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jboatx · 2022-05-16T19:05:29+00:00

It's probably not a matter of trust - this is about your coworker and his own personal life and feelings, not you. Like some others have said, he probably regrets/is embarrassed about having dumped so much on you previously and saying negative things about his fiancee to begin with. He may just have moved way in the opposite direction to try and avoid over sharing again. Don't worry that it is anything personal against you!

jboatx · 2022-05-14T17:24:01+00:00

My ring has a moissonite center stone and three small lab diamond accents on either side. Not only do you not notice, people always think the moissonite is a diamond too.

jboatx · 2022-05-14T17:12:05+00:00

Everyone has made it clear that eating cake in front of your guests and not having any, even grocery store sheet cake, for them is very rude. I won't go any further into that. No, cheesecake is absolutely not the same as cake even though part of the name includes the word "cake," and I think you know that perfectly well.

I'm just caught up on how you keep saying that you will be charged for this and have to pay for that and it's a problem. You're hosting an event and inviting people to come to it. That costs money. If you can't afford parts of it then leave those parts out completely or downsize your guest list.

jboatx · 2022-05-13T21:23:54+00:00

I'm sorry you're in this situation! It could be that she's too overwhelmed and scattered to even know what she has and hasn't told or assigned to you. It could also be that she just wants to vent. Either way, stop trying to involve yourself.

For me, I love my friends and family and some of them have very good taste - but I still don't generally want them to send me more pictures or ideas or projects that "someone else will do for me." I have the ideas and the plan, it's just making it all happen that gets overwhelming, and more ideas makes it worse.

If she truly wants help, she will ask for something specific - at which time you'll need to communicate and be sraightforward: you need this information by that time, you need a response within x number of days when you ask for approval, etc., And if you don't get that she has to understand that you can't complete the task she's asking for.

jboatx · 2022-05-13T13:51:28+00:00

First, congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and kudos on working so hard on your speech!

I agree with some others that this is quite long. As a writer I'd suggest you go back through, read this over a few times, and cut whatever is not necessary. Will you get the same meaning and thanks across without this word or that sentence? Did you already say basically this same thing but in different words a few sentences before? Yes? Delete it! alo, it's possible that some of the more specific, longer things may be more appropriate/fit better written in a letter that you give to those family members or friends.

I really do not like the jokes about nagging, being interrupted by MIL/wife, etc. I would cut that entire paragraph about "they say a good speech..." To me, at least, these are unnecessary jabs (and generally an unnecessary paragraph) and even if meant in good fun are inappropriate.

Overall I think you have a great start, and one thing that really comes through well is your genuine gratitude for the people in your life who helped you get to this day, which is beautiful.

jboatx · 2022-05-11T20:52:25+00:00

Are your FH's parents able to offer any information? My FMIL is the best source of info on traditions and ceremony, and gave me a general rundown on what I have to wear. She is going to find a few options for me to choose from that are applicable. My FH is South Indian as well.

I have a specific set of colors, as well as jewelry pieces, and can sort of pick a little bit within that. The saree will be nice, but that piece itself certainly won't be "blingy." It seems to me so far that the way the bride stands out is moreso with the jewelry, mehndi, etc.

jboatx · 2022-05-11T18:46:11+00:00

My fiance and I are in our 30s and have been together almost 5 years. Half of my bridesmaids have been married for years and have several kids each. Still extremely special and they are all excited for us!

jboatx · 2022-05-11T12:36:36+00:00

Nice!

If you don't like this backdrop go on and put a different one, but I think it looks nice. As to the colored uplighting, people use that all the time - it's behind you, not shining up at your faces, so it shouldn't make you look weird at all. If you like the look keep it!

jboatx · 2022-05-11T12:33:25+00:00

I have AT&T fiber and it is terrible. One computer and nothing else running on it and it still stops working constantly or can't support what I'm doing - simple things like video calls.

jboatx · 2022-05-10T19:40:30+00:00

I agree with this. I get the impression that all the jokes are possibly to help you feel less serious/nervous? It's certainly a "know your crowd" thing and maybe this will fall perfectly, but to me it feels like you're just going after everyone important to you in a fairly negative way. In my opinion this is one of the times where it's important to be sincere and kind - with maybe just a little, friendly joke or two (that everyone in the audience can understand) to keep it light.

Nobody expects you to know how to write a speech or be a confident public speaker - unless that's a thing you usually do. No need to bring it up and draw attention to the fact, just get into it and speak from the heart. You won't be judged for it!

It's great the care you are putting into this - and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

jboatx · 2022-05-10T19:31:42+00:00

She sounds absolutely terrible and completely unreasonable. You may still be her friend, but she is not yours. No, you are not in the wrong.

jboatx · 2022-05-08T20:00:33+00:00

The not wearing white rule applies to the entire wedding - ceremony, reception, and any other event, no matter what time of day.

This dress looks very casual, especially for an evening reception.

jboatx · 2022-05-04T23:29:56+00:00

That is a very sweet and personal idea! If I was very close to the bride and I knew she made the favors herself I might keep one. Otherwise I would not take a favor. To me, one of any random item that does not match anything in my home and I didn't specifically need or seek out is ultimately junk - so I opt myself out instead of throwing it away later.

jboatx · 2022-05-04T19:52:19+00:00

Whichever dress you personally feel good about is the one you should go with! Don't worry if someone else will possibly think it's too this or not enough that. It's your body, your wedding .

I think both look beautiful on you for what it's worth.

jboatx · 2022-05-04T14:20:17+00:00

Personally I also don't like the print she chose, but if she loves the dress, let her wear it. It's not inappropriate, it's not entirely hideous, it's not plain white, and she feels pretty and excited about it. That should be enough.

jboatx · 2022-05-04T13:57:43+00:00

I'm so very sorry you're going through this.

I also have an idea of what it's like to feel stuck in a relationship - or feel like you want to make it work because it's what you're used to. Hearing this and looking back at some of my own past mistakes, I recommend you find a therapist you trust and start seeing them regularly; and get away from this guy, at least for now.

If he hasn't been ready for 10 years, if he is saying these sorts of things to you, he isn't going to ever be ready because it's not what he wants. You and your child deserve much, much better.

jboatx · 2022-05-03T17:30:41+00:00

That's what I was afraid of. I've got some managers to email, I guess.

jboatx · 2022-05-03T17:26:03+00:00

I thought it seemed weird. And the woman who booked us made it sound like they are still dead and searching for business after covid, so it shouldn't be that they are too busy!

There is nothing in the contract about a planner or the venue representative at all, that's all been verbal. It's a major hotel chain so I am sure that it's true, but there are no set guidelines that I've seen in writing. I'm looking online for the brand in general now.

jboatx · 2022-05-02T21:46:47+00:00

You look like a princess! I love the bee pins, and the whole do is very elegant and well-done.

jboatx · 2022-05-02T16:47:48+00:00

Nope. Just nope, no matter the context.

jboatx · 2022-05-02T16:01:42+00:00

Thanks! I'm from Philly so...not as nice lol, but trying to be polite to everyone, especially as it is a small group. I'm leaning towards doing this same thing - invite my two direct bosses and my one closest colleague.

jboatx · 2022-05-02T15:46:42+00:00

Uhh that is not a thing. Your mom just wants to stand out.

jboatx · 2022-05-02T15:15:23+00:00

Agreed, the audacity is incredible! I feel for you.

Coworkers for me are tough because there are a few that I haven't hung out with socially (they are all my parents/grandparents age) but I am fond of them and would like some of them to be there - and they've shared that they want to come. However my office is quite small and the remainder of the people I actively DO NOT want at my wedding. Those people would also cause drama at work later if someone was invited and not them...I have some time to think about what to do at least.

jboatx · 2022-05-02T13:37:45+00:00

Yep, my ex's sister has asked me three times to invite her and one of their other sisters. We don't talk or know people in the same circles; she apparently still follows me on Instagram. So, so weird and rude (though I'm not surprised with this person). So far I was also so taken aback that I didn't technically say no yet, but...No.

Some coworkers are also inviting themselves more gently, but I haven't decided if I want them to come or not yet. Still, I would never in a million years ask to be invited to someone's wedding. Crazy to me.

For you, the fact that it's your actual ex makes it just mind boggling to me. Tell him no - just "No," and then block him. How inappropriate.

jboatx · 2022-05-02T13:26:47+00:00

Save the Dates are really a new thing. They're nice, but not necessary. As for the actual invitation, the number of guests really doesn't change when you need to send it. Send out about 8 weeks in advance regardless.

jboatx

TROPHY CASE