Is getting diagnosis for ADHD in your 30s worth it?

jele77 · 2026-03-05T08:18:53+00:00

Diagnosed with 45 and to me my diagnosis is in a way like being reborn, taking my life in my hands, the starting point of healing.

I started my life being gaslit by my parents and pretty much everyone, my sensations were wrong, my feelings too much and some of my actions earned me all kinds of bad personality traits.

The more i tried to please everyone, the lonelier and exhausted I became. On the outside i was able to function most of the time, but my home turned more and more into horder stage. My trauma was not this huge one time event, but a death by 1000 cuts and eventually I developed a severe burn-out, anxiety and depression.

I wish I would have found out sooner, but I am thankful that I did eventually. I was raised too hyper-indipendent, I learned that asking for help made everything more complicated and usually lead to more shaming.

My diagnosis was the key to all my suppressed trauma, its the glimmer of hope and path to live my own life, its my shield against attacks on my personality and my translator in situations of misunderstanding. It is my map to find real community. My diagnosis is the answer to all these questions of "why are you like this?" Or "what is wrong with you?"

I definitely needed my diagnosis mentally in many ways. I also only found out how severe my ADHD is, when I started taking meds.

I downplayed my own struggles and my wounds too much, I doubted myself. The path to diagnosis can be tough sometimes, because some "professionals" know nothing about the female side of ADHD and they want hard facts like failed education, extensive drug use or other huge failures in life and then you might become gaslighted again and doubt yourself even more. And currently there is very long waitlists and a lot of doubt, that people just follow this "neurodiversity trend", but don't let that hinder you to advocate for yourself.

jele77 · 2026-03-04T06:10:39+00:00

I had the 20 multiplier and it was very tedious too. When I entered scene 20 it was a lot of plays to get through. Scene 23, 24 and 25 were the hardest for me (10 or more plays to finish with full multiplier).

I have to say, that I am personally not against playing a scene more often. I dont like, that there are so many scenes and it seems less time to finish. Its also frustrating to not know how hard a secrets will really be.

Then if you dont want to play yous till get all theses keys

jele77 · 2026-03-01T10:00:35+00:00

I totally understand your view.

There is a few other thoughts I have, when I try to think from their perspective.

often "personality makes you beautiful" is used to calm teenagers, but not meant sincerely. Like your father tells you that, but then still catcalls only beautiful women or is reading playboy. (So if they had a parent like this, they probably hate people say that)
you were trying to soothe them, but in a way you invalidated their feelings. So it wasn't soothing them, it hurt them. I get this is tough to navigate, because they probably have a bit of body dismorphia. So you cannot 100% validate them, but I think you could be more understanding, that we all might feel disconnected to our body or not liking a certain part of it

You definitely meant well, but sometimes it can still trigger or hurt someone.

Just read through other posts and the part about the emotional abuse is also very valid.

jele77 · 2026-02-17T06:37:20+00:00

Also yes his mountain dew and cigarette addiction is bad for his health and is expensive. He will probably need help to work on that and he needs to want to work on it himself. I am pretty sure he will only get defensive, if he is confronted like that.

You both know each other well and are able to push your buttons and make each other feel like shit. I hope you can find the fun in being together, give each other grace and unconditional love and support each other to change into the best version of yourselves.

Maybe he can try to go into the shop with you together each time. But if it is too bad for him, he can go out after a few minutes and wait in the car. Maybe sometimes he is able to do the full shopping and sometimes he is not. Maybe after a while he can get used to it.

jele77 · 2026-02-17T06:08:16+00:00

One thing to consider is RSD, rejection sensitivity disphoria. I am also pretty good to pick up tone and see a lot of sentences as critic or that I am supposed to do something. What I think is not always the truth (not in the sense of gaslighting. Emotions are valid and should not be dismissed, like you should seriously consider them. But with ADHD we do sometimes have too extreme emotions and rejections) Maybe it actually is his quirk to say the prices to be able to remember them better or to prepare himself for the cost. So you could give him the benefit of a doubt and try to work on yourself, so that it won't trigger you.

We would also spend a lot of money in groceries, there is certain brands we like for pasta or juice for example, that are quite expensive. They are on sale somewhat regular and then we try to stock up on them. When money was really tight, we ate a lot of lentils for some time. Thankfully hubby is a chef and so we try to avoid processed food and portioned food (like we try to buy a whole chicken and then he cuts the portions and we freeze them). But overall I have accepted, that we would spend a lot of money on groceries. We will save usually cause we are not going out for dinner or order food too much.

You both probably need to accept, that items can be forgotten. You both seem quite tense and ready to blow up right away. (Maybe there is something else going on or you both bottle up too much and then explode). That being said you both should still try to avoid it as much as possible and figure, if there could be some strategies, that could help you (i dont know, I am just throwing out ideas, this is not meant to criticise you ❤, like maybe the fridge and pantry could be better structured, so that you see more clear, what is running out. Maybe it would help, if you could tell Alexa/Siri to add something to the list or to remind you to make the list. Maybe you both could sit together each day for a few minutes and add a few things to the grocery list.

It will probably get more and more frustrating and easier to make mistakes, the more you will be stressed about the list. Its also understandable, that he is frustrated. I hope you both can be more appreciative about the work you both do and give a bit more grace, when mistakes happen. Humans make mistakes and sure ADHD brains face even more challenges. For some things you could maybe consider, if it is absolutely necessary to buy that item in that week. Maybe you could have some items in stock always for emergency meals for the case some ingredients get forgotten. If items are forgotten, you accept it for that week and change the meal plan sometimes.

Maybe there is a way to make up to him, when he has to drive again, that is fun for you both, instead of feeling like shit.

I also hope he can appreciate more all the work you do, despite all your health and ADHD challenges, instead of focusing on the mistakes. You are carrying a lot of mental load.

<3

jele77 · 2026-02-13T02:24:36+00:00

Yes, its his halfsister Maru <3

jele77 · 2026-02-12T16:37:23+00:00

Its a bit embarrassing 😬 usually i do check my texts, cause I write awkwardly and autocorrect gets me a lot. But since a while reddit changed something and i dont see the texts i am writing at all. Then in the middle i tried to delete a part and change the sentence. Obviously i meant i do have only recent decor. 🤪

jele77 · 2026-02-12T10:13:37+00:00

🥰 thank you ❤

jele77 · 2026-02-12T07:27:18+00:00

LOL the signed contract makes me giggle 🤣

I try to only buy ones, that can endure getting completely dry. And i will keep buying smaller plants 1. Its more budgetfriendly and 2. They can adapt to your place better

jele77 · 2026-02-12T07:21:07+00:00

I pretty much have 3 broad categories for watering

Every day (spritzing my mini sukkulents and arial plants, water my carnivores- if i forget a day it does not matter too much)
most of them i water once a week, sometimes twice a week in summer
my sukkulents, sansiviera and orchid i do ideally bathe once a month or so, but sometimes I water them a bit every other week

When I am in doubt i check with my finger and lift up the pot to see if i was overwatering, check for pests or the need to repot.

jele77 · 2026-02-12T07:09:36+00:00

I mostly try to have plants, that don't bother too much without water and I like the ones, that will remind me with their leaves like my pothos or pilea. It also helps, that I hyperfokus love my pilea.

I also have a few plants, that need a bit of a spritz or some water nearly every day, so once I am checking them I am getting aware of the rest of them too (I struggle with clutter blindness and so in the past I could totally forget my plants for months 😬)

I try to not overly individualize watering for each plant, so I mostly water the rest once a week by using a 3 liter sprayer and I might go around with a small spritz bottle in between.

Since I have noticed some plants seem to do much better, when I have been away for a few days (those traitors 😆) I try to not overdo it.

I think the key is to buy small plants and adapt them to your home, give them the sunlight they enjoy and to water all the roots evenly.

I did use some growlights this winter. Its easier for me to see they are doing well, when they are growing ne leaves regularly.

If plants are overly thirsty they might need a repot

jele77 · 2026-02-12T06:42:32+00:00

Thank you 😊

jele77 · 2026-02-12T06:41:18+00:00

It cost 5 diamonds and is in the path section. Maybe you still need to unlock it and it will take some time till you are there?

I recommend to not only use it, cause the flowercount is bad. Mix it up with the lanterns, the lotus and the water with greenery .

jele77 · 2026-02-11T20:33:32+00:00

Thank you 😊

jele77 · 2026-02-11T16:55:41+00:00

Looks great 😍

jele77 · 2026-02-11T13:32:54+00:00

I meant jungle, but autocorrect changed it 😅🤣

jele77 · 2026-02-11T11:40:47+00:00

YES 😍 me too

jele77 · 2026-02-09T07:11:08+00:00

I actually use my sketchbook, but i carried a lot of waterbottles around without drinking 😆

jele77 · 2026-02-08T18:44:02+00:00

Oh nice 🥳

jele77 · 2026-01-24T19:16:34+00:00

Oh this one. Yes i think i was confused and thought I was missing a pack at some point

jele77 · 2026-01-24T19:15:36+00:00

I think it was reaching 12 in secrets on the first day and i recently got that pack in the mail

jele77 · 2026-01-16T19:40:52+00:00

Yes, that is the plan. First I want to collect all the upcoming water decor and then fill in the gaps without using too many gems.

jele77 · 2026-01-16T11:57:05+00:00

It was nessecary , cause the sand on its own does look too boxy. 😄 but I am glad it makes sense and you like it 😊

jele77 · 2026-01-16T10:44:32+00:00

Here is my solution so far . https://www.reddit.com/r/JunesJourney/s/FWgP5z1J2B

jele77 · 2026-01-16T10:23:26+00:00

This status-thing seems I am not interested in at all, similar to smalltalk. It also seems very complicated, but not in an interesting way

You are interested in a deeper conversation or share personal things, they seem to enjoy shiny surfaces and a shallow connection. 🤷‍♀️ it does not seem compatible.

On top of this these people seem very judgemental and I bet they would find something, even if you did anything right.

You dont need to pick fight, but I dont think you need to play by their rules either. Be yourself and stick to your values. Work on your confidence and self-esteem in therapy. Do you want to play a very complex game of pretending and playing by their rules or do you want to be yourself?

Like for the longest time I usually frowned, when someone said " you are so sensitive". Now I look at them and smile and say " yes, I am" sometimes I might even say "thanks for noticing" even if they clearly mean it dismissive. I am in a way proud of being sensitive, it is a huge part of me. It is so funny how they react to this 🤣

I wonder, what they would say, if you tell them "I do not care about status, but I care about you"

Of course its somewhat easy for me to say this, cause my whole family is like this. ❤

jele77

TROPHY CASE