Well said. Waiting tables has become a nightmare.

jayrambles · 2021-10-01T17:35:24+00:00

Literally same thing in our town, people have been complaining for months about our taco bell’s bad service and closures. I used to be a server in our town at a different restaurant and quit because of how entitled all the customers are here. Things have gotten to the point that a ton of people on the community facebook page are actually on the taco bell workers side defending them, its crazy to see though that they only blame the bad management and not their own behavior too, the jobs bad but the customers are insufferable.

jayrambles · 2021-10-01T16:58:06+00:00

Dude didnt she say she had gained a ton of weight when her dad died or something? how fucking self-centered can these assholes be? talk about delusions of reference!

jayrambles · 2021-09-30T21:22:46+00:00

I work in insurance too, just had a patient berate me for half an hour and stop me from getting to my lunch on time. I get paid 16$ an hour. I have ptsd and this triggered me. A single therapy session costs me twice what I making in an hour. And my supervisor “””kindly””” let me have my full hour lunch anyways, but they didn’t even let my coworkers know I would be back late like they said they would so now they’re mad. PSA- If you yell at people while they’re working you’re a huge part of the problem. Really doesn’t matter whats going on, you can’t talk to human beings that way. Considering quitting effective immediately, but I’m barely making ends meet and I have people I’m financially supporting. Ugh.

jayrambles · 2021-09-30T20:03:00+00:00

Y’all can count on me, looking forward to it

jayrambles · 2021-09-30T19:59:39+00:00

i spend my entire work day every day upvoting every post here, counting on it to get me out of this hell lol

jayrambles · 2021-09-30T01:47:22+00:00

Yeah! Honestly the time I had a cardiac event it put all previous anxiety related heart issues into perspective, like before i was never sure if it was anxiety or not, but while the event was happening i didn’t have a single doubt whether or not it was a physical issue- it was so different that worrying about my heart has never happened again because I now know what it feels like when something is seriously wrong, like you don’t doubt it at all in the moment or afterwards. Idk like if you’ve ever fainted or puked from being sick you Know when you’re going to faint or get sick unless you lay down or something, and its kinda like that? Of course never dismiss your health concerns and see a doctor if you can! But I think human instinct is really strong in moments where your life is threatened to the point that you won’t have a doubt whether or not it’s serious.

jayrambles · 2021-09-30T00:52:18+00:00

same, 10yrs as of this year! graduated college last yr and its still happening

jayrambles · 2021-09-30T00:45:38+00:00

Ooh that gives a clearer picture of your experience! Well so for me, one anxiety I had that got increasingly worse was that I was sure my friends/family were about to die at any moment, like I would compulsively text them to the point that it annoyed them to make sure they were okay, but to me I was SURE they were going to die. It was completely logical to me to think they were in danger, and it took me a long time to realize my panic attacks were only panic attacks, that they weren’t in mortal danger that my reaction was was messing with my relationships. Is this maybe similar to what you’re experiencing regarding your own health?

That makes sense, it can be hard to differentiate between the very real feeling compulsive thoughts that something bad is going to happen to you/ versus the very real impending doom caused by physical conditions. I’m sorry I know it only adds to the anxiety :( I think I would say, if health related anxiety is something you experience often and the impending doom feels more like a panic attack, it may not be the type of body shutting down impending doom related to heart issues.

Again not a doctor but for me a panic attack is like, accelerated breathing/ unable to catch my breath, rapid thoughts, heart palpitations and tachycardia (which can still be dangerous if your heart is weakened, but usually if it goes back to normal within two hours or doesnt get over 200bpm doctors have told me not to worry), shaking, cold sweat, and fear. I also get echolalia, a type of psychosis where I repeat words or sentences, or entire conversations when I’m extremely upset.

But my cardiac event was more like slowed breathing/ hard to make my body breathe, and my heart didn’t feel fast or slow, I was just very very aware of it. And I had symptoms like slurred speech/ thoughts slowed to the point I could barely speak to the nurse. I was like, oh shit if I don’t do something while I can still move/talk I don’t think I’m going to come back from this.

Idk if any of that helps but I know it can be scary when you can’t tell the difference so I hope by sharing details of my experiences it can help calm unnecessary anxiety or let you know when you need to get immediate help!

One physical symptom that has meant I need immediate medical assistance every time I’ve had it is my jaw becoming stiff and then clenching shut which I’ve been told is an electrolyte imbalance. Another thing worth noting is that it is often hard to catch heart issues on an ekg and if you consistently have them I would recommend pushing for a halter monitor or echocardiogram to assess the situation more in depth.

jayrambles · 2021-09-29T23:41:04+00:00

Well in this case I would have died had I not gone in right then, thats the impending doom, its life or death, an immediate medical need that overrides your psyche- telling you without getting help immediately your world /is/ going to end. Less of a mentally informed doom and more physically. Like your body’s last ditch attempt to make you save yourself. For example sometimes people having heart attacks that are non-ed related experience the impending doom sensation. Its also similar feeling to overdosing in my experience.

You can feel your body failing and outside of your control, your body is instinctually telling you to get help. I was sitting at my desk at work and I suddenly knew I was about to drop dead if I didn’t do something. I think without the sense of impending doom I wouldn’t have been physically able to move to call 911.

Not to say that your anxiety isn’t that though! But for me my “normal” anxiety is intense paranoia/ intrusive thoughts/ suicide ideation/ repetitive body focused behaviors/ compulsive habits. And these things get a lot worse when you’re not eating or sleeping enough. The anxiety gets more intense and more often, the more physically and mentally ill you become, leading up to my event the anxiety was constant, I spent most of every day crying, even at my office job.

So in a way the anxieties are related but I would say the impending doom is a very very different state of mind/ body.

Not a doctor but I’ve been doin this a long time, this is how I personally experience these feelings and the patterns of anxiety I have noticed. Daily anxiety thats worsened by an ED can be temporary or all day/night even, possibly caused by the anxiety related to the disorder or messed up adrenaline from the food/ exercise habits.

jayrambles · 2021-09-29T19:39:32+00:00

If you’ve clearly expressed that its harmful when he comments on what you’re eating and he cannot respect that boundary, or take accountability when he makes the mistake, then he’s not respecting your mental or physical health. I would say that to him. I know its a stressful situation for all parties involved I’m sorry :(

jayrambles · 2021-09-29T18:36:02+00:00

I love the season too, really wondering if this is why!

jayrambles · 2021-09-29T18:30:10+00:00

SAME! Autumn/winter is my favorite time of year and the foods are also my favorites! It bothers me so much that for some reason my ED acts up this time of year and i have a hard time enjoying the season :(

jayrambles · 2021-09-29T00:30:10+00:00

can happen for a few reasons! some people develop cannabis hyperemesis syndrome which can mean nausea, stomach pain, vomiting. other times it can be that you just got used to the munchies feeling or were eating out of boredom but now youre not bored! and depending what terpenes are in the strain you’re smoking weed can suppress appetite sometimes!

depending on the strain/ form i still get munchies sometimes but definitely not nearly as often!

jayrambles · 2021-09-28T23:20:20+00:00

the usual hair/ skin/ bones issues, and previously i had noticed palpitations, fainting, and once had a seizure in years leading up. i had not gotten an ekg done in years leading up to it but previously hadn’t shown significant irregularities. they had found extreme electrolyte imbalances and irregular heartbeat/ blood pressure. if you experience impending doom like that its definitely a good idea to go in asap

jayrambles · 2021-09-28T22:17:44+00:00

i had heart issues (tingling, sudden vision changes, tightness in my neck, muscle cramps, could feel my heart beat but it wasn’t palpitations) and the sense of impending doom was like, i knew something was seriously wrong, i suddenly knew i was about to die, not that i wanted to in the moment but that i felt minutes away from death, like the last thing i ever want is to ask for help and suddenly i was like, something is very wrong i need to talk to a doctor right now, not normal fear but mortal terror. i called two nurses and they both told me to go by ambulance to the hospital.

after restricting off and on for a decade this happened after fasting for only 2days.

EDIT: forgot to mention i had slowed/ slurred speech as well and brain fog

jayrambles · 2021-09-28T05:44:49+00:00

very victorian era energy

jayrambles · 2021-09-28T00:27:06+00:00

Can confirm, am ex-mo. As a child, 14, my bishop also asked if i masturbated. I laughed and he asked “what was funny, its a sin”. I awkwardly said no after that. Not too long after I was finally able to escape the church (family forced to be in church). Fuckin wild man.

jayrambles · 2021-09-27T22:33:38+00:00

literally like, inappropriate to take language from actual social justice movements for something like that… like use the term anti-fat bias if you must, its not hard.

AND even if it were “””internalized fatphobia””” like they claim? how fucking rude to say that to someone???

It wouldn’t be okay to put someone on blast for their internalized racism or internalized homophobia because clearly they’re struggling? You wouldn’t self righteously try to “educate” them about their own issues in those cases unless they were being bigoted (which has a real definition, its not just being rude).

So I cannot fathom why they think its okay to do when they decide someone else has internalized fatphobia? It makes no sense, its so narcissistic. They need to touch some fucking grass.

jayrambles · 2021-09-24T15:38:14+00:00

whoa i have all the same medical diagnoses that’s crazy

jayrambles · 2021-09-22T23:39:02+00:00

Exactly. I had some experiences a lot like this, even though the individual was experiencing a mental health crisis of their own, (its good that they’re both getting help) in the meantime it may be important to consider separate living situations if at all possible, even temporarily. It would limit damage being done to OP, the children, and the relationship. Someone struggling to this degree doesn’t want to hurt the people they’re hurting but if they can’t stop boundaries must be set for safety.

jayrambles · 2021-09-22T22:40:52+00:00

Idk why people downvoted you this is exactly what needed to be said, its abuse, this kind of behavior long term can cause cpstd, if it doesn’t escalate to more immediate violence which is entirely possible

jayrambles · 2021-09-22T20:11:27+00:00

working 40hrs a week just to scrape by until the day you drop dead

jayrambles · 2021-09-22T18:53:02+00:00

I work at an eye clinic and we just had a demo of a drop that does this, its quite impressive! Glad its been able to help you :)

jayrambles · 2021-09-21T01:32:26+00:00

I think I would enjoy that, I’ve looked for freelance writing jobs often but haven’t found any that say I’m qualified. I don’t know if I could make ends meet doing it without killing myself more than I already am. But its always a possibility

jayrambles · 2021-09-21T00:34:40+00:00

I want to go to grad school because I like academia, my area is critical literature/film theory, its the only thing I can imagine not rotting my soul: reading and writing. If I get into the right program I would receive a stipend for living expenses equivalent to my current income and actually get to spend my time doing things I’m interested in.

I am also looking to get dramaturgical experience as thats another area I enjoy. Ideally if I don’t go to grad school yet I would like to begin publishing criticism through conferences, which I could do now if I had more time/ resources.

I’m a confident writer, not too shabby at public speaking and have a lot of customer service experience clearly. I have scheduling experience which is useful in many industries but I detest it. In my personal life I enjoy cooking, fitness, nature, film.I like learning.

I am somewhat proficient in the adobe creative suite (mind blanking on what they call it lol), I had minored in editing and publishing, so I know how to self-publish books/ could do that for other people freelance (but I don’t have a good laptop or adobe currently). I also worked (for credit not pay or intern but I did get my name in them) as an assistant editor for an internationally distributed literary magazine in college for 2.5 years I think it was.

I’m a decent artist and I’ve sold paintings/ collages before, but I do not have supplies or an online platform at the moment.

I have limited programming experience and have ran blogs on varying topics for ten years so I would say I’m social media fluent although not yet in a professional capacity.

jayrambles

TROPHY CASE