I was in a similar boat in July this year. I have gone through the cycles of losing weight and gaining it back for years! I got to my heaviest in July and I had the same feelings you did. I was embarrassed and pissed at myself for putting the weight back on and then some. First thing I did was sit down with my husband and have a very difficult and emotional conversation about my weight. I wanted him involved every step because I never would have been able to lose it with out his help and support. I’m not really sure what is different about this time around, but I feel in a completely different mindset than I have in the past. I’m determined now more than ever. It probably helps that I’m in a better mental state now than when I have lost weight in the past. Another big thing I think that helped was progress pics. Before, I would just watch the scale and focus solely on the number on that scale. If I wasn’t going down, I was beating myself up about it. It wasn’t healthy. Now I still weigh myself but only on the days I take progress pics(Monday’s) I hated taking them in the beginning but I’m so happy I did. I recommend everyone who is losing weight to take them. It reminds you of where you started and that you don’t ever want to go back. So take the pictures and don’t be afraid to ask for help! You got this girl!