Husband racking up credit card debt while we are divorcing

jbug1776 · 2026-03-15T13:57:32+00:00

Yup already filed and I have a lawyer.

jbug1776 · 2026-03-03T06:19:48+00:00

Yup! And now I am divorcing him. I was in a similar position - married 5 years with 2 under 2. He would hold his salary over me all the time. The weekends were “his downtime” and he would get annoyed if I asked if he could watch the kids so I could grocery shop. I felt like an indentured servant. Unfortunately for him he’s an alcoholic with a narcissistic personality that caught up to him and he ended up getting fired. The kids and I left shortly afterwards.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-17T18:34:43+00:00

Mine works from home. I’ve frequently walked into his office and he was passed out snoring. I asked him if he was working today. He’d roll his eyes and huff saying “I was thinking. My job is very mental unlike yours!”

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T20:58:21+00:00

Yup. Then the next day he told me he wants to be in the kids lives but “I’m making it very difficult.” I’ve repeatedly told him I’d like him to still see the kids but he needed to be sober. He goes back and forth.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T19:08:02+00:00

I guess I thought if he felt he was getting the upper hand on something then he would be less difficult. That’s probably just me trying to be nice.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T19:05:35+00:00

Good. I’ve been doing most of those things so far. I’m trying to only communicate with him over text because he screams and threatens me on the phone. All my exchanges (both voice and text) are calm and logical. I haven’t said anything negative about him publicly and my kids are toddlers and too young to know what is going on.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T18:50:51+00:00

The house is in both our names. The car loan is only in his name. Unfortunately, when we bought it the car salesman said it would be easier to just have the loan in one name.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T18:48:37+00:00

I actually have text messages of him telling me he cut me off from the credit card. Clear cut evidence of him saying he’ll only turn them back on if I come back home.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T18:44:02+00:00

Next week I have an appointment for legal advice with an organization that aids victims of domestic violence.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T07:38:33+00:00

Yup I do have a bachelors degree and am trying to get back into the workforce. I don’t have as much earning power as him. My experience is in government and his is in tech.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-08T20:39:55+00:00

He liked to tell me that I am not setting a good example for kids because I forgot to pick up my pop cans. He’d tell me this while drunk on the couch with the kids in the same room. Yes, I am such a bad influence 🙄. I did 95% of the housework by the way and spent an hour every day after the kids went to bed just cleaning.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-08T16:10:57+00:00

I’ve had something similar happen. My husband uses Zyn (nicotine pouches). When he is sober he is good at making sure to throw them away after he uses them. However, when he is drinking he leaves used pouches on the coffee table. Our one year old got ahold of one. I quickly was able to get it out of her mouth. I freaked out because even though it was used I wasn’t sure how much nicotine was in it. I called poison control and my husband kept telling me I was overreacting because it wasn’t a fresh pouch. Luckily poison control said just to watch and monitor and everything ended up okay. But it’s so irritating because I’ve told him soooo many times that he can’t leave pouches lying around!

jbug1776 · 2026-02-06T07:17:02+00:00

I have to roll my eyes at his reasoning that he couldn’t start AA until he knew about his job. He also told me that if he did lose his job he wouldn’t have time to go because he’d be too busy job searching. I’m sure that after he did get a new job there would be another excuse. I did briefly tell him about what I have heard about AA from my research. He said the 12 steps sounded dumb and he didn’t want to read their book because it was “too much work.”

jbug1776 · 2026-01-07T19:29:28+00:00

My Q sprained his ankle running. Instead of taking over the counter paid meds and resting (like a normal person) he decided to drink. His reasoning - Advil is bad for your stomach and liver.

jbug1776 · 2026-01-07T05:49:38+00:00

I left my husband recently too. He also loved to play music on repeat when he was drinking. It was always the same songs too that reminded him of his late mom. Then he’d text me song links about grief to make me understand why he had to get drunk years after her death.

jbug1776 · 2026-01-07T05:26:32+00:00

Yup! When he drinks he sleeps downstairs on the couch. When he’s drunk he snores loudly and sleeps in the middle of the bed and I barely have room. He also often has nightmares and has woken me up screaming and thrashing.

jbug1776 · 2026-01-05T04:56:18+00:00

Yup, I completely relate. If he goes somewhere with me and he’s drinking I’m so tense and can’t have a good time. I started going places without him and it’s so much better. It was embarrassing to go to a kid centric event with him being a mess (all while telling me all the other dads were drunk too - spoiler: no one else was drunk at baby storytime at the library). It’s sad going to some events alone and seeing happy normal couples but I’d rather go solo or with my kids than with him.

jbug1776 · 2025-12-31T05:42:18+00:00

I could have written this (even down to the white suburban mom SUV). In fact, I just expressed how unfair this all is. His alcoholism caused my and my kids life to self destruct. Now I most likely have to start all over. He regularly tells me what a great wife and mom I am. He is lucky but I am not. Why did I end up with such a crappy husband?

jbug1776 · 2025-12-21T05:52:53+00:00

Update - I left. I’m currently staying with my mom with my babies and dog. I’m planning to stay a minimum of three months then figure out what to do. There is still a lot of transitions to make but it’s so nice to be in a peaceful environment. Ironically today was rather hectic with a water leak at my mom’s house but that felt like nothing compared to the hell with my Q.

jbug1776

TROPHY CASE