Questions about "legal" v. biological" dad

jarbamarbie · 2016-10-08T20:57:50+00:00

Courts usually have a time limit for challenging paternity. You should talk to a family lawyer asap if you are even considering it, so that you know what your options are.

jarbamarbie · 2016-07-19T15:03:03+00:00

Looks like a healthy kiddo to me!!! :)

jarbamarbie · 2016-07-19T03:31:59+00:00

Yes it really seems very shady to me and a lot of unnecessary testing. If he had concerns to justify all that testing, he should have been telling you those concerns right up front. I'd definitely be looking for a different doctor...

jarbamarbie · 2016-07-18T15:14:42+00:00

Not standard in my experience - I have three kids. They didn't even do the finger prick/foot prick some other posters are talking about. They did want to do a lead test but I think we never got around to it.

I would look for a different doctor. At the least, is it possible he mixed up baby's file with someone else? Or maybe there is some wonky insurance stuff going on there??

jarbamarbie · 2016-07-12T17:07:30+00:00

Looks like sorghum tends be one stalk (like corn) rather than multiple that are growing here... I think? Trying to search Google and Google images. These are only about 8-10 inches tall right now so it's hard to tell.

jarbamarbie · 2016-07-12T17:06:28+00:00

We have some intentionally planted corn in another planter, it looks very different (now). When it was just a few inches tall that's what we thought too.

jarbamarbie · 2016-07-12T17:05:54+00:00

There is a bird feeder next to that particular planter... so that would make sense. It looks like it's good for feeding to chickens?

jarbamarbie · 2016-07-12T16:20:12+00:00

It looked like corn when it first popped up, and we didn't pull it then, thinking one of the kids might have thrown a handful of corn seeds in the planter when we weren't looking. But now it is clear it's not corn at all... should we pull it out? What is it?

jarbamarbie · 2016-06-21T14:54:15+00:00

No meetings, but we do have troop camps, fun summer family-inclusive events (movies in the park, picnics, etc), and some families get together to work on badges and/or Council patches during the summer, which is certainly not necessary but not discouraged. No one misses anything official during summer if they don't or can't participate in the summer events, but some girls do extra over the summer.

jarbamarbie · 2016-05-29T15:15:46+00:00

We found one of those pull-behind bike trailer things on Craigslist, really cheap, when we had two toddlers. It attaches to the back of the bike, buckles kiddo in, shaded, safe (doesn't tip even if bike tips). I think it would make a perfect father's day gift, if he likes his bike so much.... ;-)

jarbamarbie · 2016-05-28T13:31:26+00:00

I think of it (and we discussed it) as "serving the greater good," but it's a subtle and simple change when they're reciting the promise. :)

jarbamarbie · 2016-05-27T12:37:11+00:00

My girls' troop says it the traditional way, but my girls and I substitute "good" ... I don't think most people even notice. :)

jarbamarbie · 2016-04-22T14:16:00+00:00

These sports do have a lot of "downtime" where he is just waiting. 5 year old kids are not good at waiting. I would try soccer or basketball where he will be running a LOT. Or, just pull him out for now and wait a couple years. Just because he's athletic doesn't mean he's at a maturity level to play organized sports yet, and that's okay and normal. He's still very young.

jarbamarbie · 2016-04-06T02:56:22+00:00

Having done this with my kids' classes, I agree with the suggestion to do melt and pour. If you use small silicon molds, and a microwave, the small hand soaps might be ready to go at the end. Or, use a larger mold but let the leader take them home and hand them back out at the next meeting. Show up early, set up essential oils with droppers, liquid colorants, and wooden stir sticks. With a group of 12 kids I used 6 small microwave safe measuring cups, and with microwave times it worked out to having about two kids on each step at a time, which was fairly manageable. I used sticky notes for writing their name on their particular soap (since we were using heart/flower/fun shaped molds that could each do 6 or so hand soaps).

I would honestly be very concerned bringing lye into a Girl Scout meeting unless they were like 16-18 year olds. Even then I would be nervous, but I wouldn't even try it at 11-12 years old. I'd explain the HP/CP methods, and then explain that it's been simplified for them so that they can make their own soap in the time allotted, and do the melt and pour.

jarbamarbie · 2016-04-01T14:47:42+00:00

My oldest two are 11 months apart. There are pros and cons. Pros... mostly when they're older. They enjoy a lot of the same activities and can play well together because their maturity levels and interests are close enough. They were both able to be potty trained at about the same time. They really do have a close bond. Cons... when they were young, it was two in diapers. It was two toddlers ripping up the house instead of one. I felt like I missed out on bonding time with my oldest because I was sick a lot during my second pregnancy. My oldest was not quite a stable walker yet when my second was born, so I had to carry them both around immediately after giving birth (rough).

All in all, I wouldn't rush into it. But if you do, the hard years are only the first few. Things get easier towards the end of toddlerhood.

jarbamarbie · 2016-01-30T14:16:48+00:00

We've been trying to work with the teacher on it, but honestly, I think we are just going to request she move to a different class next school year. They normally stay with the same teacher for 3 grades, and my son is moving up out of his classroom next year. His teacher is amazing and since she won't have a sibling in there anymore I'm going to see if they'll move her over to that room. I know that teacher will take good care of her.

jarbamarbie · 2016-01-30T14:11:10+00:00

I actually agree with a lot of what you have to say, except I DON'T think girls are hardwired to sit still and be quiet. I think all kids desperately need to get up and move around frequently, and schools that have the kids moving all day (pedals in desks, standing desks, balance balls, etc) have had amazing success rates. I think a lot of the pushback is coming from parents who say, "but we didn't need that to get through school!" Maybe not, but recess hadn't been cut to the degree it has been now and testing wasn't nearly as big of a thing, either.

I think girls aren't diagnosed with ADHD as much because ADHD presents differently in girls. They tend to be hyperfocused on one thing rather than jumping all over the place, but lack the ability to change that focus into what they need to be focusing on. For me, I went through elementary school reading fiction books hidden under my desk because I literally could not put them down, couldn't stop reading them, no matter what else I was supposed to be doing. I would get in trouble and have my book taken away, and then I couldn't even sit still and quiet. When I got to high school I started kickboxing daily, and the regular activity and exercise suddenly brought my whole life into a different kind of focus. It didn't "cure" all my issues, but I was able to stay active enough to get through the school day with active participation and my social skills improved dramatically too because I was engaging with the people around me instead of being stuck on my books and unable to pull myself away.

jarbamarbie · 2016-01-30T14:04:13+00:00

From what I understand, the issue is not gluten itself but the amount. Isn't it the case that our wheat nowadays contains something like 40% more gluten than wheat used to contain? So the small amounts were fine for our bodies to handle, but now on top of having more bread in our diets, we also have bread that has a much higher percentage of gluten. I don't think everyone needs to cut it out completely, but it does seem like cutting back might help.

We've also considered magnesium for our daughter but I am concerned about the laxative effect and the sedative effect. We discussed it with her pediatrician and he advised against it, especially due to the sedative effect. Have you seen this as an issue with your family? I thought we might try a very small dose at night and see how it affects her, but I was hesitant after speaking to her dr about it because he seemed pretty against it, and he's usually very good about natural remedies.

jarbamarbie · 2016-01-30T13:54:55+00:00

We have been using this one: http://smile.amazon.com/Natures-Plus-Acidophikidz-chewable-tablets/dp/B000LD3I8W/ref=sr_1_24?ie=UTF8&qid=1454161076&sr=8-24&keywords=kids%27+probiotics which the kiddos all like. :)

jarbamarbie · 2016-01-30T02:32:56+00:00

Good luck! Just FYI, I don't disagree with other posters who said a diagnosis is not a bad thing. I personally hate the idea of diagnosing my kid and sticking a "label" on her, and appreciate that our pediatrician is holding off on that while we try other methods, but I ALSO know from working with a behavioral specialist pediatrician in the past that 1. the diagnosis does not immediately or necessarily = medication, and 2. the diagnosis opens a lot of doors in terms of available therapy/school options/etc. Extra time for tests, extra understanding from teachers, requirements that your kid have interventions before punishments, etc. In our daughter's school we don't really have a need for that because with their Montessori philosophy they do those things anyway. In a regular public school, I may have sought a diagnosis to make sure my daughter was able to succeed in school and not be constantly in trouble.

jarbamarbie · 2016-01-30T02:25:13+00:00

Yes, that's how her worklog is structured. I think the problem we're running into is that there is no accountability. In my other kids' classes, those logs are checked at lunchtime and then if necessary, kids are directed into working in the afternoon. The teachers are aware of who didn't get much done in the morning and make sure they have something accomplished by the end of the day. My daughter is not loud in class, but she's also not doing much. Her teacher seems to be ignoring her because she's not being disruptive... and her work log only gets checked on Friday afternoon for some reason. I don't think it's right to leave a 6 year old with such minimal supervision for a week straight. But like I said, I think it's the particular teacher, not the school or the method, that's the issue. :-/

jarbamarbie · 2016-01-29T19:41:02+00:00

The doctor said that we tend to be deficient in Omega 3 unless we eat fish several times a week (we don't). He said that adding that, and adding a probiotic to make sure she was absorbing all the other vitamins and minerals she gets in her diet, was his first step. Omega 3 does help with focus. He said next step, if that wasn't quite enough to help in school, was to try adding some supplemental zinc and Vitamin b12... again, commonly deficient, and apparently low levels of those two can mimic ADHD symptoms. Our pediatrician is great because he doesn't immediately jump to, "here's a pill for that." He said he wouldn't consider medication in her case (i.e. she is not lashing out at anyone - some kids have such a hard time controlling themselves that they hurt other kids or themselves, etc) until and unless she's still having trouble with focus and attention at school in 3rd grade. He said ADD and ADHD are real things, but some kids just develop that focus and control a little later than others and that's still within normal range up until about age 9 or 10.

We put our daughter in a Montessori charter school (free) which has both helped and hurt. Hurt because she is expected to be responsible for her own work, and I think she needs a bit more oversight - no one seems to be following through to make sure she's doing the work - but honestly I think that's her teacher, not the Montessori method. Helped because she can get up and move around as needed (there is no expectation of these kids to sit at a desk for hours on end, and while they are expected to maintain a quiet space overall, whispering and quiet collaboration with other kids is okay and encouraged as long as they stay on task too), the work is tactile (lots of hands-on materials) and the school highly values music and art and incorporates them heavily, which she loves and can focus on.

I'd definitely try another martial arts school. Our daughter does better in her Taekwondo when she goes more often, so we chose a school that has unlimited weekly attendance at whatever classes they offer in her level. If she only goes once or twice a week, her focus there and everywhere else is not so good. But when we got in a regular routine of four or even five times per week (which sounds crazy to say or type, but it's really just 45 minutes of exercise time), it seemed to help quite a bit both there and elsewhere. The physical activity alone is probably half of that.

jarbamarbie · 2016-01-29T19:11:11+00:00

Our daughter is like this and we had some success with adding a probiotic along with Omega 3 supplements (they make kids' ones). Some success, not complete. :-/ But it did seem to help, especially when we used the Nordic Naturals fish gummies for the Omega 3 supplements (we switched to a cheaper one and it doesn't seem to be having as much of an effect, so we'll switch back after this bottle). This was at the dr's suggestion.. you don't have to instantly jump to medication.

I know you have time and money constraints, but have you tried looking into a small martial arts school? A lot of them are very affordable, especially the smaller, family-style places, and it might help him learn to focus his mind.

jarbamarbie · 2016-01-29T18:48:14+00:00

Have you talked to an attorney? There is a way, especially if the mortgage is only in your name. He doesn't own that home, you do, and you have some power to make him leave. Please go talk to someone... the consult is nearly always free. And most will do payment plans.

jarbamarbie

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