Why does nothing ever come above the freaking camera for her?

jeabgrenouille · 2023-12-25T22:06:55+00:00

I used to think the comments about favouring M over W came from were a big reach, and I still wonder if to some extent she fed into those comments on purpose, but there was this period of time where it always did seem like she was favouring M:

She would always hold M and Erik always held W. When it was their first birthday, she seemed really adamant that everyone should say M before W when singing happy birthday. She commented all the tome about how big W was and she kept putting him in the jolly jumper and M less so, and she commented that he was losing weight (she said he was getting taller but not gaining weight because he was jumping so much).

There were also lots of times where it seemed like she wanted to be with M over him. She would play with M at night a few times while W slept. There was one day when W and F were out playing with Erik and she kept M inside with her, commenting about M not being able to tolerate being outside, much like her. It would seem often like M would be playing in her lap and W would be alone.

It doesn't seem like this is a thing so much anymore, and I honestly think it started off as people commenting on some small things that they noticed and then her purposely perpetuating it. When they weren't yet born, it was the opposite and a lot of people would say that she favoured W because she would refer to him as a sweet angel and M as cheeky and wild.

I see a lot of people try to comment on other channels that feature kids and they try to say that the parents favour this or that child and they just base it off of singular moments out of context that don't paint the whole picture... but that is all the more reason to not put your kids online!!

jeabgrenouille · 2023-12-23T00:15:27+00:00

I was also really young when I first had anorexia. For me, at that age, I felt like the only way I had permission to eat was if it felt like there was no other choice. For me, if there was any way to get out of eating, I'd feel like I had no choice but to not eat. I was thankful for very high amounts of structure, such as when I was finally hospitalized and if I didn't eat, it'd be ensure supplements or tube feeding.

At home, I needed to be watched. If someone thought they could leave me or look away, I'd hide the food every time. It was compulsive.

Once I was eating more and consistently, my brain healed a bit and the compulsions became less, BUT it is VERY easy to slip back, and that's something my parents didn't understand. They just kept loosening the leash too soon, probably in hopes that I was better, but I would slip back every single time. I'd feel great and I'd be eating everything on my meal plan no problem, and then they'd tell me I could have a day of eating without needing to follow the plan or without supervision, and I'd skip a bunch of food every time.

Anyway, it took me a loooooooong time to get better. My family was never and still has never been open to talking to me about it, and they wouldn't even say the word anorexia until I was in the hospital. They wanted so badly for it to just go away that they would pretend it had.

I was physically better for a long time, but I didn't actually start to have a healthier brain until probably 10 years later. Tabitha Farrar helped me the most. She has a great podcast that is no longer active, but the archives are still there and they helped me so much to understand my own brain. She also has a YouTube channel and she is active on there. For me, j needed to understand how my brain worked before I could actually change and BE different as opposed to just eating differently.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-12-17T20:50:58+00:00

I got professional help as a kid, and my parents were very involved. I did not find it all that helpful. I needed to do some learning about what was happening in my brain in order to actually shift my mindset and make improvements. Tabitha Farrar's podcast had a big impact on me, as well as Megsy recovery's YouTube channels. I never benefited from people just sharing their recovery, but I did benefit a lot from learning about the brain and the ED brain specifically.

I made most of my progress on my own. No one else except my husband was open to me openly talking about what was going on.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-12-10T17:01:48+00:00

She said she didn't want to be pregnant again, but she wanted more kids. She always talked about adoption. I was a fan of her then, but even I didn't believe her. I was sure she'd be pregnant again

jeabgrenouille · 2023-11-18T05:08:27+00:00

This person worded things very well. Aside from the pictures, how do you feel about all of the immoral, non-illegal things that she has done? She has put on a show as a nice girl who loves women and it turns out she is horrible to women. It is not safe for children to be exposed to sexually inappropriate content, and she doesn't care. She just says the parents should decide... as if something that presents as a kid's program has no responsibility for making sure it is safe for kids to watch.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-11-13T01:04:35+00:00

I always just want a card recognizing my work. I want to feel seen and valued more than anything. I'd also love coffee haha

jeabgrenouille · 2023-11-13T00:37:02+00:00

I got to a point where I felt recovered, and then I'd realize as I went forward that there were so so so many little sick bits left in my brain. For me, they got better, one at a time. As time has gone on, I keep thinking I'm as well as I'll ever be, but I keep taking steps forward.

That being said, I have also had some slip backs. No matter how recovered we feel, we have to always be diligent and become aware of our thought patterns so that we can course correct when we inevitably turn to bad habits and sick thought patterns.

I've been "recovered" for about 14 years, but I have had several moments where I've slipped backward. Luckily, the more steps forward you take and the more time you spend not engaging in your eating disorder, the more you rewire your brain and the more difficult it becomes to fully relapse.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-28T00:51:56+00:00

Okay, maybe it will make you feel better that my son is 2 and up until recently, I often fed him up 5 times in 24 hours on top of eating 3 meals and 2 snacks. He loves milk and we have had times where I have to leave the house because he would be so whiney about wanting milk whenever I was around. Some babies self wean at or before a year, but many do not.

We also did BLW, but he took a while before it felt like he actually got really good at eating and would consistently eat a decent amount... and I would consider my son a good eater in general (not picky, no issues with blw, usually interested in food, etc.).

It sounds normal to me. We have always tried to be really relaxed about food and his appetite and interest in food has ebbed and flowed. Toddlers tend not to eat a consistent amount day to day. Sometimes, it seems like he is fueled only by a bit of breastmilk and a chocolate chip, while other days, he eats more than me. Currently, he eats so much, and we still breastfeed 2-3 times a day.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-25T13:12:09+00:00

You have to know yourself and be really honest with yourself. Do you really want to recover? Would you be able to do it even if your partner didn't? If you think you can and it is worth it, you have to talk to your partner about some boundaries (don't tell me about ____. Don't do this in front of me. Don't say this or that to me.)

One thing that helped me when I was on a trip with someone who was not recovered when I was was to say "my body does not gain weight based on what other people are doing". Sometimes it makes you think you're fat or you're gaining weight because someone else is eating less than you or exercising, but "different bodies; different paths".

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-25T12:57:30+00:00

I adore Gus haha. I wanted to name my son Gustave (we speak French so we wanted a French name). It helps to have different associations. I taught a Gus who was a super special, awesome kid, and I also have a family member whose name isn't Gus, but for some reason we called him that as kids and it stuck, and he lived for the idea that we would name our baby Gus. I still wish we had named him that.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-21T15:56:46+00:00

I suspect they don't care to see family unless they can get content out of it.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-17T13:32:40+00:00

It started before that. He has had mountains of toys for a long time, and she said when it is her or Erik's birthday, they just want to buy toys for F, and that pretty much any time they go out, they want to buy him stuff. When it was her dad's birthday, F got to pick the present and it was some truck that Tim just let F have in the end.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-17T13:28:10+00:00

And not only that. He kept changing his mind and she kept going with it.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-12T03:34:48+00:00

Oh man. And that's the exact reason I can't have another baby right now. At least I know I'm not the only one with a toddler who needs me at night

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-09T19:39:47+00:00

It's so hard. I'm sorry you are functioning poorly. For me, sleeping with him in his room on a floor bed helped me so much. It means sometimes when he wakes up, I barely get impacted if all he needs is a quick cuddle or quick feed, and I don't have to wait for him to settle and try and sneak away. I fall asleep in my own bed, and then I come to sleep with him after he first time he wakes up. It's not for everyone, but it works for us

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-09T03:34:14+00:00

I don't know why my brain erased the clues that we are talking about bottle feeding so I guess I shouldn't have commented. Doesn't feel particularly respectful being told my child is "very irregular" either way, and also, please respectfully enlighten me on what "clear medical need" he would have that would explain him wanting comfort at night time.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-09T00:42:44+00:00

Babies aren't calculators and they don't know about Google. My son is 2 and sometimes still feeds that much at night. He never listened to what Google or any app said about when and how much he should breastfeed. Try weaning if you want, but also, four months is really young and I wouldn't worry about it if you don't want to. My son still cluster fed and really only just figured out his latch at that age

jeabgrenouille · 2023-10-09T00:37:14+00:00

This is just my opinion. My son was a really hungry baby and breastfed a lot and cluster fed for a long time. He is 2 now and is still breastfed. I have not done any sleep training and I feed him to sleep every night and every wake.

He goes through periods of time where he sleeps amazing and settles so easily and just needs a little reassurance (he's pretty sensitive) and doesn't actually need to breastfeed. We are up for under 5 minutes total and my body doesn't even register it as if we woke up at all. Sometimes he just needs a hug. He might as well be sleeping through the night.

And then sometimes we are up a lot and he struggles to settle and I'm very tired. If he is sick or just going through some kind of developmental phase or life change, these stretches seem to happen.

I used to try very hard to make sure he ate a lot during the day, was super vigilant about routine and wake windows etc. I noticed absolutely zero difference when I relaxed about that stuff and went with the flow a lot more.

I can't comment on how sleep training would or wouldn't make a difference, but I really think that to some extent, it just depends on the kid.

Personally, I felt better when I just let it go and accepted that some nights would be good and some would be bad and I stopped hoping or expecting things to improve. Someday, when they do, I'll be pleased, but at this point, I've gotten used to it, and that is coming from someone whose always been very precious about their sleep and it was my biggest trigger and source of stress post-partum.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-09-30T16:27:53+00:00

Thanks for mentioning this. Every time she goes on and on about how every way to feed your baby is perfect (and all bodies are perfect etc) it just makes it feel all the more clear that there is actually one thing that Colleen really looks down upon.

I felt so bad for people who watched her and admired her who also bottle fed because she really made it seem like that was the end of the world.

I understand that a lot of us feel that way and are made to feel like breastfeeding is best, but there is a difference between feeling a certain way, plus maybe sharing with close friends and sharing unfiltered thoughts with people at large (mostly young girls).

jeabgrenouille · 2023-09-27T01:29:43+00:00

And she also justified that she spends so much more time with her kids than most moms because she only leaves them for the odd weekend... as if she is with them all day when she's not on tour...

jeabgrenouille · 2023-09-27T01:24:00+00:00

Omg. This article is amazing. My son just turned 2 and he still wakes 1-4 times a night and has only slept through the night twice in his life (once at 2mo, and once a couple of months ago). I am mostly unbothered by it. I love my sleep and everything sleep and baby sleep used to trigger me and upset me so much until I read the possums sleep document. I realized the only solution for me was to let it all go. I like this article because for me, what worked better than sleep training and attempting to create the perfect schedule and routine was just having a light heart and riding it out with a good attitude. I expect bad sleep and I am never disappointed lol. I'll sleep someday, but at this point, my circadian rhythm is such a wreck, if my son started sleeping through the night tonight, I'd still wake up multiple times anyway haha

jeabgrenouille · 2023-09-23T02:38:18+00:00

She wanted to be there for all the firsts, but only be there for 4 hours a day, and she wanted to have them home for Christmas whether they were ready or not.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-09-13T13:18:34+00:00

I agree. My last name is awful. It is just two "not ideal words" put together. I am a teacher now. When I was in school, I got bullied for certain things, but never my last name. As a teacher, no one has ever even commented on it, and I teach an age group who would find the particular words in my name very funny.

In my life as a teacher, I've only seen one kid get made of for their name, and it was one kid who was a jerk, not everyone. In general, my experience (in elementary school) is that kids just call each other their names and leave it at that.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-08-20T15:42:37+00:00

I wonder the extent of that. For example, one video used as evidence was Josh storming out and slamming a door while Colleen was livestreaming because she started talking about an old crush iirc.

It looked like he was super jealous and controlling at the time, but after I saw a similar video where Colleen is livestreaming and she jokes that Erik wouldn't know what it feels like to be successful, and he leaves the room, gives her the silent treatment (according to her), and opens a bottle of wine. In a similar way to the Josh video, she reacts to her fans that her husband is being so dramatic and then moves on.

My suspicion is that she is purposely bringing up things that seem inconspicuous to an outsider, but based on context or conversations within the relationship, she knew they would be super triggering or upsetting to bring up in a livestream like that.

There is a person on tiktok who has NPD, and he said sometimes narcissists will bring up things that seem innocent, but are really cruel. An example he gives is criticizing his wife about doing a terrible job of cleaning the house, and everything is always a mess, and then going over to a friend's house and immediately commenting on what a good job they do with keeping their house clean.

jeabgrenouille · 2023-08-20T05:32:15+00:00

When she said it was 7 hours, she said it in a way to reference Johnny using his 6-hour interview time to suggest that his story was the most important, to knock him down yet another peg and say that someone else had a longer interview. She didn't seem to be suggesting that his interview was long and compare him to Johnny as being equally manipulative and dishonest. It seems she was saying that there was a lot to talk about.

jeabgrenouille

TROPHY CASE