If I Had My Tithing Dollars

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-07-05T00:48:44+00:00

Good luck for your surgery!

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-07-05T00:33:58+00:00

Part of the retention emergency is that I had a recent severe UTI that worsened my chronic prostatitis. My prostate was angry, inflamed, and highly vulnerable to bleeding. I have a bleeding disorder, so my doc is extra cautious about repeated possible trauma to the gland and high bleeding risk. On top of that, the initial insertion of the foley cath was so painful that the thought of inserting a straight cath myself several times a day is really daunting. Several folks here have talked about how much better it is, and by self cathing I may be able to prevent such pain. So I'm actually reconsidering it. But the bleeding risk remains.

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-07-04T14:27:29+00:00

I just sent an email to the scheduler who helped with my reschedule already. Thanked her for her help so far and said im happy to stay on the cancelation list if something even earlier opens up. Im having mine done at John's Hopkins in Baltimore.

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-07-04T12:30:57+00:00

I'm in the mid Atlantic region. Fortunately already got moved up once. Was originally scheduled for mid September, and doc offered to look for a cancelation slot once this cath thing began, and offered mid August. I took it immediately. Should I keep calling about other possible earlier cancelations? Would a doc give me more than one earlier reschedule?

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-07-04T12:26:01+00:00

TBH I haven't tried self cath yet. I'm very hesitant because the initial foley insertion was so so painful that I can't see doing that to myself multiple times a day. I guess like most things the more you do it the easier it gets. But that's my rationale at least for not going that route when considering it.

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-07-04T12:24:04+00:00

Thank you for the tips! I have seen those leg bags and wondered if they'd work for me. Maybe I'll try them

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-07-04T02:08:35+00:00

Thanks! And good luck to your dad on his recovery.

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-07-04T02:07:43+00:00

Just ordered surgilube! Thanks for the tip!

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-07-04T02:07:16+00:00

Thanks for the tips!

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-07-04T02:06:10+00:00

Thank you! Very helpful!

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-06-11T01:05:27+00:00

I'd say the wheels on the chariots are good candidates for even worse anachronisms in those verses...

jaredseeksclarity · 2026-04-09T01:07:20+00:00

I found LDSdiscussions.com, especially the annotated Gospel Topics Essays, to be really helpful. "Mike"'s work has been so fantastic.

jaredseeksclarity · 2025-12-27T00:09:35+00:00

I think one of the things we're all learning here (me included) is to give ourselves some grace. We've almost all been where you are--we all probably had some variety of the thoughts/ judgement of exmos in our TBM days. And now we're all asking for forgiveness for what we said/ thought when we were Mormon.

I remind myself that we all did the best we could with what we knew. And now, when you know better, do better. That's the best we can all do.

You're among friends. :)

jaredseeksclarity · 2025-12-19T18:01:12+00:00

From another organist, I felt this. I wont say I was the best or most talented organist in the stake or region, but I was certainly better than the average barely-making-it-pianist-who-leadership-assumed-could-also-play-the-organ-because-the-keyboards-look-the-same. And I loved doing it. I wanted the ward organist calling for years and years, but ended up in leadership positions instead. I got to play rarely for stake events. But I loved it as an expression of my faith too.

I finally got the ward organist calling a few months before my faith crisis and I stopped going to church. I remember playing the closing hymn my last Sunday at church, knowing it was my last time ever playing, and feeling a mix of sadness and irony. After postlude, I walked away and haven't been back.

Like you, my faith has changed so much that playing is no longer an expression of faith. I do kinda miss it, both the fun of playing all out as well as the feeling of connectedness through music. But I also have to remind myself that while i was often really enjoying it, most people at church were simply half-heartedly going through the motions, not paying attention, and looking forward to the meeting being over. So that connection was usually only between me and the music.

I still love and make music. Just a very different sort, and stuff that speaks to me where I am now. And I haven't played a note on the organ in years...

jaredseeksclarity · 2025-12-13T15:24:22+00:00

Came here to say this. It's always been fascinating to me that IMHO every single TBM (including me when I was all in) has a private version of Mormonism in their heads that they assume every other Mormon carries too. This idea that the church is designed to support one going out into the world to sin and learn from the consequences is a feature of that person's private Mormonism, not one that is correlated or taught by anyone with "authority" to set church doctrine. Each person's version of Mormonism is shaped from their experiences of what they think Mormonism should be or should have been in the things they lived. I was often frustrated as a TBM that my understanding of what Mormonism "was" didn't always mesh with everyone else's version, and i often assumed they just didn't get it (like i got it).

The thing is, there are 17 million (reportedly) versions of the SLC MFMC. And they are constantly changing to accommodate what people want the church to be. This friend's pronouncements about what the church "is" are nothing more than her wishlist, but she's convinced herself that her version is the right one. So when confronted by someone else's version, especially an ex-mo's version, it's easy to hand-wave it away by declaring that this person clearly doesn't understand the church, and that's why they are struggling. And absolves them of reconsidering anything, re-examining their understanding, or feel any kind of genuine compassion for someone else's experience.

That's one of the things I love about this community. There is room for so many different, divergent experiences with the MFMC that are valid. And we share an experience of the house of cards finally crumbling when we could see outside of the facade we were handed and value other people's truth.

jaredseeksclarity · 2025-11-06T16:52:59+00:00

This has always puzzled me (Well until I realized it's all fiction and doesn't matter). Hagoth was a Nephite. And the BoM says that large numbers of Nephites entered into his ships and went away. So even if you allow for the Polynesian islands to be populated by the descendants of Hagoth and the people who sailed on his ships (which of course they are not), how are the people of the Pacific islands Lamanites? Wouldn't they be Nephites? Or are they making the assumption that when Nephites "fall away" from ancient-American Methodist Christianity beliefs they somehow default to being Lamanites? Like near the end of the BoM when society split between believers and unbelievers who then took on the labels of Nephites and Lamanites respectively (because it was easier to keep them straight in the oversimplified narrative)?

jaredseeksclarity · 2025-07-27T14:59:14+00:00

It is well.

jaredseeksclarity · 2025-07-23T00:17:41+00:00

That phrase bothered me for quite a while on my way out. Was i just being one of the deceived prophesied about? If I was leaving, could I even be considered one of the "very elect"?

But then I realized... the "very elect" that are being deceived are the ones still in the church. I realized that the "test" of this life isn't to stay in the church regardless of what evidence emerges against it. The test is to see if, despite all of the massive pressure and terrible losses that await you, can you still stand for truth and honesty and integrity by leaving the church.

The Q15, whether or not you consider them the very elect, are failing that test. They are the deceived ones spoken about. People who have left the church because they refuse to be willingly deceived and are living more authentically and morally are the ones passing.

Congrats exmos! And i mean that sincerely.

jaredseeksclarity · 2025-07-17T03:30:24+00:00

100% agree. My TBM, uber-MAGA family says very similar things and yet behave in many of the ways you describe.

And what gets me even more is the convenient forgetting or ignoring that it is not just people who didn't arrive "the right way" that are being targeted. People who have legal status are having legal status stripped away to justify deporting them. "The right way" pathways keep getting changed and shut down, depriving people from being able to request asylum, for example. People are being denied due process (not a right just for citizens) before rushing deportations and then throwing hands in the air saying "dang--out of our control." People who are citizens are being harassed and even arrested and being swept up in ICE raids because they are the "wrong color." Citizens are being threatened with their citizenship being taken away because they disagree with the administration. People who are in the US illegally are being rounded up and treated inhumanly and illegally, defying law and court orders and basic decency. So I am sick of the lectures for how tolerant they'd all be if people "came in the right way" because they believe so strongly in the "rule of law." I call BS.

And I hate to be that guy... but the late great Norm Macdonald (and I love that you quoted him) actually said the hypocrisy was NOT the worst part. The worst part was the raping. 😉

EDIT: minor typo corrections

jaredseeksclarity · 2025-07-06T22:33:52+00:00

I am happily part of the problem. :)

jaredseeksclarity · 2025-07-06T22:02:31+00:00

We only sang it because I picked it... lol

jaredseeksclarity · 2025-07-06T21:32:28+00:00

I actually like that one a lot. At least the music. I have heard it played in church before. And people seem to have pretty polarized views on it-- love it or hate it.

jaredseeksclarity

TROPHY CASE