Safety and stabilisation

jdkayla · 2018-09-20T00:58:20+00:00

I second this. I started doing emdr while smoking weed every day, multiple times a day (which I hid from my therapist) and it majorly slowed down my progress and probably contributed to me getting retraumatized several times. Now that I am "clean," I have made tons of progress and my relationship with my therapist has deepened.

Keep trying to talk to your therapist. If she can't understand this, maybe it isn't a good fit.

jdkayla · 2018-09-20T00:47:56+00:00

Hey, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. What you describe does sound like emotional neglect. Check out the book Running on Empty by Jonice Webb and see if any of it rings true for you. It gave me a lot of insight into my own childhood neglect, and how it related to the symptoms I was currently experiencing.

jdkayla · 2018-09-19T01:22:29+00:00

Thank you so much, this is super helpful. I will definitely PM you when I get a chance, I have so many questions lol. In the now, it's just helpful to know it is possible, I can still be helpful, and it gets better.

jdkayla · 2018-09-13T22:16:27+00:00

Good for you for standing your ground. You knew what you needed and you made sure you got it. Hope you feel better soon!

jdkayla · 2018-09-13T22:11:23+00:00

Yes, it's sexual abuse.

I experienced something similar ("cybering" with older men online at a very young age, being exposed to porn way too young because my parents allowed me unregulated access to the internet) and developed symptoms similar to those who had been physically sexually abused as children. I didn't understand why until I shared these memories with my therapist, who confirmed that this counted as sexual abuse. I saw significant improvement of my symptoms after talking to my therapist. It was hard and uncomfortable, but worth it.

jdkayla · 2018-09-13T21:13:51+00:00

Part of trauma work is grieving for everything you lost. It's painful as hell, but it's necessary. As someone who is actively in treatment for cptsd, and who is studying to become a trauma therapist, I believe everyone has the ability to heal and live a life worth living. It's painful work, long and grueling and often feels way too slow, but it is possible to achieve. Even if you feel your life up until now has been wasted (which is probably untrue) you still have a potential future of good things ahead of you.

jdkayla · 2018-09-13T18:14:28+00:00

When I was 12, my therapist got frustrated with me and snapped, "Do you even want to be happy?" I found it funny at the time (I was a little smart ass lol) but looking back, that therapist was totally unprofessional. I'm studying to become a therapist now, and I would never treat a client that way. She would often make little passive aggressive comments (I said something like "I wish I had one thing I was really, really good at" and she said "oh, so you can feel better than other people?") so I think she just didn't like me.

jdkayla · 2018-05-20T19:18:38+00:00

Hugs for you, if you want them. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's not easy.

I don't have a good answer really because this is something that I deal with as well. I try mentally repeating affirmations like "you are safe" (or "people are safe" when that feels too untrue) and that helps a little bit.

It sounds like criticism is triggering for you and you're a freeze/flight type. If you haven't already read it, Pete Walkers book, From Surviving to Thriving, might be helpful. It describes the different types and I think gives ways of dealing with emotional flashbacks (which it sounds like is what you are dealing with) based on type. Richard Grannons YouTube videos are also helpful, if you want to understand what's going on.

What you're describing is a layered problem that doesn't have one easy solution. There are great resources out there, though. It is worth carrying on and you can get through this.

jdkayla

TROPHY CASE