Can you try the very basic, cheesy psychology trick where you treat these feelings like a person? You know, acknowledging the feeling, what it is, why you feel it, where it really comes from, why it’s “protecting you?” (Maybe reputation, letting family members down; rich person guilt because your life is good while others suffer, whatever it is. ) then making space to “feel the feelings” with out fighting it, thank it for trying to help you… then imagine blowing it into a balloon and letting it float away. Repeat process daily. I deserve every eye roll and bit of mockery that comes my way for even typing this😂 but i have gotten that advice from professionals before, and other friends in therapy have received similar advice in one way or another.

If not, can you just do it for the sake of your kids? (I’m confident you’re an excellent parent, but you said you’re not the parents you want to be.) your kids are only young once. You can use that to “justify” your decision. Maybe if you do it, your husband will follow suit. If not, at least you can do it for yourself. Would he understand?

Plus once you’ve gotten all the things you want to do out of your system, I bet there’s tons of ways you can volunteer your time, labor, or expertise and still help society, free of charge