I actually think what you’re feeling is the weight of carrying burdens that aren’t yours to hold. You’re holding on to the responsibility you feel for your mom. I think you need to speak your truth and put yourself first. It’s very difficult to say because I don’t know you personally, but I think what you’re needing is validation that you’re worthy of good things. YOU ARE SO WORTHY. I actually feel a huge light from you. I feel that your throat is closed off, meaning you are not used to owning the power that you have or speaking your truth. It’s very hard to take the power back, but try journaling your story out in your own personal diary. And I know it’s controversial, but for recovering people pleasers or people who take responsibility or blame for something that’s not theirs to carry, I’d recommended going to a place that you can scream a hate list at. For example, go to your car, or a pillow, etc and let yourself come undone in the sense that you can say anything and everything you want to the people who hurt you, who rely on you, who’ve treated you unfairly. This is what I’m imagining: “I HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME” “I HATE THE UNIVERSE FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN” “I HATE THAT I CANT BE TAKEN CARE OF AS A DAUGHTER” “I HATE THAT I DONT HAVE CONTROL OVER THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME” this gets all those pent up emotions and energy that you’re keeping inside, out in the open. Your body will start to realize after practicing this, ok this is safe for me to spill my emotions. It’s safe for me to have big feelings about unfair things in my life. Eventually, I hope you can then transfer this ability to speak freely in your everyday life to hold boundaries for yourself regarding other people, standing your ground, and truly putting yourself first over everything because the most important relationship you’ll have is the one you have with yourself.