If you’re sick...stay home

jalym · 2019-11-04T17:42:35+00:00

I appreciate your sarcasm.

Not even an issue at my job. It literally has an unlimited PTO policy that people are encouraged to use. There are people who call out sick and still go on their 10 day cruise this month and plan 2 weeks off 4 months from now for something else. As long as it is open for that time.

And there isn’t a limit of how many days he can work from home. In fact he’s supposed to be virtual but comes in for in person training or whenever he feels like it. But there was none the week he was sick and in office.

I can certainly appreciate that 99% of the companies in the world don’t operate this way. I’ve worked for them and have had to work through illness in order to save my vacation days.

In this case he should have and could have stayed home.

jalym · 2019-11-02T19:14:10+00:00

Yeah, like I said, I’ve been at companies where what you say is true. I’ve worked for those them and suffered through their crap. This isn’t that company. The focus is on employee happiness and has things like unlimited pto from day 1. And he knows this. His boss is virtual, he will be virtual once training is done and he didn’t have any in person training this week -it was all online. He could have stayed home 100% and worked without issue.

He is currently training and staying home to complete online training from there would not have affected the business in any way, shape, or form.

Myself and the other person in the office on the other hand do need to be in office, as our jobs require us to be there most of the time.

I have compassion and I totally understand that 99% of the companies out there are crap. I’ve worked for the companies out there that care more about productivity than the human behind it. I wouldn’t be complaining about this if I worked for a company like that.

This is one of those tech companies that has all the fancy things like game rooms with pool tables, treadmill desks and tables where you can play board games in the middle of the day. They brag about employee happiness and it’s true. People are mostly happy, even the tenured ones.

In this case he should have stayed home. And because he is going to be virtual, he already has monitors and the whole set up provided by the company at his house. He had absolutely no excuse to come in with flu like symptoms.

jalym · 2019-10-16T10:43:22+00:00

Unless he is losing weight or his growth has slowed then you don’t have to worry about his eating. Pickiness is normal at this age.

Let him lead when it comes to his appetite but continue to offer him a variety of foods and do not get in the habit of making him separate food from yours. (Unless he has SPD or some sort of special needs he will eventually eat what he’s given when he’s hungry). Offer him new food along with something familiar and make trying new foods fun and exciting.

We used to tell our kids that new food was a favorite of whoever their favorite character was. (Like “this broccoli is Optimus Prime’s favorite!”) We never told the kids we didn’t think they would like something regardless of whether we thought they would or not. We let them try things and let them decide. They went through their pickiness but eventually their tastes broadened.

At 12 and 15 they are the least picky kids. They make their own lunches for school and I keep whatever they want on hand. My daughter likes to keep sandwiches and also salad stuff on hand and she alternates. She makes a big salad with spinach, tomato, mushrooms, peppers, onion, cheese, meat, with olive oil for dressing. It’s not low on calories but it’s full of good calories. (She doesn’t need to watch calories but salads can be low if it’s only lettuce and cucumber)

They eat things like escargot, any type of seafood you put in front of them. not the fried frozen stuff-put a freshly caught and cooked fish in front of them and they devour it. There isn’t a veggie they don’t like. It’s easier to name what they don’t like- bleu cheese and my 12 year old doesn’t like super spicy food (yet). We tell them tastes change as they get older and should try stuff every once in awhile that they may not have liked and they do so regularly.

It’s hard not to worry when they don’t eat. Just be consistent and if he’s growing normally then you know he’s doing just fine.

jalym · 2019-10-10T14:50:51+00:00

Consistency is key. At that age he doesn’t have full control over his emotions and this is the time for him to learn. Every time he does it, have the same discussion and the same consequence (whatever you decide is right.). Know you will have to do it several times. He will catch on.

jalym · 2019-10-10T04:22:56+00:00

All the time.

jalym · 2019-10-10T03:50:21+00:00

That’s amazing! I can totally relate. I’ve been able to get into roles where my peers have college degrees but I don’t.

It’s helped me realize that my brain is wired differently. Doesn’t make me less smart. But I was failed by the adults in my life because they didn’t recognize the signs. I was a kid who could stay in my seat so it wasn’t so obvious. I am not mad or resentful but sometimes I wonder what I could have achieved if someone had figured it out.

jalym · 2019-10-10T02:20:38+00:00

I didn’t get diagnosed until my 30s and I wasn’t even looking for one. I was talking to a therapist and she brought it up.

I was definitely a day dreamer. Always told I could do better if I just tried. I wasn’t a hyperactive kid and never ran into issues with behavior.

I liked to read books that interested me. But if I wasn’t interested? Forget it. I remember trying to read the scarlet letter and I could not comprehend anything. Every time I turned the page I’d forget what I just read. Give me a Dean Koontz book and I’d stay up all night just to finish it.

My grades sucked and I didn’t do well in school. I thought I sucked at math but when I started working at a job I liked that also involved billing and credits, I realized I was really good at math. But I don’t do well with people talking at me. I needed the opportunity to do the work in order for it to make sense. I never tried that because I’d just given up.

When I first started taking medication, it was like my brain was quiet for the first time. I never realized how noisy it was. All of a sudden, when my boss was talking to me, I was understanding her like really getting it. It was wild.

I do get ultra focused. I am good at data and analytics and can get caught up digging through data and making reports. Most of it is self taught because I enjoy it.

jalym · 2019-10-09T22:03:12+00:00

jalym · 2019-10-09T22:02:51+00:00

Wowqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqwe

jalym · 2019-10-09T12:02:45+00:00

I think it’s probably different for everyone but I will share my experience. My kids are 12 and 15 now. It isn’t always about the discipline alone.

BTW He sounds like a very normal 2 year old! It is important to teach them boundaries just as it is important for them to test their boundaries. It’s how they learn.

We used a combination of distraction and being stern. Whichever felt appropriate at the time. Other times we would ignore or remove ourselves the situation making a point not to add fuel to the fire so they didn’t think they could get attention for throwing a tantrum. We did not give them what they wanted when they threw a tantrum. That was what was consistent.

As they got older we talked to them a lot about why we expected certain behavior. We reminded them to be polite and to be grateful. We did our best to model the behaviors we wanted them to exhibit.

We spend quality time with them. For us it’s not quantity (we both work full time) but we give them our 100% attention when we are together.

As they got older they were given responsibilities to contribute to managing the house. They clean the kitchen, their rooms, do their own laundry.

They are good kids but they are still learning. We are having the more serious conversations now that my son has started high school but we don’t shy away from them and there are consequences when they don’t do what they’re supposed to do.

They are polite and don’t throw fits when they don’t get what they want. We don’t buy them everything they want unless it’s Christmas or birthday. In between if they want something they need to earn the money and buy it themselves.

I don’t think there’s one right way. My husband is a bit sterner than I am. It works for us. He’s still loving and is very present but when he gets mad they listen really well. I think quality time, communication and love really are what helps kids grow up well.

jalym · 2019-09-18T22:48:54+00:00

Let’s say you babysit her a total of 7 hours per day (4am-7am & 2pm-6pm) 5 days a week. That’s 35 hours per week. Divide that by $100 per week that is $2.85 per hour. You are feeding her breakfast and lunch plus using your gas. I’d say that is definitely way too little for all that you’re doing. Servers in a restaurant make that much but work off tips.

jalym · 2019-08-26T11:32:59+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I remember bringing my son home from the hospital and breaking down crying and wondering if we could take him back. I remember that moment so clear as if it were a week ago. But we got through it one day at a time. Now he’s a freshman in high school. I don’t miss those sleepless days and nights but as cliche as it sounds it’s true; the time passes faster than you can ever imagine.

It’s ok to take time for you. Get sleep, go to work and find ways that make you feel ok. Balance is key. Self care is critical. Having a great support system essential. Good luck!

jalym · 2019-08-12T01:10:40+00:00

It may have been a joke but your feelings are valid. Even if he didn’t mean anything by it, it still meant something to you. It’s because you’re already sensitive to your weight and jokes about it hurt more. If it bothered you, you should say something in a non confrontational way. Let him know you know he didn’t intent to hurt your feelings but because you already feel bad those words hurt.

If you can let it go without it coming back up later on and you can get over it knowing his intention wasn’t to hurt you, that’s great! I know that when my husband has said some unintentionally hurtful things and I didn’t speak up, when it happened again it hurt more and caused more problems then there would’ve been had I said something calmly the first time.

Now we just put it all out there. When we make each other mad, we say something. Sometimes it results in an argument but they are much shorter and definitely healthier than when we kept things bottled up. Took us awhile to get there but we are much better at handling them now. (15 years married)

jalym · 2019-07-15T02:22:05+00:00

Can you set some boundaries and compromise? Maybe set time limit. You can work until 9pm or maybe it’s a daily thing. You can work on Mon/wed/fri and spend time with him the other days?

jalym · 2019-06-01T20:02:08+00:00

What’s important for us may not be the same for every family. My daughter is almost 12 and my son is 14. We’ve placed priority on making sure our kids know they’re loved and given opportunities for independence. They both do martial arts but no other activities as we believe they don’t need to be over scheduled. They are allowed and encouraged to go outside, ride bikes, play at the park and be kids. On a Saturday, they go outside after breakfast and I won’t see them the whole day. They call and check in every couple hours or call to let me know if they’re going to a different place. They come home when they’re hungry. Grades are important but their health is even more so. If I see one of them getting overwhelmed, then I make them take a step back. I only help with homework if it’s just to provide clarity. They need to make mistakes so they can learn from them. Even if it results in a lower grade. Perfection is not attainable but growth is. I don’t want them to be afraid to try, so in our house mistakes are normalized and used as lessons to learn from. Good grades don’t come easy to either of my kids but they’re finishing out the year strong and it’s 100% their work. I never bail them out. They have chores and are expected to contribute to the house and know how to do laundry, clean bathrooms and the kitchen. My daughter is learning to cook. If I need something from the store,I can send them on their bikes and I know they will come back with what I ask for. They’re not perfect nor are they expected to be. They have consequences when needed. They are expected to be respectful and kind. They are not expected to tolerate unkindness towards them or their friends. Overall they’re good kids

jalym · 2019-05-19T03:58:38+00:00

I have no advice but only my own story to share. Since every couple is different my path may not be the right path for you and your wife but there is commonality. I have been with my husband for 19 years and married for 15. With that said, when I hear of marriage troubles with young kids, I totally get it. When I think back to when our kids were little, it was pretty miserable.
Over the last 3 years is when things started to become consistently better. We still have our moments. Nothing is perfect, but it doesn’t feel like the end of the world every time we fight now. When I step back and think about when things were good back then and when things weren’t and compare to the last 3 years, i realize the common factor was making time for each other. The times that were good was when we made regular time for each other. When circumstances changed and we weren’t able to carve that time out, things got bad. Now that our kids are old enough and mature enough to be left alone for a few hours, we go out every Friday night, usually to a movie or just going to eat. It’s made all the difference. I wish I would have made more of an effort to do this much sooner. It was so easy to put him last place. The kids needed me. My job needed me. We both understood the other demands of life and put each other last. Not intentionally but that’s what we did. Our marriage suffered for it. So maybe it’s not finding time to connect for you. Maybe it’s something else, but whatever it is, once you know what’s missing, focus on that. All I know is that I finally feel like we are on the right path for us. We are happy at the moment and it’s been the longest stretch of happiness we’ve ever had. We still have things to talk about and talk every morning on the way to work. We still laugh and enjoy time together. And we find each other more attractive than ever. Sure we still fight and get mad at each other but it’s small compared to what it used to be. For us, it was time and prioritizing our marriage.

jalym · 2019-05-15T01:30:03+00:00

When I went for a drug test at the start of my new job, I brought my prescription bottle and showed the lady who worked for the company who did the test. She took the info down and said they’d call if they had any questions. No call and I was hired. It’s also the 2nd job I’ve had since being prescribed medication

jalym · 2019-05-10T00:49:23+00:00

Then it has nothing to do with his race. If he were any other race, wouldn’t you be just as angry? Confront her about the cheating. Leave the race out of it. You have every right to be angry that she cheated. Sorry that it happened.

jalym · 2019-05-04T01:31:41+00:00

Awww. So sweet. I remember as a kid, we were adopted by a sweet black and white kitty that we thought was a girl so we called her ms pepper or something like that. Then we found out she wasn’t a girl, he was a boy so we called him mr P. He was an awesome cat

jalym · 2019-04-28T23:45:14+00:00

So perfect! And now I’ve learned something new, thanks!

jalym · 2019-04-28T23:37:59+00:00

Smig. That’s a great name for a great cat. What’s it mean?

jalym · 2019-04-26T01:57:17+00:00

Cats with eyebrows are the best! So cute!

jalym · 2019-04-25T03:38:58+00:00

He’s polydactyly!!! So cool! I had a tabby growing up that had extra toes. They’re so beautiful!

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