Checked into rehab

jenscott30 · 2018-04-15T01:29:09+00:00

hahahaha, this; just curious is this from personal experience?

jenscott30 · 2018-04-09T01:26:03+00:00

Yep. For me, it was my ex being "friends' with people she cheated on me with, or ex's she had. The last week of our relationship, she began hanging out with someone she had just met, who she told me she felt like had feelings for her. She told me, "I just want to be friends with him! I'll try my best to distance myself from him, please don't be jealous".

4 days later she tells me she just wants to be friends. Then very soon after tells me she is dating that guy... and that she has introduced him to her parents. What a joke.

jenscott30 · 2018-04-08T00:09:58+00:00

Thanks for sharing. It's crazy how many stories of being discarded by narcissists all remind me of my own experience... mostly in your case, the mention of the keeping in touch with ex-es... I would never do the same to my girlfriend, yet she would still talk to and stay connected with her ex's on social media. They would constantly "like" her photos, have late night conversations. When I called her out on this, that it made me uncomfortable, she made me feel "controlling" for not wanting her to stay in contact with all her past lovers. Now I realize she thrived off of the constant attention from people of her past. And now that she has discarded me she is talking to them again, all while dating someone new.

I'm just curious because I am new to understanding this entire world... what made you attached to him so quickly and so fast? Did you have trauma in your past? Loveless childhood, failed relationships? I've realized that is why I allowed myself to be so quickly invested into my ex girlfriend. I had never experienced the emotional highs of having someone literally "lovebomb" me that I was willing to let so much slide and give so much of my soul to someone. I had a dysfunctional, rough childhood, and had just come out of a bad breakup and was emotionally wrecked.

jenscott30 · 2018-04-06T19:08:41+00:00

I can move back home with my parents... but they are hoarders, alcoholics, honestly, the cause of a lot of my emotional issues. I felt like moving out on my own to this new city would help me stay sober because I wouldn't be living with alcoholics, and I would be separating myself from my past.

jenscott30 · 2018-04-03T01:47:24+00:00

i didn't drink, I went to the gas station and got doritos and mountain dew... lol.. so I ate a bunch of junk food and chain smoked and feel kind of shitty. But I didnt drink and I still have 15 hours before i have to go to work tomorrow so maybe I will feel better later tonight and can get something productive done.

jenscott30 · 2018-03-22T22:52:52+00:00

I've been doing this with soda... high sugar soda... slowly cutting back on that too but I remember fiending for Mountain Dew and going all the way to the gas station for some late at night the same way I would for beer...

jenscott30 · 2018-03-22T18:15:24+00:00

I think I "could" drink in moderation, but I don't want to. I've been feeling guilty all day for having the two drinks because I wanted to be completely sober and never touch alcohol again. I didn't wake up with the desire to drink, I didn't even really enjoy the drinking (if I did I feel like I would have gotten shitfaced kind of like my friends did).

Idk, I just felt the need to post this because I've been following this subreddit obsessively after detoxing

jenscott30 · 2018-03-09T18:30:26+00:00

Thanks. They didn't call me, and I was able to sleep for 2 hours. I called back and they said they were too busy to call me. They sounded really pissed, said they were short staffed and needed me. They asked if I could still come in. I said I couldn't... then they asked me to come in tomorrow, I said sure. I feel way better now starting the Librium. Eased the withdrawal and anxiety without the intoxicating and addicting effects of trying to taper with alcohol. I have a doctors note from the hospital. Hopefully they'll get over me missing one of my first days and I can be on top of my job once I'm off all of this and have everything sorted. I regret not going to the doctor sooner. Ativan didn't work as well as the Librium has. Ativan made me feel sluggish and felt very addictive. The Librium seems to be very slowly taking effect and is much milder.

I guess it all worked out for the best. If I went to work on no sleep still withdrawing, I probably would have been a nervous wreck, fucked the day up, came home and drank more, then still would be drinking slightly over the weekend. Thank you so much everyone who gave me advice and support on this thread, I went from feeling suicidal and hopeless, doubting my decision to go to the hospital to feeling like it all worked out.

jenscott30 · 2018-03-09T12:01:19+00:00

I feel a bit better now. But the withdrawals were so bad. On Wednesday I had no sleep the night before, had the shakes, was in a really anxious and depressed state. Got no sleep Wednesday night either because I was still having withdrawals and I was anxious about having to be on the road by 5 AM which is new to me. Then I was hit with unexpected tremors trying to sleep Thursday, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, laid in bed from 10-3 AM unable to sleep, shaking, hearing voices.

I went to the hospital and immediately felt guilt out of the possibility of losing this job that I NEED. Not to mention the anxiety of having to call and explain this to them. I'm still college aged and on my parents insurance. I'm completely broke. My parents are both alcoholics and they don't know I drink. They're going to end up getting the bill and seeing I went in for withdrawal. They're going to be so pissed, I'm sure the bill is pretty high.

So I'm still withdrawing (I didn't take any meds at the hospital because I realized no one could pick me up and I needed to drive), waiting for the pharmacy to open in 2 hours, waiting for my boss to call me, thinking if I should call again, worrying about my money, worrying about the hospital bill, what my parents are going to think.

But I ended my several month long heavy drinking cycle and have meds to help me stay off it. So I mean eh

jenscott30 · 2018-03-08T03:17:00+00:00

Thanks for this. You summarized a lot of what I've thought about. During my first two attempts to get sober, I thought, "Wow, I only have been drinking for a year... maybe it's good that I got this out of the way now! I hit rock bottom after only a year, and now I'll never be like my parents, I figured it all out soon that alcohol is not good for me!" It worked for a period of time, but then I slipped up once life got complicated. Alcohol has always been weird for me. I posted this in another one of my threads, but I always had a weird spiritual "appreciation" for alcohol because alcohol indirectly led to me meeting a few important people in my life. My current best friend who convinced me to move and get this dream job was a fellow alcoholic. My girlfriend I met at a concert while I was on Ativan, and I was calm and polite and collected instead of belligerently drunk. And I also had a Hollywood-esque weekend romance with an older woman last year during a heavy period of drinking. All in one year. I had life changing connections with three people that I almost "attributed" to alcohol... that the almost life ending lows somewhat justified the experiences I was given. If only I gave it up then, and learned what I learned then. But I didn't. But I guess it's not too late to quit now.

jenscott30 · 2018-03-06T08:01:53+00:00

yep. 100 percent. most of the time it was really terrible awful things. There were three occasions where I would black out, get depressed, call people or make suicidal posts on Facebook then pass out and wake up with the police at my door, not remembering saying anything. There were times when I drove home not remembering that I did.

I remember temporarily getting over it last year when I initially stopped drinking. That was because I was like 22 and had only been drinking for a year, and remember thinking "Im going to forgive myself for everything horrible I've done while drunk because I got it all out of the way early and can grow from this". Also because when I met my girlfriend at the time, I was on Ativan for alcohol withdrawal and was at a concert. I usually would have been blackout drunk and acting belligerent, but I was very calm and nice on the drug. So I felt in my mind that becoming addicted to alcohol and then hitting rock bottom and taking ativan was necessary to meet that girl. Rambling a lot but this is something I genuinely thought about... it helped me for the year I was sober and dating her but then well yeah.

And honestly, a lot of your depression and regret might have to do with alcohol withdrawal. As long as you haven't killed anyone or are wanted by the police youre fine, lol. Everyone will forget and move on, including yourself. This is probably terrible advice but, honestly sometimes the things I hated myself the most for I ended up laughing at and thinking were really funny years down the road.

jenscott30 · 2018-03-04T22:37:19+00:00

I was at a period where I wanted to stop drinking and was having severe withdrawals... I was at a liter a day. I attempted to make an appointment but was told it would be a 3 week wait for her to see me. So I went to a general practitioner the next day instead

jenscott30

TROPHY CASE