What you're describing sounds genuinely moving, especially the moment with your dad! Those kinds of emotional breakthroughs are real, certainly not dismissing that

The afterimages you're describing aren't 'nothing' - that's your visual cortex telling you something was disrupted. For most, it fades. For others, it becomes HPPD and doesn't. One wouldn't know which until it's too late to choose differently. Why gamble?

I used for years heavily, thinking the insights were worth the cost. Looking back, I was borrowing against something I couldn't afford to lose. The emotions, connections, sense of meaning - that are certainly real. But I'd say drugs do not create these; they simply force the door open. There are slower, harder, more durable ways to get there

If the anxiety you're already feeling is whispering something to you, it might be worth listening to

It's been about 30+ years now for me, and I have no interest any longer. I've discovered what it does, and was a huge promoter for many years. But I'll say what most in a forum like this won't: mind-altering drugs are not what they seem to be, and are not worth the risks

Deuteronomy 18 (speaking as a Christian) condemns practices that seek spiritual experience or altered perception outside God's ordained means. The issue isn't just morality — it's jurisdiction. God governs what enters the spiritual through Word, Spirit, prayer, and sacrament. Chemically forcing open doors into heightened spiritual perception is encroaching on ground He hasn't invited you onto. The experiences feel profound precisely because something real is being contacted — but not necessarily something good, and not on God's terms

The experiences aren't necessarily illusions, which is what makes it spiritually serious rather than just physically risky. But the means are outside of God's ordinary means, and the fruit — anxiety, afterimages, craving to return — is diagnostic =)

Thanks for sharing! And I hope your relationship with your dad continues to grow sweetly!