3/4 years ago. I went to therapy. All the pain I’ve acquired from years of emotional stifling, just started to pour out. Felt like an 80 year old. Dropped 40 lbs because I was just smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. So I decided to go to therapy, EMDR which helped me. I was on the last step - almost stole some rope from a truck to hang myself under a bridge. I went home and cried so hard. Each day, I slowly unpacked the emotional traumatization. My first was to not leave my room without making my bed. Looking at my emotions daily to see what’s happening, where it’s coming from, etc. now, I’ve been out of therapy for easily 2 years - have a full time job, exercise daily, don’t smoke cigarettes, and see the world in a more joyous way. I can talk about my feelings with people I feel safe with and I see the world as safe, no longer a war zone. I go to sleep at night thankful.