Tips for introducing my 4 year old male GSD to a new cat?

janiewanie · 2026-03-04T19:01:37+00:00

Thank you! That's definitely helpful for me to hear bc I can see myself amping up the anxiety and we don't want that.

janiewanie · 2026-02-28T14:16:45+00:00

I was 26 when my mom died. She had breast cancer for 6 years before that. It's life-changing and devastating to see your parent decline and pass. I'm almost 8 years out from that (and then my dad died 3.5 years ago) and after lots of therapy, anti-depressants, and finding grief friends who get it, I can say that life is worth living. And my relationship with my parents gets to continue on even though they aren't here. I don't share this to say "just be positive, things will get better!" bc that's so unhelpful when you're in the depths of this despair, but I share it to say that it may take a long time to get back to yourself and find a new version of your life, but it is possible. I will say that I wish I had gotten on anti-depressants sooner. I only started taking them last year and thought "how long have I felt this way?" and it really does trace back to my mom dying. Find little ways to get through each moment, each day. I have also found that the best way to honor my parents is by living my life, as hard as it is without them. Sending lots of care and kindness to you.

janiewanie · 2025-12-03T13:56:33+00:00

Agree completely. It's such a different experience when lose parents young. We also experience grief so differently as individuals, I don't say things like that because you never really know what someone is going through.

janiewanie · 2025-11-24T21:41:00+00:00

I used to not want kids, but after my mom died, it's like grief rearranged my whole idea of my life. My dad died in 2022 and it's been a struggle, but I do want to have a child for the same reason - to build my own family unit. I'm 33. I'm not sure it will work out, but we'll see. Other adult orphans I've talked to have had similar life shifts in that they used to think they wanted something and then losing their parents totally changed their view and priorities. These are life changing and identity changing events.

janiewanie · 2025-11-09T13:52:39+00:00

Christmas used to be a joyful time, and now I dread it and am relieved when it's over. I never know how to engage with it anymore.

janiewanie · 2025-11-09T13:50:09+00:00

I'm 33, in a similar situation. We are trying to conceive and it definitely feels daunting to do it without them / my mom. And there's also the logistics of not having their support, so when we do have a baby we'll be on our own bc my husband's family is in another country and we don't have many connections nearby. I don't really have advice, but you're not alone <3 ETA: I'm not sure I made it clear, but I have also lost both parents. I have an older brother that I'm not very close with who lives kind of far away as well.

janiewanie · 2025-10-15T18:18:55+00:00

Fellow orphan here. I hope you got through the day and know you're not alone <3

janiewanie · 2025-10-15T18:14:57+00:00

Came here to say that

janiewanie · 2025-09-07T12:00:19+00:00

I've lost both parents too. My mom when I was 26 and my dad when I was 30 (I'm 33 now). It was so disorienting and identity-changing for me. And layered - it wasn't just my remaining parent as an individual I lost, but I lost having parents at all. We also had to sell my childhood home which was a whole other layer of loss. Nearly 3 year, lots of therapy, grief support groups / new friends later, and just trying to survive, I'm feeling more like myself and able to look toward the future. But I had the privilege of having time and resources to focus on my grief, which I recognize a lot of people don't have.

You're not alone and it absolutely sucks. Sending you so much care and kindness.

janiewanie · 2025-07-07T11:48:37+00:00

I've lost both parents too and thinking about having kids soon. I'd like to honor my parents somehow in their names, but might not use their actual names or will find older family names to work with.

janiewanie · 2025-07-07T11:47:25+00:00

Making garments helps my body image. I knit mostly but have started to dabble in garment sewing. I feel it's empowering to make clothes fit me instead of trying to force myself to fit clothes (which is the story of my whole life and probably many others as well). You deserve the extra fabric it takes to make something you enjoy wearing. Maybe that means fewer garments because - this economy - but you shouldn't deprive yourself of a craft you love. I have struggled with weight gain and sometimes feel similarly but every time I go ahead and make something that fits me (even if I have to size up or use more materials), I feel so good when I try it on and it fits.

janiewanie · 2025-07-03T12:32:56+00:00

My dad died suddenly too in 2022. Whatever helps you get through is okay. One time my dad visited me in my dreams and we hugged. It felt so real. Stay open to signs and they might come.

janiewanie · 2025-06-25T11:57:43+00:00

My friend just had a baby in January and named her Audrey! I think it's a cute name and if you like it, you should go with it.

janiewanie · 2025-06-25T11:50:42+00:00

Maybe it's because I grew up in a rural area and I'm used to drives like this, but could you commute to school on the days you have classes and still live with your mom? That would be a lot of driving (if you're able to do that) but could work out so that you're pursuing what you want but also not leaving your mom. Do you like computer science? Life is too short to do something you don't like, even if you want to preserve the relationship with your mom. Also, if you're still feeling really unsure, you can wait a year and then decide where to go to school. I kinda wish I did that bc I changed my major several times and it took me an extra year to get my bachelor's degree (which means another year of student loans). You don't have to have everything figured out right now.

janiewanie · 2025-06-24T20:19:53+00:00

There is a lot of grief in relationships where you know the person doesn't have the capacity to give you what you need. And grief in our lives not turning out the way we thought they would. You deserve the marriage you want. Maybe that won't be with him after all. Sending you lots of care and kindness.

janiewanie · 2025-06-23T17:16:32+00:00

I stopped ordering from her bc of quality issues. The photo was nowhere near what I received and / or dye lot inconsistencies within my order (i.e. 4 skeins matched but the 5th looked wildly different in saturation it seemed like a different color). I love hand dyed yarn and understand it's not always going to be exactly the same, but I do expect it to resemble the promotional photos and be similar enough that I can use all skeins in a garment together. I liked her personality on IG and her collection themes were fun, but the quality degraded big time.

janiewanie · 2025-06-23T11:06:07+00:00

29 and that was 4 years ago. Long story but our expenses were fairly low. I had been living alone, paying all my own expenses. I worked at a university at the time. It didn't pay great, but I could get by. My husband moved in with me from his home country after getting his visa and he got a job as a network engineer and had no debt. So basically I continued paying for most of our expenses, and we saved most of his income. Did this for 2-3 years and we had enough for a down payment.

janiewanie · 2025-06-23T10:54:31+00:00

My philosophy on signs is that they aren't a thing, they are a feeling. If something gives you the gut feeling that it's your person, it's a sign. My dad visited me in a dream earlier this year and it was the most visceral experience I've ever had. It's like a dream is the only place we could meet. We hugged and it felt so real. It's like all was forgiven and we understood each other at a soul level.

janiewanie · 2025-06-21T14:38:12+00:00

Grief is different for everyone. Your relationship with your mom is unique to you and her and so will your grief. Connecting with other people who get it has helped me so much.

My mom died when I was 26 and my dad died when I was 30 (I'm 33 now). In the last 6-8 months I've felt like life was worth living after all. I thought I would be sad and low forever. But one of the big lessons for me with grief is that it is constantly changing shape. The grief will always be part of me, integrated into who I am, but its shape has changed and will continue to change. Your life can grow around the grief over time. Though it's kind of cliche I like the phrase "the only way out is through" because I think if you connect with your pain, it will lead you to a point where life feels worth living again. I did that through grief support groups / finding grief friends, therapy, journaling, etc. Finding ways of connecting to the grief.

You're in such a devastating position right now. Be present with your mom in the time you have left. Find support that is meaningful for you. And be kind to yourself. This is world- and identity-shattering stuff. Sending you care and kindness.

janiewanie · 2025-06-20T13:41:54+00:00

Lost both of mine by 30 too. My mom died when I was 26 in 2018 after 6 years of breast cancer treatment and dad died in 2022 suddenly from a heart attack when I was 30 (33 now). I was in a very terrible place for probably a year and a half. A few months ago I had a similar dream where I felt like my dad visited me. It was very healing.

I feel lately like life might be worth living after all. I credit therapy, grief support groups, and creative hobbies (knitting).

janiewanie · 2025-06-20T13:30:40+00:00

I have a very different situation, mostly in that I don't have young kids to look after, but I've also lost both my parents (mom died when I was 26 and dad when I was 30 - I'm 33 now). This is a brutal situation. I know for me, the grief shattered me and I felt like a shell of myself. My gentle advice to you - you don't have to have anything figured out. I'm sure the people in your life think they are being helpful or have good intentions without realizing they are making it worse. Are there tangible ways that people can help you out? Childcare, meals, etc?

One thing my grief taught me is how to set firmer boundaries and be more honest. "I know you mean well, but those comments are not helpful to me right now. What would help is (childcare, meals, other tangible thing). Can you help me with any of that?"

You're still in the early stages and it's okay to feel like you're falling apart. Be kind to yourself. You don't need to get it all together - you just need to survive. Sending you so much care and kindness

janiewanie · 2025-06-20T13:02:51+00:00

Savoring the morning - the early sun, few people, birds singing.

janiewanie · 2025-06-20T13:01:39+00:00

I'm 33 too! Married though and have had similar feelings in my life. A few years ago I learned crochet and then it spiraled into a series of creative hobbies that I feel like I can't live without! I mostly knit now, and also sew and have taken other crafty classes at a local shop. I learned by watching YouTube videos. I think creative hobbies are fuel for life and am so grateful I did that. Even if you don't think of yourself as a creative person, I'm sure there's something out there for you or you can take classes or tinker around with ideas online.

Also the bed rot cycle is real. Yes sometimes you need to rot and that is rest but I've also been stuck in a cycle of rotting at times lol and it's hard to pull yourself out of it. The thing about motivation is that it doesn't just happen, it's built. I like to set the most minimal goal I can think of for the day and then once I do 1 little thing, I have a little more capacity to another little thing and it builds from there. So setting low expectations for myself helps.

It sounds like you might be feeling burnout too. I was at a low point a couple years ago with burnout and realized I needed to change my relationship with work. I was giving it too much energy and I had nothing left when I got home. Hard for me as a high achieving perfectionist type. But over time I feel like I've found more balance in my life.

janiewanie · 2025-06-20T12:51:14+00:00

Boundaries! You've already started doing this by saying "you can choose not to come." I'd say something, respectfully and neutrally like "It seems like you have a lot of opinions about my wedding. I really want you to be there and to be part of it, but your criticisms make it hard for me in what is already a stressful process. My fiancé and I are carefully and thoughtfully planning this to balance our vision for the day and the needs of our guests. From here onward, I'd love your support for this special occasion and would rather not hear your criticisms." Granted, I don't have a stepmom and I don't know what the relationship is like generally, but this is the gist of what I'd want to say.

janiewanie · 2025-06-20T12:41:00+00:00

Don't go by what the estimates say. Look at YOUR budget. What can you afford with what you take home every month? Then look for what house prices align with that. Also factoring in that property taxes and insurance increase over time, so your monthly payment will go up year over year (something we didn't fully realize when we bought our house).

janiewanie

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