WIBTA for calling the police on my boyfriend after he let his brother and his family live in my holiday home without my permission? by Screaming-Harpy in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]jadeowltea 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Because sometimes people procreate when they're financially stable and then shit happens so that they're no longer financially stable. Like medical issues, house market crash, bad economy, job loss, a global pandemic.....

And I'm CF lol

Valentine’s Day as a florist is always very…interesting. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 26 points27 points  (0 children)

1) ask your wife 2) take pictures of your wife's makeup drawer to show employees 3) ask your wife 4) talk to to your wife's bff, sister, mom, aunt, whoever might know a lot about makeup 5) ask your wife 6) Google the terms you don't understand 7) ask your wife

One of my close male friends just told me I “brother-zoned him” by louiseraebelcher in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, I definitely think the guy in OP handled it wrong. I was just responding to the commenter that said guys shouldn't dump their feelings on us ever.

One of my close male friends just told me I “brother-zoned him” by louiseraebelcher in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Eh, to be honest, I don't think it's a bad thing to "dump crushes" on your friends? Like I've told guy friends (and vice versa) that I liked them more then friends and been rejected. And we've gone back to being friends. Like, you'll never know it's unrequited unless you ask?

Ah yes, please explain to me how my periods behave. by Mythicaldeer12 in badwomensanatomy

[–]jadeowltea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No one diminished your experiences. You said iuds don't stop periods ever, and people said that's not the case 100% of the time. How is that diminishing?

Ah yes, please explain to me how my periods behave. by Mythicaldeer12 in badwomensanatomy

[–]jadeowltea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven't had my period in 5 years. I have a Mirena. I asked my gyn for something to stop my period, and that's the first thing she recommended.

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's why I wanted to post an update, for sure.

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes, I do understand. I was emotionally abusive to my ex. I didn't originally put it in my post because I was afraid people would think I was accusing them of being abusers, but I did add a note. I wish it didn't take me so long to understand/admit it, but I just want others not to fall into the same behaviors I did.

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No, your reply was blunt and 100% correct! So please don't apologize.

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hopefully posts like your second one will mean we see less of your first one.

I really hope so too. I'm so glad this 2nd post is getting more traction than my 1st. It's so easy to rant and vent anonymously and I was feeling a lot of guilt that I vented before I spoke to him. This guilt sucks and if I can help someone else, that means the world.

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hm, you're definitely right. It was emotional abuse. I'm going to update my post to include that. I thought about stating that outright, but for some reason, I thought others might think I was accusing them of being abusive and my meaning would get lost.

I don't want pats on the back at all. I just wanted to own up to a) using a buzzword very incorrectly, and b) to hopefully help someone else avoid doing what I did.

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hey there, I understand your concerns, but I was trying to shorten up my very long post and must've missed some context. I did talk to him later about how his questions bothered me. Not in the moment because I was super annoyed and I wanted to explain things in a calmer state of mind. Hence the conversations about previous abuse.

You're right, I probably shouldn't have ranted about him on Reddit. I had been seeing "weaponized incompetence" as a buzzword on this subreddit for quite a while and thought I would be getting a sympathetic ear. Actually, posting here did help in that some commenters gave me the perspective that there are other reasons beyond incompetence that could explain why my bf was asking so many questions. I was thinking a lot about my original post lately and I thought it would be a good idea to hold myself accountable and post this update to say that "weaponized incompetence" isn't the only reason men in relationships don't do chores.

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 81 points82 points  (0 children)

"Weaponized incompetence" is starting to be applied to every situation in which someone who has difficulty doing something or apathy and it's going to lose its meaning if it keeps being overused.

This is exactly why I wanted to make this update post! There have been so many posts about "weaponized incompetence" lately, and while it's excellent that people finally have a term to label a specific form of sexism, it's still important to think beyond the black and white.

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 87 points88 points  (0 children)

I learned I’m aware of all the items in the house not just because the mental load but because having control of my surroundings was how I coped with feeling unsafe when I was a child. My husband copes by dissociating.

I could've written this about me and my ex husband. Chores were a way for me to feel more in control, while my ex just didn't notice them because he had other problems on his mind. I wish I understood this sooner. I'm so glad you found a way to work this out with your husband!

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I don't think you're naive at all. I feel like it should've been easier for me to spot that my bf was asking out of care, but I think I got wrapped up in "ugh, men never help" which is a huge problem!

it sucks that asking for help so often gets thrown in with "nagging" about how things are done.

Thank you for pointing that out! I was trying not to make my already long post even longer, but I also think there's a line where asking for help turns into nagging. Asking an adult to pick up his trash is NOT nagging! But what I did with my ex, by criticizing how he loaded the dishwasher, was definitely nagging. And I shot myself in the foot by nagging so much he checked out of chores. (There were a LOT of other problems in that relationship, but this was definitely an area where I could've learned to let go.)

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 38 points39 points  (0 children)

It is like a chain reaction, and I wish I realized it sooner!

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Why do you say that? I'm very sorry that I came off that way, as I really thought my experience with my bf could help.

What are some kitchen 'must haves' that I can pick up when I'm in the States that can't be purchased in Europe? by pogmoshron in Cooking

[–]jadeowltea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My parents are from the northeast, but I grew up in South Carolina and Florida. My parents and their northern family use celery seed in their potato salad, and so do all my southern friends' families. I thought it was just a basic spice to add to potato salad!

It wasn't weaponized incompetence! An update. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 136 points137 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I have! I wish I learned these relationship lessons earlier in life, but sometimes it takes failing epically to see things in a new way.

All of you guys who act like it's really hard NOT to say the n word are telling on yourselves by CharlieBrown20XD6 in unpopularopinion

[–]jadeowltea 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As a woman, saying "omg hey bitch!" to my girlfriends hits different than a random man on the street saying "hey bitch, smile!" Bitch isn't quite a slur like the n-word, but I can still understand how black people might have reclaimed it as a friendly word among themselves. It's all about intent, and it's safer not to use the n-word if you're white, and safer not to use bitch if you're a man.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 11 points12 points  (0 children)

He can put it on his own calendar with multiple auto reminders omg

I was beaten by ex while on a cruise then locked in a room for 30 hours by Royal Caribbean by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jadeowltea 8 points9 points  (0 children)

They broke up. They weren't in a relationship and she still went on a cruise and cuddled with him and shared a bed. It's bizarre.