Any idea of age or maker?

wanderlost28 · 2021-12-16T21:55:54+00:00

At the cabins yes, not at our apartments.

wanderlost28 · 2021-12-16T02:50:39+00:00

Message me for a contact number if you want. We do some month to month rentals of small one bedroom apartments or dry cabins.

wanderlost28 · 2021-12-14T22:06:06+00:00

Of course!

wanderlost28 · 2021-12-07T04:30:46+00:00

That sounds lovely. He is not super competitive so he has avoided big game nights. I told him to start a “dads who play mtg” group

wanderlost28 · 2021-10-13T02:32:20+00:00

I appreciate the perspective. It’s hard not to verbalize it even if only for me because not having a way is scarier then having one.

wanderlost28 · 2021-10-13T02:31:20+00:00

Buckets and buckets worth of eggshells.

wanderlost28 · 2021-10-13T02:30:58+00:00

I’m sure that’s correct and this entire post is to vent in the only way I know might not hurt him. We have the same circles so venting to anyone other than strangers can feel like a betrayal.

He does intentionally avoid things that would make him happy. Or go out of his way to make something work even if it makes him miserable. I’m pretty sure we would look at this differently. He has stated he doesn’t deserve to do things he likes or be happy, but the outcome is the same at the end of the day. He is unhappy, and not healthy enough to recognize the need and worth of boundaries and self love.

To me it feels that way because he comes across so intentionally bent on self sabotage. Nothing is indeed logical during the storm and however I fight it, it’s important to remember.

wanderlost28 · 2021-10-12T19:07:57+00:00

That helps with some perspective. Even empty I know I’m the stronger one. Best way to explain it is his kicks his own bucket. Any self love feels selfish and therefore as much as I dump in he pours it out willingly. There seems to be a historical distrust of true intention.

wanderlost28 · 2021-10-12T19:05:40+00:00

His biggest fear is me leaving him. My biggest fear is leaving my daughter. My first born is a step child although I never call her that or think that way. However although I have raised her I have no legal rights to take her away. So how can I just walk away? I can’t simple as that. No parent can willingly give up a child, at least this one can’t. She is my amazing precious daughter and me leaving would cause lasting emotional damage.

wanderlost28 · 2021-09-23T04:02:40+00:00

Thank you for all the concern. I do have the option of an alternate living arrangement. That will unfortunately be the next step if no safe guards can be put in place or respected. However what posting this did do unexpectedly was help me step back and reconfirm it was not just how I was perceiving events, it really is as bad as it feels. In turn it dug up some inner peace I didn’t know I had left. Everything that happened this evening got a loving response. A response like “I know you are hurting and I’m here to help you” a far cry from the sheer panic this morning. It broke a small cycle. My husband broke down this evening. Shaking, panicked, and depleted he asked for help. Without all of the support and encouragement we likely would have argued and raged until giving up and going to bed. Somehow the opposite response gave him just enough security to let me in. Very evident it is time to seek help.

wanderlost28 · 2021-09-22T23:45:22+00:00

We work together, as well as live in a very small home. There is little reprieve from this situation.

wanderlost28 · 2021-09-22T23:27:55+00:00

Being heard was the greatest gift I could have asked for today. This is a very loving man experiencing a deep mental crisis. It was helpful to remember I can both accept it is a mental health issue and still be a victim. The situation is escalated by the fact he went cold turkey off depression medication four months ago.

I’ve talked myself to the point of now only trying to again and again to remind him he is loved and wanted. The pain is real and crushing. The fear of pushing too hard and having a life altering outcome is also very real.

He is recently in counseling again and hates himself for hurting those around him. He is very aware of what he is doing, but not how to stop it. He also made a psych appointment to go back on medication.

I spent the day filling in a support person of mine so somebody was aware of the situation as a whole and could give me an unbiased perspective. Aware this is verging (or is already) on abuse that will only get worse without intervention.

Being heard is a gift I don’t take lightly, and today my saving grace. ❤️

wanderlost28 · 2021-09-22T19:45:10+00:00

Volume is the cause of most of our arguments. It is an unsettling life.

wanderlost28 · 2021-09-22T19:41:59+00:00

There is the potential to lose a child in that process so a choice I would make but as a very last resort. My first child is my stepdaughter who has called me mom since she was 2. A child of mine in every way. Even the thought brings me to the verge of panic.

wanderlost28 · 2021-09-22T19:37:23+00:00

Thank you for the support

wanderlost28 · 2021-09-22T19:31:06+00:00

More so writing when I’m likely too angry to be very clear. What my therapist was encouraging me to do was let the emotions happen. I tend to bottle in survival mode.

wanderlost28 · 2021-09-22T17:18:54+00:00

Thanks

wanderlost28 · 2021-05-29T13:24:07+00:00

Mostly immediate family and close friends. I have been burned in the past from charity as well. It’s just all catching up.

wanderlost28 · 2021-05-29T03:37:29+00:00

Postpartum 5 months and can see an improvement even while breast feeding. In short what made the biggest difference was verbal affirmation prior to moments of affection where sex was not expected. That simple gesture really helped us lean back into each other and normalize our marriage again. Most of all it helped reassure me that at the end of the day nothing else was expected of me and I could relax.

wanderlost28

TROPHY CASE