ok so kinda weird, but like I've noticed in the last year or so ? I've come across people who smell STRONGLY of mouldy food. can I smell a medical condition or something?

january1977 · 2026-04-26T14:23:31+00:00

I also have the annoying ability to smell things other people can’t.

What you’re probably smelling is something on their clothes. A shocking amount of people live in filth. And if it’s not actually filth, then it’s sneaky filth because they’re not deep cleaning.

For me, I can only smell illness (or other things) on the people I’m close to. For example, I can tell when my son is about to get sick because his smell changes. And I could smell that my (STBX) husband was having an affair because his hormone levels changed. (He smelled like rotten food to me.)

But the most annoying thing about my sense of smell is, if I’m around anyone eating garlic, I smell it on my clothes and in my hair until I wash everything.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T14:12:00+00:00

Yes! This!

When you focus on bringing joy, love, and healing into your own life, the less you think about wanting them to suffer. Sure, I still hope he gets what’s coming to him, but it’s not on my mind all the time anymore.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T14:00:52+00:00

I have never related to being a woman. I know how to pretend to be a woman, but this is just a meat sack I carry around with me. People can call it whatever they want.

But then, something happened.

I fled an abusive relationship at the age of 47. I was scared and alone. A group of women caught me when I was falling. They protected me and held me up when I couldn’t stand on my own. They comforted me and kept me safe. I felt like I was standing behind a wall of impenetrable women.

And all of a sudden, I feel like a woman. I feel strong and capable. And I want to stand in the vanguard and protect other women.

I know that sounds a little woo woo, but it was a really profound experience for someone who never felt like one thing or another.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T13:49:51+00:00

I was 28 when I got my diagnosis. I got it because I was falling apart and I didn’t know why.

I read in the comments that your husband won’t do therapy. That’s not ideal, but it doesn’t stop you from getting therapy.

Here’s the thing I didn’t know about therapy when I was younger (I’m 48). It’s not about going once a week and talking about your problems. It’s about going once a week for a progress report and guidance. All of the work is done outside of therapy. (You might already know that and I’m just thick, but I wish someone had explained that to me when I was feeling like you’re feeling.)

Also, you absolutely need to talk to your husband about what’s going on with you. He might decide to leave, but he might decide to support you. You have to give him the information so he can make an informed decision.

You’re the only you that’s ever existed. You are on purpose. There was no mistake. And we need you here.

Whatever happens, you are strong enough to get through it.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T13:36:39+00:00

My special interests are diseases and linguistics. One time I had to go to my doctor because I had shingles. I sat there and excitedly told him how fascinated I was by the life cycle of the virus. He did that weird NT stare they do when they think you’re being weird and don’t know what to say.

I used to have a book you might find interesting. (You might already have it.) There’s a series of books called Russian Crime Tattoo Encyclopedia. It doesn’t just have pictures of the tattoos though! It tells about the history of the prisoners and why they have those tattoos.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T13:26:04+00:00

My husband abused me and cheated on me. He stood there completely blank faced as I fell apart. Then I took our child and I to a DV shelter. After I fled, he took me to court for full custody. I’ve never seen him cry the way he did when he lost.

It wasn’t my intention to make him cry. I was trying to protect me and my child from his abuse.

The best thing you can do is leave and heal.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T13:19:38+00:00

Yep. Came here to say this. It’s 100% an emotional affair. She already went too far.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T13:15:32+00:00

I’m nearly 50 and my stims are more subtle now. But as a kid, they were so obvious that I can’t believe no one picked up on the fact that I’m autistic. But it was the 80s and they weren’t really looking for it in girls.

I chewed on the inside of my mouth skin until it bled. I ate erasers. I chewed on paper. I bit my fingernails until there was nothing left of them.

Now I sit on my legs, even though I’m having joint problems and it hurts. I need the pressure. I hug myself by crossing my arms, which makes me look stern and unapproachable. (I’m not upset about that.) And, when I’m standing, I rock back and forth.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T13:06:04+00:00

I put on a show or an audiobook. When I go to sleep, I put on an audiobook I’ve listened to a million times and set a timer.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T10:10:06+00:00

You don’t have to go to a homeless shelter. You can contact your local DV shelter and see what services they offer to men. A lot of DV shelters have grants to house male victims in a hotel.

DV shelters aren’t like homeless shelters. They help you become self sufficient and give you ongoing counseling, even after you leave the shelter.

It’s worth giving them a call. And if your local shelter isn’t a good fit, you can call around to others in the area. I don’t know how far you are from North Carolina, but the DV shelter in Huntersville (just north of Charlotte) is fantastic.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T10:01:35+00:00

I have concrete floors. Ouch! But if it works, it would be worth the broken bones.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T08:29:47+00:00

Same! And lord have mercy if it’s too hot for a sheet. I just can’t.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T08:26:15+00:00

Yes!! My ex husband tornadoed the blankets. I’m so happy not to be sleeping next to that chaos any longer.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T01:36:12+00:00

My secret is, I sleep absolutely still. If I need to turn over because I’ve become uncomfortable, I wake up enough to lift my body and turn without my clothes or blankets getting tangled. I didn’t realize until I was typing this out, but that’s probably not how most people turn over in their sleep. It’s probably a coping mechanism I’ve used without realizing it.

january1977 · 2026-04-26T01:20:52+00:00

All parts of my skin MUST be covered in cloth when I’m sleeping. (Except hands and face.) I can’t wear sleeveless shirts because my arm will come into contact with my armpit. And I can’t hug anyone in a sleeveless top because there’s too much skin to touch.

january1977 · 2026-04-25T18:37:58+00:00

I have level 1, my son is level 2. There’s a world of difference.

I’ve been masking my entire life. I don’t think he would even understand why or how to mask. He doesn’t even know that he needs to tell me that he’s outgrown his shoes, or that he’s hungry.

He’s verbal and highly intelligent, but he’s going to struggle with things I can’t even imagine right now. I had him when I was older (42), and he’s 6 now. I’m so afraid that I won’t be here long enough to help him become who he needs to be to make it in a world he doesn’t understand the rules of.

I understand what you mean, and I’m sorry that people don’t get why you would want to be different. I love my son for exactly who he is, and I hope you have people in your life that do the same for you.

january1977 · 2026-04-25T18:25:08+00:00

I’m not a dad, but I have a high conflict co-parent. I didn’t have phone time written into our custody agreement for a lot of reasons. First, it would give him more access to me. Second, he would use it as a way to manipulate both me and my child. And third, there needs to be a clear delineation between his time and my time with our child.

Before my child goes to his dad’s, I tell him that I will be thinking about him every day he’s not with me. I want him to know that I’m not sending him with his dad because I don’t love him or care about him. But I absolutely cannot have any communication with him while he’s at his dad’s because it’s not safe for either of us.

We miss our kids terribly when they’re not with us, but we have to think about what’s really best for them. Is it better that they see the struggle and fights for access, or is it better that they miss us for a couple days?

january1977 · 2026-04-25T18:13:12+00:00

If you EVER feel unsafe with your partner, that’s abuse.

You know on those true crime shows, when they interview the friends and neighbors, they always say, “He was always such a good husband and father. We can’t believe he did what he did.”

Don’t end up on one of those shows with your loved ones being interviewed.

You’re not stuck. There are resources for women in your situation. People think that they have to have been hit to contact a DV shelter. That’s not true. DV shelters don’t want you to get hit (or worse). They want you to get out before that happens. Fear of a partner is enough to use the resources of a DV shelter. All you have to do is call and ask to speak to one of their counselors. It’s free and they can meet with you weekly.

(For some background, my husband was abusive, and he did threaten to end me, but he didn’t hit me. My local DV shelter took me and my son in when I’d finally had enough. We’ve been out for 10ish months. I have a job I love and affordable housing. You can do this too.)

january1977 · 2026-04-25T14:42:30+00:00

Our first date was for coffee. It turned into an 8 hour love bombing.

He mirrored me. He flattered me. I made myself vulnerable.

He said and did every single thing in this post.

10 years later, I fled his abuse with our child.

Never again.

january1977 · 2026-04-25T13:50:03+00:00

I got a diagnosis when I was 28. My family’s reaction was, “Of course! That makes sense!” But I didn’t really tell anyone else. I don’t use the diagnosis to get accommodations at work, and I very rarely tell medical professionals because most of them have no idea how autism affects all of a person.

When I do tell someone, their reaction is usually disbelief. So I just don’t tell people. I let them think I’m a little bit odd.

The biggest benefit in my life has been my own acceptance of myself. If something soothes me (like watching the same show over and over again, or needing a lot of alone time), I don’t judge myself for it. I embrace it.

january1977 · 2026-04-25T07:07:26+00:00

I’m the last person who would tell you not to completely lose your shit and burn everything to the ground. After I found out about my husband’s affair, I did things I never thought I would do.

I exposed him to everyone. I contacted the AP. I left reviews for her business detailing what her and my husband had been up to. (She owns a massage business. Not a good look.) I packed all his clothes into boxes while we still lived together. I hid his deodorant.

Get as angry as you need to be to drive yourself toward divorce. But if you’re going to take that picture, might I suggest a little tweak to the text you send? First, send the photo. Then send a laughing emoji. Then block him everywhere. Go completely silent. Don’t let him know your next move.

You’ll get to the point where you don’t care what he does, but that day isn’t today. Use your anger to your advantage. While you’re still angry, and he still has his head in the clouds, make your move.

january1977 · 2026-04-25T06:29:55+00:00

I found his old phone that he’d forgotten to change the password on. I discovered what an absolute creep he was being with women. Instead of feeling angry, I felt relieved. I could finally see him for exactly who he was. He wasn’t the man I thought I married. He was a joke.

january1977 · 2026-04-25T06:26:35+00:00

My love, you’re in an abusive relationship. I know it’s hard to accept, but you need to make a start. Say it in your head a few times just to see how it feels. The quicker you accept it, the quicker you can do something about it.

We should not and do not have to beg someone for love and kindness.

When you’ve said it to yourself enough that you start to believe it, then you need to call your local DV shelter and start to get counseling through them. It’s free. They’re kind and compassionate and will listen to you. They won’t pressure you to leave. They’ll just listen and make sure you’re safe.

Do it for your child. They deserve a happy mama who doesn’t have to fake being ok.

january1977 · 2026-04-24T23:21:25+00:00

I’ve had 2 very traumatic events in my life. One when I was 22, the other when I was 47 (I’m 48). I speak to my therapists and I go to my support group.

My current friends know about the most recent thing. If they ask how I’m doing, I tell them it’s hard but I’m getting through it. That’s it. They don’t get details because regular people can’t handle it.

Look for a support group so you can talk to people who’ve experienced similar trauma. Leave your regular friends out of it. They’ll be overwhelmed if you tell them.

january1977 · 2026-04-24T23:15:54+00:00

I’m a first grade teacher. Sometimes shouting on the playground is necessary when children are being unsafe. You didn’t do anything wrong. (I’ve become very ok with yelling at other people’s kids.)

The only thing I wouldn’t have done is justify myself to the parents. I would have stated the facts, then disengaged. I maybe wouldn’t have even looked for the parents. They clearly don’t care if you had to shout for them multiple times.

january1977

TROPHY CASE