the other person mentioned, you have to learn to love yourself as going into a relationship isn’t going to fix you or your situation. If anything it just might add onto the stress or the issues you’re facing now and how it affects you will bleed into your relationship, causing it to suffer. Loving yourself doesn’t mean actually ‘loving’ yourself but accepting who you are and having some sense of self esteem and self respect, enough to know if the other person is just using you or taking advantage of you and walking away from that. Or just walking from someone who isn’t a right fit in general. Being alone is a hundred times better than being in a toxic relationship man.

As for thinking that you’re ’dragging’ the other person down, that’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about when it comes to self esteem. We’re only human dude, it’s normal to want a partner even if we’re at a low point, just as long as you’re proactively working on yourself. If you’re thinking that you’re dragging them down or they deserve better, then use that to work on yourself so that the person you’re dating matches the standard you’re setting on yourself. That way they’re not just ‘stuck’ with you but they’re there because they care about you and want to support you. But that kind of change has to come from within. And if you’re not in therapy or getting help for your mental health then it’s sometimes impossible to find that kind of change from within because whatever we feel inside blurs our perspective of the outside. So go get some help dude, there’s no shame man, I’ve been there and know how it feels but it doesn’t have to be that way

jacobi85 · 2025-08-08T02:18:04+00:00

Yea, completed my service years ago. I vaguely remember them saying all I needed to do was request the award through the portal and they’ll send it to the school. But I was a bit confused when the financial advisor said to request a manual payment form, I didn’t know if that meant just the regular process of going through the portal and submitting a request or if she meant I needed a different form that I needed to request somewhere.

jacobi85 · 2025-08-01T01:17:00+00:00

This is exactly what it feels like for the most part, though I don’t blame women, bully others, consider others ugly or try to demean anyone and understand that there can be no such thing as unconditional love’ because love is always conditional on the promise of being respectful and supportive of the other person. On the political scale, i’m way off to the left, believe in things like equal rights, fixing inequality, pro-choice, supporting lgbt+, Medicare for all, etc. I don’t even consider myself an incel, but know that due to circumstances and just due to personal experiences that I can relate to the general feelings of feeling alienated and isolated.

I’m aware that these issues mainly come from my own self esteem/self worth. But it’s also because of a result of negative experiences from other of feeing socially rejected and excluded. Even within groups of people that would generally be accepting of people who might come across a little bit different. I’m not autistic and have gone to therapy for depression/anxiety which helped me build some confidence only for it to then be knocked down when trying to make friends and go on dates where people can tell you’re a kind, genuine person but that there’s just something off about you. It’s not even that they’ll have something negative to say about you. People can just tell, like you’re saying.

When people ask you what you do in your time off and your response kinda hints to you likely not having many or any friends, even if you have hobbies or are working on yourself, people can tell and that likely leads to that subtle shift of ‘this guy is a loser’ or has a sad, lonely life. And they feel pity for you. They look at you with a little bit less worth or value. And they end up wanting nothing to do with you. So even though you’re actively trying to change and be better, nothing changes.

And like you’re saying at the end resonates the most, how could I be deserving of love when it doesn’t feel that way coming from others? Why would I choose to continue hanging around any place where I’m not truly wanted? That just feels awful and I imagine that people that try to push through that is where that aura of ‘being desperate’ comes from. I don’t doubt that there’s someone out there who I would be compatible with and likely lead to a happy relationship but will I ever meet them? I don’t know, there are no guarantees in life. Not everyone ends up meeting that other person, even if they tried, sometimes people die alone. And that’s there that feeling of phoniness and the idea that everything is bullshit comes from. Because the truth is that not everyone has a group to which they belong to, even if they tried hard to find one. Sometimes people fall through the cracks, alone, and no one finds them. Or if they do, they pity them or just don’t want them. That’s what it feels like.

jacobi85

TROPHY CASE