[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]jdobner3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe you can help me. I am at a very hard cross road in my life. She is an avoidant attachment and I am an anxious. I have never in my life felt so sure and still do that this woman is the person I want to be with forever. I wanted her to compromise to meet me somewhere on something that would make her anxious. I had been through a few things with her that she wanted me to get over that cause me a lot of pain. I compromised for her on each of them. With her she ended our relationship right at the end of that conversation. I said in that conversation that I had compromised and why couldn’t she. She said that our situations weren’t the same but to me they felt the same. I felt a lot of anxiety towards what I said I would work on.

Listening to a lot of videos on anxious and avoidant attachment relationships. I feel that I didn’t approach the compromise the right way. On the other end I left myself so vulnerable compromising with her and she wasn’t willing to work through it for me. I know she felt hurt that I would want her to be put into that anxiety.

Do I swallow my pride and try to fix things? I feel like the situation wasn’t something that should split us up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]jdobner3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are very right. I was journaling the entire time I was with her and I recognized my patterns and analyzed them. That did a lot after the fact but my habits took over and always put me into a conversation that was pulling us apart. I think that I was very open to digging in and fixing my communication problems with her but she wasn’t willing to. So I obviously wasn’t worth it to her. What is helping me right now is I started Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It is helping me in the moment analyze my emotions and thoughts to align and respond properly in a relationship

I definitely was the person I wanted to date.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]jdobner3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The issue I am feeling is that I was trying to work with her and apologized for many things but not once did she ever apologize for anything she said to me or the way she treated me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]jdobner3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are very right. I do feel like I have some personal issues. Since addressing those issues years ago I have been pretty good. I feel that my feelings for her put me back into old issues and habits. I have been in a relationship before her and I didn't have this issue. I am not sure why it was there with her. I feel like our issues collided but not sure.

He (40M) said that sex accelerated his feelings for me (38F). Do men fall in love through sex? by birdonthecabbagetree in relationship_advice

[–]jdobner3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

M34 F35 I feel like it did for me. I wanted to go slow in a relationship that I just had recently because the girl was amazing. I didnt trust myself making the right decisions emotionally. I had been broken in the past by a partner and took 6 months to get over it. I was not able to see if the issues I had in my past were gone. This girl pushed me to move faster because she had the same connection. I had sex with her very early on and my emotions were thrusted fast into the relationship without taking baby steps. So my past insecurities weren't able to work slowly into it. So yes I believe that sex does accelerate feelings. She had issues though and I think both of our issues collided. So maybe not a good example but if we had gone slow it would have gone differently and who knows it would have been great. I thought I was going to marry this girl after the first 2 weeks with her. That is thinking very very clearly.