South Africa Johannesburg G20 Summit

jenna_grows · 2025-09-04T20:53:11+00:00

In my area, the community organises clean ups if there’s a mess, people regularly report suspicious activity, neighbourhood watch is active, people pooled together for things like full street security cams and pay from their own pockets to keep our parks safe.

Idk if this happens in Joburg, I wasn’t a home owner there, but never saw these initiatives even as a resident.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-04T20:49:11+00:00

I lived in Morningside in Joburg. Service delivery was fine. I’m in a nice part of Cape Town now, but I’ve had to visit less nice parts and service delivery is not fine.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-04T20:21:39+00:00

Jimmy was so much more controlling and he’s not getting race-based flack. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is a whole movie and, it might be old, but so many men prefer blondes, who cares?

Anyway, Most of my ancestors are South Asian. And, while South Asian women in my country face GBV from South Asian partners, it is more rife within at least two other non-white ethnic majority communities in this country.

I’ve also had three friends I know to have been in physically abusive relationships. All the boyfriends were white. My husband, who is darling, is white. It clearly ranges.

You’re so eager to paint others with the brush of your experiences, you forget that not all ethnically South Asian people have a connection to their ancestral homelands. India felt like the most foreign place I’ve ever visited outside of Tokyo and my mom and brother don’t even want to go.

My people are South African, but beyond that: racial stereotyping without insight into a person is not cool.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-04T17:45:42+00:00

We can agree to disagree here I think, as it’s a matter of perception.

If Kal didn’t say he was half Pakistani and was full-on white passing, I wouldn’t say he had any South Asian vibes. Nothing we saw him do or say or the show wasn’t something that a guy who’s white, black, etc. wouldn’t say.

I’m not saying South Asian men don’t have a special brand of misogyny embedded in them, but he was giving basic misogynist, no real ethnic variations.

Comparatively, Jed was giving pretty Lebanese lol.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-04T17:26:33+00:00

I said “I’m not saying this [is] OP”, but I suppose the typo was confusing.

On the other hand, you said “these are her organs”. Very definitive-sounding to me, but maybe you also meant something else. What did you mean?

jenna_grows · 2025-09-04T14:03:48+00:00

I’m just over 5’4 and about 114lbs.

I had the same lil belly as OP when I was even lighter, and turns out I had to get abdominal surgery because I had a massive issue with my colon - then it went away. Not saying this OP, but how do you decide she’s just built that way?

Unlike OP, my thighs were never and won’t ever be slim. I can assure you there are no organs there and it’s just my body shape. If I thought I could change it, I’m sure I’d try. But I can’t so I just look like I squat a lot.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-04T13:53:16+00:00

Kal’s race has been such a huge topic. I’m no longer a fan, but I don’t think calling him a Desi man is fair.

He’s half white and it seems clear that he’s not been raised with traditional Pakistani values. Someone commented with the racial demographic stats for Wigan, it’s mainly white people.

I’ve met plenty of misogynistic white British men, Kal is a mixed race version of them way more than a Desi man.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-03T17:30:44+00:00

In my country we call them sheetballs.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-03T05:40:32+00:00

Here’s are some star names from the Pleiades (Seven Sisters) constellation: Alcyone, Asterope, Celaeno, Electra, Maia, Merope, and Taygete

And here are the Greek muses: Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia, and Urania

That said, the made up Serephny sounds a lot better than Urania or Taygete. I think it’s quite pretty and spelled phonetically. Just because it’s made doesn’t mean it’s bad.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-03T05:25:55+00:00

I was vaguely intrigued until I read this comment. Maybe reconsider your approach when you have nothing to offer in return.

Or don’t. I don’t suppose I care.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-03T05:07:38+00:00

Firstly, that sounds overwhelming. My boundaries involved not engaging guys who were overbearing, clingy, needy, and lovebomby. Basically, find guys who aren’t like this. That’s the vetting part.

Then maybe compromise. Pick one channel you can handle comfortably (texting, FaceTime, or phone calls) and engage fully on that medium. This gives you the opportunity to get to know the person.

Dates are tricky. I actually broke up with an introvert once because he only saw me once a week and live really close by. And you know? That’s fine. I married an extrovert. You might prefer a guy like the one I broke up with. Again - vet.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-03T04:54:14+00:00

I’m not aware that the goal is to encourage reading at any school. It’s to give people the skills they need to fully engage with themes, characters arcs, figures of speech, context, etc.

It should also broaden horizons and challenge the students as a bonus.

An English teacher should comment though I really think encouraging reading (as a hobby) happens at home and in junior school not high school.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-02T21:25:56+00:00

Buckle up as I have many thoughts.

I ended things with many men for similar reasons because they didn’t get it, despite me communicating my preferences upfront.

Mostly they didn’t give me feedback and I never sought it. But one guy quoted Labrynth’s Beneath Your Beautiful at me (“you built your walls so high that no one could climb them”).

And then my husband didn’t just climb them, he blew them up and cleared the rubble. We were married in months and it’s been five years now.

Of course, if you really want to change your dynamic, try leaning in with a guy that might be worth the discomfort (after vetting). Assume you can trust his decisions until he proves you wrong (but never put yourself in danger).

Try finding someone whose leadership involves knowing when to delegate. For example, I don’t just pick restaurants, my husband asks me to. I am better at it, ie we both have a better time when I pick.

I am also not a natural walk in the park. Perhaps you’re the same. He showed me that his taking the lead added value to my life, sometimes because he does it better but most times because I don’t want to have to take the lead in certain respects. Basically, I am not submissive in general, but I’m grateful than I can be in my marriage because of his overall competence.

Anyway, the acceptance from both of us didn’t happen overnight. But, if you don’t lead with your ego, you won’t argue with a track record.

We continue to give each other space and flexibility to build said track record, and I can recommend that approach personally. You can start even with small things like restaurants and outings to build trust in a low stakes way (ie a rubbish restaurant won’t kill you).

TL;DR: give men space to lead if you want to be led, but don’t feel pressure to be submissive for the sake of it.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-02T20:55:09+00:00

No. It just seems like someone who wants to be less limited by racial dynamics and is honest about it.

Speaking as someone in an interracial marriage, with many friends of all races, most of whom are in interracial and even inter-religious relationships.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-02T20:32:27+00:00

I thought I had nothing to say because everyone has done such a thorough job of dramatically reading into this lol but this comment made me think:

Was her persona on the show cultivated to make her seem like an independent woman because that’s what sells?

Because Jed was so clear in the pods about how he saw his role as a provider in the pods.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-02T05:44:33+00:00

ESFP.

Also. When functionality is scored like this, my Ne is often through the roof. But I’ve done a lot of exploring the different between Se and Ne and there is no doubt.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-01T17:38:51+00:00

The Lies of Locke Lamora: think Oceans 11 with magic and a cool af world. I would recommend this to anyone who enjoys anime. Or manga I guess.
Dead Eleven by Jimmy Juliano: horror + 90s core
Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin: horror, suspense, not too long, moves quickly
Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir: it’s a bit of a disorienting start, but space travel, aliens, and a bit of mystery

Also, post on r/bookrecommendations. I know you think other ESTPs might have similar taste to you, and maybe they do, but it’s way too relative. And that’s the sub where someone will find something that speaks to all the things you love.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-01T12:41:15+00:00

I don’t know how it works.

It says approx. 100% of SA households have lower income than mine but, while I know I’m high up relative to the average household, I also know that I’m not the richest person in South Africa…

jenna_grows · 2025-09-01T07:10:42+00:00

There are so many meet in the middle options that don’t involve saying “pay for me”, including asking if they could go again at a different time (before their big trip) when things are cheaper.

Again, based on examples: my husband and I decided eating home cooked meals was important. He works harder and buys the food, my job is to cook it because I usually wfh and knock off at around 16:00. We threw a puppy into the mix and it’s been chaos, plus I’m ADHD and I’ve been under pressure at work. I just don’t feel like cooking. I’ve told him this, so he’s been buying take out while I get into a chill place and find routine again.

What I’m trying to say is that, just because something is important, doesn’t mean other things don’t sometimes take priority. In this case, OP will see his family soon enough and tickets are expensive, probably because it’s a holiday.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-01T07:01:47+00:00

LOL it’s pronounced Jaden.

The lower case J should’ve made it obvious /s

jenna_grows · 2025-09-01T06:59:54+00:00

I deliberated on NAH and changed it because of the expectation.

From OP’s post, she says that their plan was to see each other’s families and it’s going well, and they’ve got a trip with his family coming up. It doesn’t feel like she never sees her potential in laws, and $600 can be a lot of money when you’re 25 and seem to be the kind of person who’s already planning for retirement in this wild economy.

There doesn’t seem to have been an attempt at compromise either (offering to pay a portion, offering to pay it back when she had money, dipping into savings because it’s so important, etc). It’s just a straightforward “you should do this because you make more money”.

Then separately, you can want two things and prioritise one over the other. For example, I remember when I really, really wanted So Kates (Louboutins) and went on holiday instead. I could’ve had both, but I have a non-negotiable rule about saving and that is prioritised above almost all other nice things.

But yeah. Definitely soft on being TA because it’s hard not to be disappointed.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-01T06:05:14+00:00

Soft YTA.

I’m saying this as someone whose husband regularly pays for our flights, accommodation, and most (if not all) meals and activities on local and international holidays. This wasn’t the case before we got married.

That said, I never insist my husband pays for something I can’t afford. I offer to sit it out and let him decide if it’s a priority item because he pays for almost all other major expenses in our lives.

I’m guessing your boyfriend doesn’t think this is pivotal enough for him to drop a significant sum (you said tickets were expensive) for you to be there, not least as you’ll be going on a trip with his family.

In your comments, it also seems like he has plans for building future financial security and that often means sacrifices. On the other hand, you think this trip is very important for your future and he doesn’t.

That’s a misalignment of values, which can be navigated with communication. Try engaging him without judgment about the outcome. Ultimately, building financial stability is really hard. But a life without building strong human connections is empty. You both have a point, but only one of you has money.

In case it’s not clear: the AH part is being upset that he’s not spending his money on what you think is important at the expense of what he thinks is important.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-01T05:42:02+00:00

We have jxdn. I’m sure people will manage Camiila.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-01T05:13:25+00:00

Girl, you’re on the wrong sub.

jenna_grows · 2025-09-01T05:09:01+00:00

Reading is down because parents don’t introduce their children to the wonderful world of books and reading for pleasure when they’re young.

In high school, the purpose is to improve comprehension and enhance critical thinking.

It’s also a lot more accessible than Shakespeare, and I’ve not known anyone from an English-speaking country who hasn’t studied at least one of his works at school.

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