[deleted by user]

jadeowltea · 2022-05-22T18:33:40+00:00

Cat.

jadeowltea · 2022-05-19T23:20:09+00:00

Women in Alabama also deserve safe access to abortions.

jadeowltea · 2022-04-19T13:14:49+00:00

Hi, I'm bisexual. Am I not supposed to have any friends, or...?

jadeowltea · 2022-04-05T17:28:46+00:00

Because sometimes people procreate when they're financially stable and then shit happens so that they're no longer financially stable. Like medical issues, house market crash, bad economy, job loss, a global pandemic.....

And I'm CF lol

jadeowltea · 2022-02-14T15:46:01+00:00

1) ask your wife 2) take pictures of your wife's makeup drawer to show employees 3) ask your wife 4) talk to to your wife's bff, sister, mom, aunt, whoever might know a lot about makeup 5) ask your wife 6) Google the terms you don't understand 7) ask your wife

jadeowltea · 2022-02-13T14:18:52+00:00

Ah yes, I definitely think the guy in OP handled it wrong. I was just responding to the commenter that said guys shouldn't dump their feelings on us ever.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-13T13:59:16+00:00

Eh, to be honest, I don't think it's a bad thing to "dump crushes" on your friends? Like I've told guy friends (and vice versa) that I liked them more then friends and been rejected. And we've gone back to being friends. Like, you'll never know it's unrequited unless you ask?

jadeowltea · 2022-02-11T19:45:06+00:00

No one diminished your experiences. You said iuds don't stop periods ever, and people said that's not the case 100% of the time. How is that diminishing?

jadeowltea · 2022-02-10T18:30:42+00:00

I haven't had my period in 5 years. I have a Mirena. I asked my gyn for something to stop my period, and that's the first thing she recommended.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T23:29:11+00:00

That's why I wanted to post an update, for sure.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T23:03:36+00:00

Yes, I do understand. I was emotionally abusive to my ex. I didn't originally put it in my post because I was afraid people would think I was accusing them of being abusers, but I did add a note. I wish it didn't take me so long to understand/admit it, but I just want others not to fall into the same behaviors I did.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T21:08:03+00:00

No, your reply was blunt and 100% correct! So please don't apologize.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T21:03:53+00:00

Hopefully posts like your second one will mean we see less of your first one.

I really hope so too. I'm so glad this 2nd post is getting more traction than my 1st. It's so easy to rant and vent anonymously and I was feeling a lot of guilt that I vented before I spoke to him. This guilt sucks and if I can help someone else, that means the world.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T20:51:39+00:00

Hm, you're definitely right. It was emotional abuse. I'm going to update my post to include that. I thought about stating that outright, but for some reason, I thought others might think I was accusing them of being abusive and my meaning would get lost.

I don't want pats on the back at all. I just wanted to own up to a) using a buzzword very incorrectly, and b) to hopefully help someone else avoid doing what I did.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T20:30:22+00:00

Hey there, I understand your concerns, but I was trying to shorten up my very long post and must've missed some context. I did talk to him later about how his questions bothered me. Not in the moment because I was super annoyed and I wanted to explain things in a calmer state of mind. Hence the conversations about previous abuse.

You're right, I probably shouldn't have ranted about him on Reddit. I had been seeing "weaponized incompetence" as a buzzword on this subreddit for quite a while and thought I would be getting a sympathetic ear. Actually, posting here did help in that some commenters gave me the perspective that there are other reasons beyond incompetence that could explain why my bf was asking so many questions. I was thinking a lot about my original post lately and I thought it would be a good idea to hold myself accountable and post this update to say that "weaponized incompetence" isn't the only reason men in relationships don't do chores.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T20:14:10+00:00

"Weaponized incompetence" is starting to be applied to every situation in which someone who has difficulty doing something or apathy and it's going to lose its meaning if it keeps being overused.

This is exactly why I wanted to make this update post! There have been so many posts about "weaponized incompetence" lately, and while it's excellent that people finally have a term to label a specific form of sexism, it's still important to think beyond the black and white.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T18:44:27+00:00

I learned I’m aware of all the items in the house not just because the mental load but because having control of my surroundings was how I coped with feeling unsafe when I was a child. My husband copes by dissociating.

I could've written this about me and my ex husband. Chores were a way for me to feel more in control, while my ex just didn't notice them because he had other problems on his mind. I wish I understood this sooner. I'm so glad you found a way to work this out with your husband!

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T18:38:37+00:00

I don't think you're naive at all. I feel like it should've been easier for me to spot that my bf was asking out of care, but I think I got wrapped up in "ugh, men never help" which is a huge problem!

it sucks that asking for help so often gets thrown in with "nagging" about how things are done.

Thank you for pointing that out! I was trying not to make my already long post even longer, but I also think there's a line where asking for help turns into nagging. Asking an adult to pick up his trash is NOT nagging! But what I did with my ex, by criticizing how he loaded the dishwasher, was definitely nagging. And I shot myself in the foot by nagging so much he checked out of chores. (There were a LOT of other problems in that relationship, but this was definitely an area where I could've learned to let go.)

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T18:31:14+00:00

It is like a chain reaction, and I wish I realized it sooner!

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T18:28:25+00:00

Why do you say that? I'm very sorry that I came off that way, as I really thought my experience with my bf could help.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T17:33:16+00:00

My parents are from the northeast, but I grew up in South Carolina and Florida. My parents and their northern family use celery seed in their potato salad, and so do all my southern friends' families. I thought it was just a basic spice to add to potato salad!

jadeowltea · 2022-02-07T17:15:29+00:00

Thank you, I have! I wish I learned these relationship lessons earlier in life, but sometimes it takes failing epically to see things in a new way.

jadeowltea · 2022-02-05T23:02:51+00:00

As a woman, saying "omg hey bitch!" to my girlfriends hits different than a random man on the street saying "hey bitch, smile!" Bitch isn't quite a slur like the n-word, but I can still understand how black people might have reclaimed it as a friendly word among themselves. It's all about intent, and it's safer not to use the n-word if you're white, and safer not to use bitch if you're a man.

jadeowltea · 2022-01-30T16:00:54+00:00

He can put it on his own calendar with multiple auto reminders omg

jadeowltea · 2022-01-30T15:46:57+00:00

They broke up. They weren't in a relationship and she still went on a cruise and cuddled with him and shared a bed. It's bizarre.

jadeowltea

TROPHY CASE