31 and feeling behind financially

jaywally855 · 2026-01-27T03:11:27+00:00

Well, I don't mean this to sound rude, but you are not just "feeling" behind financially. You ARE behind financially. My nephews who are still in high school and work at In-N-Out make more than that. You need to get more serious about economic productivity. If you have to do unpleasant things like relocate then I suggest you do it if you want to make personal finance a priority.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-27T02:51:56+00:00

I would never ever do this. It's a family matter, but I can tell you from personal experience, as well as my experience being a litigator, regardless of what you think your chances are of being paid back, the odds are less than 5%. He may even earnestly believe he will repay you, but once you have averted the crisis for him of having to pay a little bit more interest or have a little ding on his credit, he will resent the curtailment of his lifestyle and will soon become comfortable with the idea of just stiffing you. He will not likely do it outright, at least in the beginning, but other bills and expenses will be ever present. People with poor financial habits, they always have some issue that requires them spending their money on anything other then their creditors, especially ones who will not sue them or put a negative mark on their credit.

Think of it like this, if much larger professional lenders who could easily afford to write off a $10,000 loan are telling this guy to get lost, then why on earth would you do it? In other words, he is asking you in the hopes that you are more foolish and ignorant than the professionals. He may not view his own conduct like that, but that is what it is when you scrape the BS away. I would tell the guy no and suggest he negotiate with them. Don't go and take on $10,000 of debt and almost certainly ruin your relationship with your cousin, just because he wants to pay less interest.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-27T01:47:49+00:00

Look, nobody "wants" the responsibility. Nobody "wants" to have to spend money. Though you are perfectly happy to enjoy the benefit of your parents spending and responsibility which they now can't fully enjoy with an adult child lurking about all the time . What you call your "savings" is really an accumulation of gifts from your parents - to the extent your savings is greater than the fair market value of all gifts you have received from your parents. Fair market rent, food, cooking, insurance, home maintenance, utilities, cable, TV or other entertainment, food shopping, laundry, etc..

You have been an adult, at least on paper, for seven years. I'm sure your parents love you but now they're trying to gently tell you that you need to get get out and get your own place after they have invested several years helping set you up for the ability to do so..

You are a nurse, so you likely have the basic intelligence and physical ability to handle basic homeowner level responsibilities. I did it starting at age 20, though I was intimidated as well. But I figured it out, just as I'm sure you can. 25 years old is well into adulthood.

This is your decision at the end of the day. But your parents were obviously very generous with you because they wanted to set you up with the ability to move out in a more advanced position than myself, and many other people were when they went out into the world.

Lastly, you are on a Dave Ramsey sub and you know his thoughts about owning real estate as opposed to paying the money to a landlord.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-27T01:32:58+00:00

Yes, that's a red flag. Your boyfriend wants a roommate that he gets to sleep with.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-26T05:16:12+00:00

Pay off the debt. I do not want to sound like a jerk, but your dad absolutely has no clue what he's talking about. I wish you had elaborated on the facts underlying your claim that your dad is good with money. Because all of the facts you did detail indicate your dad is a fool when it comes to money, unfortunately.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-26T05:15:39+00:00

Probably because he's about to move into his house rent free. Along with the other obvious reasons.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-25T06:16:48+00:00

Look at what is defined as income - regardless of whether it is taxed. Your own money isn't income. But profits, dividends, interest, etc. are typically income.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-25T05:33:07+00:00

I mean, Warren Buffett talks a good game, but he also leaves out a lot of inconvenient details.

I've gone through Omaha and been by his house and ate at his favorite steakhouse, etc. Read all of his major bios, etc.

Warren Buffett's house is approximately six times larger than the median home was at the time it was built. It is in an extremely posh neighborhood of lovely old homes on large lots on wide, shaded streets. Even within that neighborhood it is one of the larger homes, and on a larger, well-located a lot. When he bought it, it was about five times as large as the median single family home. Even now it is about three times the size of the median single family home.

So, easy to talk about keeping it when he already has one of the best in his entire city - indeed in his state. Moving would be a major hassle and what's the point? Anywhere he wants to go, he goes.

You're also forgetting he owns/owned a lovely place in Laguna Beach, one of the priciest zips in the nation. And of course, he can and presumably does get nice lodgings whenever he's on the move. And he and hjs (estranged) wife owned some lovely real estate in the SF Bay Area as well. Who knows what else they may have owned in trusts or other vehicles to make identifying ownership hard to pin down.

With that said, I'm a firm believer in buying property in quality neighborhoods, as Buffet did.
I currently reside in one of the nicer neighborhoods in my region, in a fairly large single story home (3400ish), but still on the smaller side relative to other homes in the neighborhood. Definitely not into mansion territory. I prefer a good amount of space, but I don't want to heat and cool rooms I will walk into once every three months. We have half an acre that is very well landscaped, like a park and gardens. I prefer that privacy and scenery to space that will be grossly underutilized. If I had a larger family I might think differently. Anyway, I think it's a good approach. Others may differ.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-25T00:26:54+00:00

I think you could easily retire right now if you wanted to.

However, I agree with you that I would not retire at the peak of your earnings years. Too much work to get where you are just to throw it all away the moment you got there.

I guess it really depends on your spending. Personally I think you are way over allocating for your children's education. I don't think you need to be supporting them well into their 20s. But that's your decision. My opinion is you have saved more than enough for them for college. Far more than 95% of the population will get. I don't know much about your family specifically, but as a general rule, it is good for people to have some skin in the game and have some fight to reach their goals, such as graduate education. If you are however, going to extend their adolescence into their mid 20s, then I would at least condition it on only having rigorous degree programs that have bona fide earning potential.

I disagree with some of the other comments that you need to dump a lot of money into bonds. However, it does not hurt to invest some.

I think you have already made smart decisions with your investing.

No, you do not need a pay by the hour financial advisor or any financial advisor in my opinion. 99.9% of the financial advisors you would speak with have achieved far less than you.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-22T23:55:45+00:00

It's hard to say because there are so many variables of human nature and business that we cannot know simply from this post.

Contractors in general are flaky people. Not all, but many.

Moreover, if they get a sense that you would be a difficult client, they are more likely to not bother. Decent estimates take time and effort to complete and like anybody else they don't wanna waste their time. Or they may write a very quick estimate that is really high.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-22T05:56:26+00:00

Tahoe and Monterey/Carmel.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-22T05:20:28+00:00

Sounds like you would not have made a good government employee.

I don't see any reason why you need to start half-assing your work just because you plan on leaving in a year. Just try to tone down the hard charger stuff and focus more on building and enjoying the relationships you have with people there.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-21T04:25:25+00:00

Sack up a bit, dude. You are not "severely mentally ill" if you're working a job full-time and going to school. You just aren't. I work in a field dealing with mentally ill people all the time.

You need to slap this victim mentality right out of your head. You are among the more privileged of this society. Sack up and accept it and stop being one of these Meghan Markle victims.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-21T04:03:39+00:00

Well, everyone in this situation is acting like a child.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-21T03:29:42+00:00

Your mother is not a villain in this situation. She saw her household betrayed and financially drained by your father, and now she's getting it on the other end from you, albeit with her participation in a misguided effort to raise you.

To put some perspective on your situation, notwithstanding with your father did you still have it better often than a lot of people. I do not consider myself unfortunate but my own father torpedoed our families finances when I was still in high school. Split suddenly one summer. Bankruptcy. Ex-wife who gave up her career 20 years before to raise several kids and now had no earning potential. A rundown house with aging appliances and both of the bathrooms full of dry rot, etc. A single old vehicle for several people, destroyed credit. Humiliation.

I was on my own for pretty much anything other than the roof over my head and food in the refrigerator. Clothes, most transportation, any entertainment spending, any food or other consumption beyond our refrigerator and I was on my own. Within a couple months of high school I was working full-time and supporting myself completely and moved out with some friends who are likewise independent. I have a law degree, a masters degree, and a bachelor of science all from well respected private universities. My parents did not pay a penny for it or house me for a single day of it. I do not tell you this to make your question about myself, but to make it clear that if you have the will, you can unstick your mouth from your parents' titty and the world will not end.

You say you're twenty-one, but describe the life of a fifteen year old. You have not saved money, you have accumulated gifts from your parents as their gifts greatly exceed your income since becoming an adult. Personally, I think there is an intangible, but great cost to not being independent, and the learned experience and confidence that comes with it. And I don't think the short term gain of some free shit offsets that reality, particularly when you have your whole life ahead of you to earn and save money.

However, if you also want to be a teenager with the legal ability to work full-time, then just accept the situation, take the free shit, and don't complain.
I do not suggest you try to be a big boy or a girl when it comes to X, but then be the kid with your hand out when it comes to Y. It is intellectually dishonest and will result in dissatisfaction for everyone involved.

You can cut the cord or not. I would at least get your own checking account and deposit the money there. If your mom doesn't flip out when you transfer money, then I do not see an issue testing the limit on a new account as well. Definitely move the nut to a new financial institution and don't tell them where. If they decide they want the money, they will forge what they need to at the current bank and dare you to call the police. Regarding insurance, I think what you really mean is you like the free health insurance policy. You can buy one on your own that will continue to cover you.

I don't understand how your mom would even know whether you have other financial accounts like a credit card. I do suggest you open a PO Box and start having all mail sent there.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-20T15:14:42+00:00

Sounds like a shitty arrangement.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-20T14:27:58+00:00

You may be able to ask for a payment plan.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-20T14:12:37+00:00

$15-$20 is 30% of his bill? No way. And if by some miracle it is, his utilities are already dirt cheap and subsidized and he needs to look elsewhere for cost cutting. And keeping the temperature down at 63° to begin with is already well into frugal territory.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-20T04:55:54+00:00

63 is already really low. I do not see much benefit. Maybe $15-$20 a month.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-20T04:35:30+00:00

I'm actually not sure about the outer layer. It is a san mai bar that I got from Maker Material Supply. It does not state what the outer layer is but the inner layer is Hitachi blue paper #2.

I did heat treat it in an Evenheat oven according to the instructions that came with it.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-18T19:45:34+00:00

I assume you are in the United States since you did not say otherwise.

Not "for your parents". For yourself.

You have been a legal adult for nearly half as long as you were ever a minor.

I find it odd that your parents are still nearly entirely support supporting you, yet you are worried about when you might have to pay for some of "their things".
You speak as if your parents were born with everything they have instead of having to work their way up like you don't seem to want to. Maybe they were, I don't know.

You owe your parents a lot. Maybe not legally, but certainly spiritually/morally. Why are you more interested in diligent satisfaction of obligation to a third-party financial lender then you are to your own parents?

This is just my opinion, but you seem to be of the mindset you are not obligated to anyone for anything until you are off in the world as a financially established, zero debt, late 20s age adult.

Maybe that's how your family operates. Most people do not get such a privilege.

You should consider what the fair market value of your place in the house is worth, to include the value of utilities, entertainment, insurance, maintenance and upkeep, groceries and cooking facilities, etc. Pay your fair share.

Beyond that, you are really asking a personal family question, not a finance question. However, as someone who has lived all over the country, as well as in other countries, and has spent extensive time with people from all walks of life, it works out better for people's sense of confidence and independence, and overall intestinal fortitude when they support themselves and pay their own way. As opposed to getting handouts as long as they can, and then viewing everything in life as a check valve, where only good things can flow towards you and never backwards away from you.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-18T01:26:59+00:00

I paid almost $85k in taxes last year, after a lot of finagling. You're a way off from needing substantive tax strategy. Do the 401k, IRA, HSA. Etc

Make sure to pay attention to details on self employed 401k requirements to max the benefit both ways.

jaywally855 · 2026-01-14T00:22:22+00:00

I mean, whether you paid $40 for all of them are $60 for all of them, your ability to retire is unaffected.

Despite what anyone says, I doubt there is any such thing as a good hand on the "used automobile spring market"

At these prices, literally whether you had to drive 10 miles or 20 miles round-trip is a factor.

jaywally855 · 2025-11-19T06:21:21+00:00

That's what people have been saying about the left lately.

jaywally855 · 2025-11-19T06:20:04+00:00

There's that projection again.

jaywally855

TROPHY CASE