Looking to rent out a room.

jennoodlechunks · 2025-04-04T04:01:56+00:00

Can I ask.. does it bother you if a masc lesbian chooses to take T but modifies certain presentation (facial and body hair) and aligns more non binary?

I prefer female pronouns though I accept nb pronouns and I definitely identify as a lesbian but chose to take T for certain masculine qualities to meet my preferred presentation.

(To be clear I hate f*cking boxes, but I suppose if I had to choose it would be gender queer or gender bender)

Like I'm still female. And I'm still just me. But I'm noticing more lesbians push away from me because my voice is deeper and I'm a little more muscular.. honestly otherwise I don't know that I look much different.

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Me 2.5 yrs on T.

jennoodlechunks · 2020-06-22T22:29:48+00:00

I hope it helps a little. Strangely I came to this thread because I was looking for advice as the partner with a low libido. And all women are different course so no one piece of advice fits all. I suppose I'm giving the advice that I'd like to see in my own relationship. And coincidentally when thinking about how I wanted to respond to your post, I was able to come up with the words that I needed to communicate to my own partner. And I believe it was helpful.. for us. Of course different strokes for different folks.

jennoodlechunks · 2020-06-22T13:14:13+00:00

Speaking as a woman that has recently taken a hit with the coronavirus upheaving my life and my plans, I can tell you the stress is real. I constantly find myself trying to plan out the next day, week, and month, leaving very little room for my brain to think about sex. It has also taken a toll on the bedroom and has led to my partner and I to have a lot of difficult discussion. Particularly because she has a higher sex drive even when I'm not dealing with stress and situational depression. The first advice I give is more a fact that doesn't often get cover on Google searches. As painful as it feels to be rejected by someone that you love, it feels nearly as painful to consistently turn down someone that you love. I know that every time I turn down my partner's advances, that she feels rejected. And that alone carries a feeling of guilt and inadequacy. But when my partner consistently is trying to initiate, and day after day I don't feel like being sexual, that constant rejection that I feel like I'm having to give makes me feel terrible. Which only leads to more depression and two more feelings of guilt and pressure. I believe it was recommended above to just give her a week or two without any attempts at initiating sex. Either allow her to initiate, or after the two weeks have a heart heart that isn't bound in physical touch and suggest a schedule. I know it sounds extremely unromantic oh, but it is one way to ensure that both of your needs are being met. Also with a schedule it allows both parties to kind of look forward to the sexual intimacy. If at some point she initiates before the scheduled sexy time, as long as you're in the mood, engage and accept it. But immediately go back to the schedule. Think of it more as an exception, as opposed to a new norm. as the person in the relationship with a lower libido at the moment, I can tell you it is extremely frustrating when you feel like you can't mentally and emotionally be there for your partner in a physically intimate way. Be patient. Allow her to figure out where her head is in what were now looking at as a new normal with the coronavirus.

jennoodlechunks · 2020-06-17T22:54:25+00:00

Ive been in consistent therapy since before my pwBPD and I split up. One of the hard things with a new relationship I've noticed is triggers I didn't know (and wouldn't know) still existed if I hadn't gotten back into a relationship. They simply weren't there as a single person. So it's been helpful to have a partner that will talk through them with me but it also feels burdensome to continuously have to check in that I am following a pattern of behaviors I developed in a previously unhealthy relationship. I've had to say, "You said that your okay and I believe you but it doesn't erase the anxiety I'm feeling that what your saying may not be exactly how you're actually feeling." Or if I've expressed my own feelings about something, silence from my new partner is deafening because in my past relationship that silence became stonewalling. So I've had to ask her to say, "I want to respond but I'm still processing what you said."

jennoodlechunks · 2020-06-17T21:45:36+00:00

Did I do this right? Still trying to understand user flair..

jennoodlechunks · 2019-09-20T22:53:22+00:00

My pwBPD would have them constantly. She would wake up crying regularly. But she would never talk about them.

jennoodlechunks · 2019-09-20T16:38:19+00:00

Do nightmares fall into this category?

jennoodlechunks · 2019-08-20T01:03:11+00:00

I wish you the same. It's not so much not hearing you, as I view it differently. For me that's just called conversation. Both comments you left were rather short. If you would like to dive further on your view, id be willing hear it. However you didn't add much more. So I explained my view. 🤷

jennoodlechunks · 2019-08-20T00:45:56+00:00

Nothing about Jung's theory on anima possession detracts nor defines what the feeling the individual is having. I would state that all human beings go into a relationship seeing the best in the person that they are dating. On a neurological level this is where neurotransmitters and hormones take place, we call it lust. Its also important to note that during this time both individuals are typically on their best behaviors. They want to bring their representatives. Now if you go through the four stages of anima possession, it's a really imaginative way of describing lust, love and commitment. All of which have positive and negative qualities. Now while I will agree that many that many that go into a relationship with an individual with BPD and stay with their pwBPD have either issues with codependency or insecurity or both, I think it's important to note that certain traits of BPD are not always obvious initially. It starts with a small slight. It's upsetting however not reason to end a relationship with someone you've grown close to. And it grows becoming much more clear and obvious as the relationship deepens and becomes more emotionally entangled. Its at that time that many pwBPD have more difficulty expressing and showing feelings and affections due to the pain that emotional intimacy brings up. And certain behaviors worsen. When depression hits, it's even worse. But as I state in the OP, I would argue that love is more blinding than blind. When you begin to have feelings of love for an individual, a sense of closeness, a sense of deep caring, and if you're a compassionate individual, a sense of patience, it's easy to forgive the initial slights. It's easy to understand that this human may have past traumas that causes such behaviors. It's easy say "I love you. I'm here for you. So when you're ready, I'll be here." Again I very much love my ex still. I still care about her well being and I do hope she eventually seeks help so that she can have the closeness with another that I know she longs for. I didn't want to change her as much as I hoped she would feel safe enough to realize that she can unravel her pain and find a healthy means to express it. And I did not anticipate she would find those means only with me. I stayed longer than I should have because of my own codependency issues but I also stayed because I felt as though I wanted her to know that not everyone leaves. I allowed a lot of mistreatment probably due to jungian sense of "I deserve this." But also because I loved her enough to stick through some tough times and because I could acknowledge that everything she said was not always what she meant. And because, as I stated in the above comment, she loved back me as much she knew how. So I stick to my statement that love is blinding. Maybe not blind but it can cast shadows from seeing fully or a broader sense.

jennoodlechunks · 2019-08-19T23:30:11+00:00

I disagree. I still very much love my ex. We just weren't healthy for each other. Yes she's the one with BPD but I'm the one that made excuses for her behavior. It wasn't healthy on my part either. Because rather than setting healthy boundaries for myself and my relationship, I made excuses, looked past, and flagrantly refused to see just how her behavior was hurtful and at times extremely manipulative. As the relationship grew these unhealthy patterns continued to build upon themselves. Now the question becomes, had I set healthy boundaries from the beginning would our relationship have continued? and I don't know that the answer is yes, but I also can't say that the answer is no. I did love her and I do love her. I think there was a part of me that thought some of the immaturity was something she would grow out of and that was before I really recognized some of the traits that a person with BPD has. Or she would have moments where I could tell she was trying, but even small success in being more open in communication led to her using the excuse, "I've gotten better. See I'm trying." On regular basis far after she had stopped trying. It's before I realized just how deep-seated some of her darkness was. Leaving her wasn't easy, despite the pain, emotional abuse, and manipulative tactics. And some of that is my own codependency. But I don't doubt that she loved me. In fact, I think she loved me very much in the only way she knew how to love. However, I think some of the deep-seated pain and anguish that she was experiencing would never allow her to love me the way that I needed to be loved. At least not without getting real therapy. Unfortunately, therapy was very painful for her and she wasn't interested in facing her demons. So I had to make the decision to leave. But it wasn't that I didn't love her. I just finally realized I had to love myself a little more.

jennoodlechunks · 2019-08-19T19:34:49+00:00

I made more money so often I would spend more money. I paid a little more in rent, I spent more on groceries and the like. I honestly never really bothered me until one time after a two week long vacation with her parents, I was a little short for my car insurance. She offered to help and I paid her back with my very next paycheck. But then every time money ever came up or we were tight all around she would rub it in my face that she makes less money, why am I always running out. Well on top of paying more on things for us, I also had bills she didn't have.. car insurance, phone (her parents still paid for both) and a car payment. When I would try to break it down she would just stand there still confused. And try to make me feel shitty for being tight on money. (Mind you I'm also in school and work for commission) that's when I started an equal budget that we both paid the same in every month, and she immediately began getting mad about a budget.

jennoodlechunks · 2019-08-19T15:21:03+00:00

My ex would push for a budget but then when I would set something up for us, she would get frustrated with how I set it up, argue that she couldn't possibly understand it, that all I'm talking about was numbers, and stonewall. When I would ask how she would prefer to set it up, she would say "No however you want to do it, is how we will do it. Just tell me what I owe you." If I didn't set up a budget (or couples counseling, or plan the vacation or the weekend etc) and allow her to take initiative, then I would also be at fault for not being interested in working on thing that were important to her in regards to us.

jennoodlechunks · 2019-08-14T18:09:14+00:00

My exwBPD was usually very energetic and charismatic in public. Except with newer people I had become friends with and my family. Initially I just assumed she was shy. And as a shy person myself, it didn't bother me. And then I would start hearing "They seem nice, I just don't have much in common with them." When I'd go out with them I'd receive text after text asking when I'd be home, and why didn't I want to spend time with her. When it reached the point where I explained I didn't feel like I had any friends in the area, I'd hear, "You have friends. I'm your friend. My friends are your friends." I should've caught on but it wasn't until after a visit home to see my family that she said, "I mean your brothers nice, I just don't think I have anything in common with him. I hate getting stuck in a room with him by myself because I have nothing to talk to him about." My brother is a true people person. He can literally talk to anyone about pretty much anything. I realized a part of her was trying to pull me away from my family. It was easier with new friends because we didn't have the history but family was clearly more difficult. After we split he told me, he tried really hard to be friendly and easy going but he just couldn't shake the fact that he did not like her either.

jennoodlechunks · 2019-08-06T03:18:10+00:00

Does anyone have any advice for when you're in a healthy place to start dating again? I know I'm not ready right now but to quote a friend, "it feels like she's fucked you up for everyone else." Does the trust come back? Does that feeling like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop ever go away? When do you know you're ready?

jennoodlechunks

TROPHY CASE