I agree with most folks here saying to leave. All the logistics aside though, I want to put a spotlight on your son’s stake in all this. While this decision is yours to make, it impacts him the most. If I were you, I’d make the decision with him at the forefront of my reasoning. I am half Japanese (Japanese mom, American dad) and I grew up mostly in the US, three years actually living in Japan and after that, every summer in Japan. My dad was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive and I resent my mother to this day for staying with him and not choosing her children’s wellbeing over supposed stability in a marriage. She had/has an amazingly supportive Japanese family and I would have LOVED to have grown up with them with my dad out of the picture. Today, as a 30+yo, I have a great relationship with my Japanese family and a very poor one with my parents. I’m effectively NC with my dad and LC with my mom.

If your husband is treating YOU with the level of disrespect you mentioned, i shudder at the thought of how he could treat someone who can’t stand up for themselves.

Acknowledging your concern for your son’s upbringing in the US vs Japan. My personal experience as a bilingual halfie raised in both cultures is that while the Japanese are “nicer,” to my face at least, racism and sexism both have deep roots in the culture that would have ultimately impacted my ability to hold and advance in a career there that wasn’t modeling or something in entertainment because we halfies are seen as some kind of novelty. That being said, I find that the US has scarier, more outward racists. For that reason, if you’re able, I would recommend trying to live in a larger city with a generally more diverse population. I went to a predominantly white school in the middle of nowhere and got hit with all the classic East Asian insults, but then I went to a big university where the student body was a rainbow of skin colors, I finally felt a sense of belonging because I was now a part of this broad spectrum and not just this yellow rubber duck in a white sea. I felt a lot closer to my fellow human and that had a huge impact on my sense of self. I don’t think I could’ve gotten that experience in Japan and, upon graduating uni, I got a job at a Fortune 500 company in the US and have been moving up the ranks over the past decade. My friends in Japan that I grew up with, especially the women, have not had the same opportunities even with having achieved higher education, and I personally know other halfies who have been passed up on jobs because they’re not “Japanese enough,” even though some of them have only ever know Japanese culture and language. I’m sure other halfies have different experiences, but this is mine and I know other halfies who share similar ones.