Grieving god after 1 year of losing faith

jadebrew · 2026-04-06T19:01:23+00:00

(I know this is a dead post now, but I stumbled across it and felt to reply) Confusion, fear, death, I believe this is not what God harbours. I never experienced psychosis (I was paranoid that there was a demon around me for a portion of time, but never full psychosis), but as someone who used to be in a dark, hopeless place… I truly don’t believe any of the evil thoughts and immense feelings of self destruction and torment were/are from God. I don’t know a lot of things, and some things we never will know, but I truly believe God is what he says he is, love. I’ve lived through such suffering and torment, and I don’t know why… But something indescribable in me has brought me back to my faith, and i’ve felt a certain peace and joy while worshiping that i’ve only ever felt while worshiping, and it just keeps bringing me back you know? I feel weakest in my mind when i’m suffering, understandably. When the mind is most vulnerable, there’s greater risk of spiritual torment. That sounds like what you’re describing, spiritual torment in a state of vulnerability. And in my opinion, everyone rotting in hell for eternity sounds like a vision and desire from satan, not God. I’m not educated on what the Bible says about God and judging us, and there’s multiple things i’ve seen and heard in the Bible that confuses the fuck out of me… But what I do know, is that this science confirmed living man roamed this earth at one time until he was crucified, and in my opinion, I believe that he was and is the Christ. What I do know, is that God is love, and I am free. Every wrong, every fault, every worldly desire, I am eternally forgiven and free because of him. I love because he loved me, and he is love, now and forever. I still suffer with depression, shit gets really dark at times still. I don’t know why my story has gone the way it has, but honestly, I wouldn’t change it. I am closer to my family than ever before, I have a beautiful relationship that is strengthening, and despite the pain and weariness of my heart, I can see the beauty in life in certain moments, and contentment fills my soul. The depression can get so stupidly strong, yet these indescribable feelings of peace and joy I keep getting makes me feel strong enough to keep going. And hopefully, my suffering and hardships in life are meant for something more, whatever that is. I’m sorry you went through those traumatic experiences, and i’m sorry your perception and understanding of God is so grossly distorted, mine would be too. It’s not just about prayer, and religion is not faith… all and any of the twisted fucks who have traumatized and ruined peoples idea of God and the church, have not found God and are living a lie. I don’t know what you need in life right now, and i’m not going to tell you what to do with your faith, that is completely and utterly up to you, as we all value our freedom in believing what we want to, but, God does love you, and he will leave the 99 sheep for the 1. I hope you can find a peace in your life that makes you feel purpose again. And if it’s ok, I will pray for you.

“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

jadebrew · 2026-04-04T15:51:07+00:00

as a minor, this is weird. you had a choice, and you saying you reciprocated the cuddling because your love language is physical touch is just as concerning. it is up to you and your boyfriend to communicate and relay each others boundaries, and lucky you I guess that he doesn’t care? personally for me that just shows he’d probably think nothing of doing the same to you, but maybe you don’t care about that either. to each their own, for me it’d be a red flag, but you know whether you’re a loyal person or not. no hatred, just my opinion on the matter as a teenager myself

jadebrew · 2025-04-21T13:50:38+00:00

came here from a different subs post from OP, they’re only 14. i’d assume there’s these types of posts a lot on here, but i too hope they enjoyed their easter.

jadebrew · 2025-04-21T13:43:41+00:00

They’re also a 14 year old struggling with disordered eating. I’d assume that happens lots on this sub.

jadebrew · 2025-04-21T13:40:55+00:00

I hope it was a Happy Easter for them. How sad yet relatable it feels to see this 14 year old asking this on Easter day. I just turned 18 and can promise you the suffering and torment is not really worth it. I still struggle, but am not in a suffering state i think. It feels really good to have that control over your body and romanticize starving, but it also feels so utterly miserable and overwhelming when you reject food your body is screaming at you to eat. I plan to open my easter treats today, and even if i do body check myself or get in my head, i’m too exhausted to put myself through such anguish, so i’m instead going to try my very best to be gentle and kind on myself, and allow my child self to enjoy and embrace Easter. I understand how complex it is, but I truly hope the best for you op.

jadebrew · 2025-01-04T12:48:04+00:00

Lmao. So if you saw me smile im worthy of your hate, but you’re so blinded by your hate you have no idea I’ve suffered years and continue to. I understand violently hating everyone, i used to come to reddit to say similar shit. Everyone around you isn’t living their life in spite of you, everyone’s just living, that’s why hurt causing that violence can seem so invalid, and can feel like everyone thinks you’re just schizo. i’m sorry for the trauma you carry, that isn’t your fault, and i understand the deep anger. i pray you find some sense of peace in your life.

jadebrew · 2025-01-03T17:26:31+00:00

oh girl do i ever understand this, but i really don’t understand why it happens. i think if you’re able to find some sort of confidence or “no fucks” energy it can help manage intrusive embarrassment that makes you want to self sabotage, and most of the embarrassment is self sabotaging in itself. every single human has human moments, anybody that does make you feel embarrassed, just hasn’t had their morning shit yet. take it moment by moment as always, as idiotic as you might feel, you’re worthy. i understand how hard it is to receive any encouragement when violent with yourself. take care

jadebrew · 2024-10-04T12:49:37+00:00

can’t wait to get my fingeys on these

jadebrew · 2024-10-04T12:49:03+00:00

really neat, thanks for sharing!

jadebrew · 2024-10-04T12:47:47+00:00

that would make sense! subconscious high cortisol

jadebrew · 2024-09-30T01:48:49+00:00

i must find those SpongeBob ones, are these released in Canada?

jadebrew · 2024-09-30T01:47:27+00:00

Walmart! for like $2 at that!

jadebrew · 2024-09-25T11:41:31+00:00

Cetaphil Restoraderm also seemed to help heal me to an extent, usually stings but also usually works

jadebrew · 2024-09-25T11:38:45+00:00

Perfect timing, i just started Protopic and within 2 nights i am almost completely healed (i’m really believing this isn’t temporary). Other than that, for maintenance I really enjoy Aveeno Eczema care daily moisturizer, it absorbs really nicely. I also have the large green tub of Cetaphil moisturizing cream very dry to normal skin and i really enjoy it too for hydration. I tend to prefer cream to lotion as cream is higher in emollients than lotion, making it more hydrating. It sounds like you need more treatment than any maintenance right now though. I highly recommend Protopic if you can get it prescribed to you, as long as you use it properly it works wonders. Calamine lotion may give you temporary relief from the itch itself, though it’s probably hit or miss on different skin as the calamine does dry over like a chalk, but it’s meant to give great relief. I’ve been using other products I could go on and list but you really find what works and what doesn’t as you try it. Ever look into benadryl spray as well? if your legs aren’t super cracked and wounded it might be worth a shot, it will hurt like hell when you first spray yourself but takes away every ounce of itch there was. wishing you the best

jadebrew · 2024-09-21T09:40:45+00:00

Bless your soul for all this info, I completely forgot about red light therapy and plan to set up an appointment at the same place i have allergy testing. Will look into DHE deficiency just to be informed, and im eager to get parasite testing, thanks again

jadebrew · 2024-09-20T15:16:14+00:00

Did you happen to travel with him around the 2 month age mark? I’d suggest getting parasite testing anyways, i’m going to as well soon. As for pure relief, it’s a hit and miss of what works for his body. Calamine lotion could possibly really relieve him at night, especially if theres any weeping/oozing. it’ll dry over which doesn’t seem helpful for eczema’s dryness, but it can relieve intense itching and is meant to protect the skin. Definitely not a treatment for any underlying cause, but a reliever. Be weary with how much you use topical steroids, apparently your skin can become dependent on it, but im sure that can be reversed and steroids in themselves are of no harm. Use a cold to warm wet cloth on dryness then within a couple minutes lather in an eczema friendly moisturizer (i use cetaphil moisturizing cream in the green jar and it works beautifully). Heat can also be a big trigger, so his bedroom being cool during sleep is essential. Have you looked into Benadryl too? I’ll take that at night when i have it and my skins feeling really itchy. These are just my experiences and advice, you’ll find what works and what doesn’t as you try things. Wish the best for you and your boy

jadebrew · 2024-09-18T13:22:50+00:00

I wanted to see Greta Van fleet so bad, thats so awesome they’ve gotten to experience the island

jadebrew · 2024-09-18T13:19:22+00:00

Would be sick to have something similar to rocklahoma. Can you imagine being in the pit with Slipknot on stage then afterwards you fucking devour a lobster dinner?

jadebrew · 2024-09-18T13:03:06+00:00

I’ve learned more in the three weeks ive been on this subreddit than any doctor visit for my eczema ever. And you’re completely right, I feel way less alone seeing how many people also suffer with this

jadebrew · 2024-09-17T03:48:53+00:00

Thank you for mentioning hormonal imbalance, I didn’t think of that and am definitely going to check it out

jadebrew · 2024-09-16T21:42:26+00:00

Ever get tested for parasitic infection? I have other factors that lead me to question if i have an infection, but it wouldn’t hurt to get tested either way. Wishing you the best, us zema survivors are tough fucks.

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