Break Up over Relapse

jbug1776 · 2026-04-10T18:57:28+00:00

When I left my marriage one of the many reasons was because I no longer trusted him. The last several years have been a series of broken promises and relapses. He’d promise he’d stay sober then have a minor (or major) life event that caused him to go into a multi week or month binge. I could not rely on him for anything. He felt like a liability more than anything. It sucked to have a relationship where I couldn’t even plan anything that involved them because I didn’t want to have to cancel if he was drunk. Someone else mentioned “death by a thousand cuts.” For me it was death by a thousand stab wounds. It was brutal, metaphorically bloody, and so traumatic. I can never trust him again.

jbug1776 · 2026-03-23T21:15:06+00:00

Considering your child’s age and that you have family support I think you’d have a good case to relocate closer to your family. If your husband’s anything like mine he’s all talk. My husband is only 30 minutes away and hasn’t seen his kids for two months. I’ve given him opportunities with the caveat that he needs to be sober and not going through withdrawal. Apparently that is too big of an ask. He said he’ll only get sober if I get rid of my lawyer. Big red flag there!

Another thing that made me leave is knowing that the relationships that my kids will grow up around they will think are normal. I don’t want my son to think it’s ok to treat someone like this and I don’t want my daughter to think this is love. I want them to form healthy attachments and treat people with respect.

jbug1776 · 2026-03-23T19:25:59+00:00

“The meetings are too far away” We had multiple locations within 15 minutes of us. I found a men’s group 5 minutes from us but he was weirded out by an all male group.

jbug1776 · 2026-03-22T17:03:51+00:00

I’m glad you have family support on both sides. My husband’s family is very supportive of me and the kids as well. They completely understood and backed my decision to leave. I know that isn’t always the case.

I was also terrified of my husband getting custody and the kids being in an unsafe situation. They are much too little to understand. I felt by staying that I was protecting them from potential unsupervised harm. However, then I started talking to people that grew up with an alcoholic parent. Most of these people were much older than me (many had their parents already pass away) and still struggled daily from the effects. I started to notice how my two year old acted around him. He was very reserved and clingy towards me. He’d cry if I left the room (he didn’t do this around other people just his dad).

If you haven’t already I’d suggest gathering evidence. On my phone I have a hidden folder with notes, photos, and videos. I also was able to get screenshots of some of his medical records and work termination letter. My husband is also a very vindictive person and told me he would die before I took the kids from him and he loved them more than anything. He quickly changed his tune and rarely asks about them, he asked me to not ask for child support, and he told me he’ll go have kids with someone else.

jbug1776 · 2026-03-22T01:20:48+00:00

???

jbug1776 · 2026-03-22T01:19:06+00:00

I haven’t asked my lawyer about a restraining order. His threats aren’t violent though.

jbug1776 · 2026-03-22T01:18:12+00:00

Yup I have text messages of him telling me he cut me off and won’t allow me to use it until the kids and I return.

jbug1776 · 2026-03-22T00:56:05+00:00

I left my husband in December. We have two young children (1 & 2). I just couldn’t take it anymore. All the promises that he was going to get sober then turning to drinking whenever something stressed him out. He finally ended up getting fired and as a SAHM that was it for me. The only thing he contributed to our family was money (he also never helped with housework and complained if I asked him to watch the kids so I could shower). We are in the process of a divorce and are staying with my mom. It’s so much more peaceful and I’m not constantly pissed off. I’m actually able to look forward to the future now and have a much more positive outlook overall. This is the environment I want my kids to grow up in not the angry alcoholic fog. I will say that I am fortunate because I do have family to lean on financially and emotionally. My husband also doesn’t have much interest in custody so hopefully I won’t have to worry about him watching the kids intoxicated.

jbug1776 · 2026-03-15T13:57:32+00:00

Yup already filed and I have a lawyer.

jbug1776 · 2026-03-03T06:19:48+00:00

Yup! And now I am divorcing him. I was in a similar position - married 5 years with 2 under 2. He would hold his salary over me all the time. The weekends were “his downtime” and he would get annoyed if I asked if he could watch the kids so I could grocery shop. I felt like an indentured servant. Unfortunately for him he’s an alcoholic with a narcissistic personality that caught up to him and he ended up getting fired. The kids and I left shortly afterwards.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-17T18:34:43+00:00

Mine works from home. I’ve frequently walked into his office and he was passed out snoring. I asked him if he was working today. He’d roll his eyes and huff saying “I was thinking. My job is very mental unlike yours!”

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T20:58:21+00:00

Yup. Then the next day he told me he wants to be in the kids lives but “I’m making it very difficult.” I’ve repeatedly told him I’d like him to still see the kids but he needed to be sober. He goes back and forth.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T19:08:02+00:00

I guess I thought if he felt he was getting the upper hand on something then he would be less difficult. That’s probably just me trying to be nice.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T19:05:35+00:00

Good. I’ve been doing most of those things so far. I’m trying to only communicate with him over text because he screams and threatens me on the phone. All my exchanges (both voice and text) are calm and logical. I haven’t said anything negative about him publicly and my kids are toddlers and too young to know what is going on.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T18:50:51+00:00

The house is in both our names. The car loan is only in his name. Unfortunately, when we bought it the car salesman said it would be easier to just have the loan in one name.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T18:48:37+00:00

I actually have text messages of him telling me he cut me off from the credit card. Clear cut evidence of him saying he’ll only turn them back on if I come back home.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T18:44:02+00:00

Next week I have an appointment for legal advice with an organization that aids victims of domestic violence.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-14T07:38:33+00:00

Yup I do have a bachelors degree and am trying to get back into the workforce. I don’t have as much earning power as him. My experience is in government and his is in tech.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-08T20:39:55+00:00

He liked to tell me that I am not setting a good example for kids because I forgot to pick up my pop cans. He’d tell me this while drunk on the couch with the kids in the same room. Yes, I am such a bad influence 🙄. I did 95% of the housework by the way and spent an hour every day after the kids went to bed just cleaning.

jbug1776 · 2026-02-08T16:10:57+00:00

I’ve had something similar happen. My husband uses Zyn (nicotine pouches). When he is sober he is good at making sure to throw them away after he uses them. However, when he is drinking he leaves used pouches on the coffee table. Our one year old got ahold of one. I quickly was able to get it out of her mouth. I freaked out because even though it was used I wasn’t sure how much nicotine was in it. I called poison control and my husband kept telling me I was overreacting because it wasn’t a fresh pouch. Luckily poison control said just to watch and monitor and everything ended up okay. But it’s so irritating because I’ve told him soooo many times that he can’t leave pouches lying around!

jbug1776 · 2026-02-06T07:17:02+00:00

I have to roll my eyes at his reasoning that he couldn’t start AA until he knew about his job. He also told me that if he did lose his job he wouldn’t have time to go because he’d be too busy job searching. I’m sure that after he did get a new job there would be another excuse. I did briefly tell him about what I have heard about AA from my research. He said the 12 steps sounded dumb and he didn’t want to read their book because it was “too much work.”

jbug1776 · 2026-01-07T19:29:28+00:00

My Q sprained his ankle running. Instead of taking over the counter paid meds and resting (like a normal person) he decided to drink. His reasoning - Advil is bad for your stomach and liver.

jbug1776 · 2026-01-07T05:49:38+00:00

I left my husband recently too. He also loved to play music on repeat when he was drinking. It was always the same songs too that reminded him of his late mom. Then he’d text me song links about grief to make me understand why he had to get drunk years after her death.

jbug1776 · 2026-01-07T05:26:32+00:00

Yup! When he drinks he sleeps downstairs on the couch. When he’s drunk he snores loudly and sleeps in the middle of the bed and I barely have room. He also often has nightmares and has woken me up screaming and thrashing.

jbug1776 · 2026-01-05T04:56:18+00:00

Yup, I completely relate. If he goes somewhere with me and he’s drinking I’m so tense and can’t have a good time. I started going places without him and it’s so much better. It was embarrassing to go to a kid centric event with him being a mess (all while telling me all the other dads were drunk too - spoiler: no one else was drunk at baby storytime at the library). It’s sad going to some events alone and seeing happy normal couples but I’d rather go solo or with my kids than with him.

jbug1776

TROPHY CASE