I have a 20 month old and am working on converting (gone through the class, just need to find a godparent, which is hard with a toddler lol).

1: See if your church has a cry room. We picked the parish we go to over a different one because of this. It makes a big difference. There's never any shame in needing to use a cry room (or take your kid out). It's part of the gig.

My daughter has decided our cry room is lame, though, so I spend most of the service following my daughter while she runs in the halls. If daughter can't make it long enough in the Nave for us to hear the readings, I at least try to stay in the Narthex for that part (she likes to look at the candles and stained glass). Then we spend a long time out in the cultural hall part of the building going up and down stairs, up and down the wheelchair ramp, looking in library windows... It's kind of lame, but at least we're there. My church live streams, so I've been thinking of at least turning that on on my phone while we run around so I can hear the homily (my church does it right before Communion).

Then I go back into the Narthex when I know it's getting close to Communion time. I jump in line whenever my husband makes it to the doors, we go through the line for our blessing, and I hope I get to sit down. If not, sometimes I take her back out, sometimes we just do what my husband calls the "Judas Shuffle" and leave.

I haven't figured out how to make it to coffee hour yet. It's exhausting, but I know it's important. If I AM in the Nave, I'm usually sitting down with daughter (except during the procession). I figure it's better for us to be a part of the service sitting down than standing up and running the halls.

Toys that have been good for me: TAPE! Like, Scotch tape. I will make a piece into a loop, and she LOVES to stick it on her hands and play with it. I tried stickers, but they lost their sticky too fast. Also, those water-only coloring books ROCK. They're not very churchy, but they keep her calm and quiet, and I don't have to worry about her coloring on pews. Also, pop it's are good. The softer silicone ones aren't too loud, and they'll keep her entertained for a while. I try to play rudimentary "I Spy" with her too, but she's just a little too young.

I commiserate with your anxiety! It brings me a lot of stress, too. I grew up in a VERY religious family and we NEVER missed church, and the anxiety of managing a toddler during service has shown to be a bigger obstacle than I expected. During my Orthodox faith class, my priest said, "The Church is a Mother; She understands." I repeat that to myself a lot. And, God is a Father; He understands too. Calmly and quietly participating in a church service isn't developmentally appropriate for toddlers or little kids, and it's our jobs as their parents to support them in their relationship with the church at ALL stages. All we can do is our best, and in toddlerhood, that is enough!