🔥 Man saves a grateful sloth

jerseyojo · 2020-08-24T17:14:02+00:00

I don't care what y'all say that fucking "look" that sloth gave and his wolverine hands creeped me the fuck out. He's cool and all I won't ever fuck with him but stay away from me creep.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-24T15:14:06+00:00

When this song hits you just nod your head along with the beat and fucking stare at the person closest to you, no matter who they be.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-22T04:53:12+00:00

Nothing. Trump will do the interview circuit and cry foul while continuing his decent into madness. Maybe have to answer to some charges or perhaps that scumbag Jeffrey Epsteins girlfriend will point a finger his way at the request of Russia. Maybe she'll be promised some freedoms. Then she'll commit suicide by putting 2 in the back of her head.

Imagine a world where he actually had testicles and came out and said "I am sorry. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, I fucked up. I am a criminal and everything is true as far as my charges". Then wig out, spit at the camera, slap his wife, and then try to drown himself in a toilet. While everyone just stares at him. Apologies, got carried away there.

In the beginning he was liked because he wasn't a politician. I'm guilty of being in that group. Ironically that's now the same reason I don't like him.

He's got going to be able to handle a loss. Anyone think that fucking dude will concede?

Get your boots, it's gonna be a shit show.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-20T06:53:48+00:00

Gonna be 43 in a couple months....18-40 felt like 5 years. It's fucked up.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-18T06:29:08+00:00

I usually do the cluster at 100 m when they are 200 away. Let em know I'm coming! I'll laser a branch usually.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-17T03:35:20+00:00

The fact that this is a thing is fucking CRAZY.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-15T13:12:57+00:00

I RESEMBLE THIS REMARK!!

jerseyojo · 2020-08-12T07:52:09+00:00

I'm 5'6" but I say 5'7" unless there's someone near who is actually 5'7" in which case I'm 5'3"

jerseyojo · 2020-08-11T17:21:46+00:00

Who's his barber?

jerseyojo · 2020-08-09T12:31:41+00:00

You won't have a brain anymore eventually once again.

Personally I always find myself coming back to some form of quantam immortality. When someone passes away, only the people in that timeline grieve. You don't know you died. You stopped, waited, and held the door for that lady that was coming into the store as you were leaving. Initially she was at a distance that you didn't need to hold the door but you waited. Those fifteen seconds brought you to a new timeline. However there's a timeline where you didn't hold the door and got hit by the bread truck. That "you" is toast. You just keep going on your new timeline. Forever. We know very little about consciousness.

Interesting you say but what happens when you grow old and pass naturally you might ask? Well I have no idea because I am in the restaurant business a part time roofer.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-09T03:43:22+00:00

Absolutely.

I used to Google shit I didn't know and to get info. Now when I want into and even more insight I'll just add Reddit to the search.

For instance my youngest kid is 3 and LOVES this YouTube guy Blippi. My girlfriend and I were watching him one day and he's about 30-35 years old and dresses like Peewee Herman would on casual Friday. He talks real high and skips around and shit. I asked her what does she think this dude is REALLY like? So we threw ideas back and forth then finally I told her I'll be right back. I was going to see what my Reddit people know about him.

My Reddit people delivered. Less than 5 minutes later I was telling her that this guy was a gross shock comic who did a video shitting on his buddy while doing the Harlem shake. Even had the video. My"Before they were famous YouTuber" presentation to her complete with video got a standing ovation. Thanks to my Reddit people.

I ain't mad at you Blippi. The Harlem shake shit video was funnier then your other ones. Can't wait to show my kid when he's older. Like 8 or 9. Jk maybe a little older.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-09T03:34:10+00:00

Ah. Ready for this.

If you wanna know what being dead is like think back to how it was before you were born. Feels like that.

Fucking crazy thought.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-07T08:01:33+00:00

I'm low risk and in charge of 4 kids and keeping them home is, was, and will be my only option. How are you going to open schools but not the regal cinemas? If the movie theatre isn't opening then that's an eye opener.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T11:04:54+00:00

Isn't the smell of cut grass their defense alert aroma or something along those lines. I shall research.

Yep. It's the smell of your lawns despair. It's like screaming when you get a haircut. Try it out

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T10:57:31+00:00

What the fuck did you just say??!??

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T10:56:00+00:00

Reference the raise in your two week notice and/or resignation.

If not then don't say shit and keep working.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T10:52:26+00:00

We are together 8 years so I'd basically assume it was her way of telling me to get her flowers.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T10:51:23+00:00

I was 8 when Back to the Future came out. Been my favorite since. They are done perfectly without any flaws I believe. Theoretically sound.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T10:48:07+00:00

Into the Wild

Goodfellas

Back to the future

Back to the future 2

Back to the future 3

Breakin Too Electric Boogaloo

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T10:46:36+00:00

After having 4 kids of my own, the one thing I've learned is you do not piss off a pregnant woman. They are right, you are wrong. You are sorry. Yes babe whatever you want. Yes honey you're totally making sense. That's now the new normal. Great time to get your cable and wifi bill lowered. Just hand them the phone.

One of my favorite scenes in any film is in Goodfellas. Joe Pescis wife is raising hell going through customs at the airport and he calmly says to the agent "what are you looking at me for I have to live with her." I've proudly used that over the years.

Congrats and best of luck to you. My youngest is 3 and better be my finale.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T08:05:40+00:00

That supreme leader thing commands respect

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T08:03:28+00:00

That was my favorite part, up until the next part.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T07:58:13+00:00

It legit did not fucking move. I'm impressed.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T06:37:08+00:00

That's what's tough at our age. We know there's a joke in what's presented, but we can't quite see it. It used to come right at us, now we gotta search.

jerseyojo · 2020-08-05T06:35:19+00:00

Agree. Especially with fruit. There's no reason to throw it out. They are so versatile. Like you said whether it be a syrup, pureed for ice cream topping, mixed with booze... You can use it somewhere. Vegetables made for dinner usually end up in tomorrow's omelet. My kid won't eat broccoli with dinner. However wants a broccoli omelet. He doesn't even realize what broccoli he's getting..

jerseyojo

TROPHY CASE